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My father passed away.....doing a dance with my brother...I need ideas!!!!!!!

Beachbabi85Beachbabi85 member
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in Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
My Father passed away in 2009 and will not be here to give me away.  I am having my brother walk me down the aisle.  I was going to forgo the dance but decided it would be special to dance with my brother.  My mother also passed away last year so we are all we have left for one another.  I am considered different things.  I thought it would be nice to do a dance either of me and my brother, and have the dj announce it as a tribute to my dad (a song we grew up on, or a song that reminds us of my dad, OR a song that I would have liked to dance with my dad too(since it should be about me and my dad) and then have a video of me and my dad in the background.  Or should I do a brother/sister dance?  OR should I have a video of pictures in the background during the cermony while we walk down together? These are my ideas...please let me know what you think OR if you have any other ideas.  I want it to be special!!!!! I want it to honor them as well!
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Re: My father passed away.....doing a dance with my brother...I need ideas!!!!!!!

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    ezequalsmcezequalsmc
    First Comment First Anniversary
    I think the fact that your brother is willing to step up for you and be there for you in such a big way on your wedding day IS honoring your parents, personally. I think they'd be really happy knowing they raised two kids who are there for each other and love each other. I would do the brother/sister dance without a video in the background....it's a wedding, a day of happiness, and I'm sure your brother would be thrilled at having a brother/sister dance with you on that day.
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    itzMSitzMS member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited October 2012
    I am also a member of the DPC (deceased parents club) so please don't take my responses as insensitive.

    1. Ask your brother if he is comfortable dancing with you in a spotlight dance. If he doesn't want to, just do a first dance with you and FI and leave it at that.
    2. Skip the photos and videos. The wedding should be about you and your FI.
    3. As a tribute to your parents, why not wear your mom's necklace, or wrap some fabric from dad's tie around your bouquet?  Subtle is best.

    Trust me, everyone there will know why your parents aren't present. You will carry your parents' spirits in your heart. Try to keep the focus on the love between you and FI.
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    LnodesLnodes member
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    As PPs have said, if your brother feels comfortable doing the dance with you, I would choose a song that has meaning to the two of you. I think those few moments are going to be tough enough without the extra photos or videos. My father passed away several years ago. I am going to have my mom walk me down the aisle and do a first dance with her. I'm also going to put a small bouquet charm with his picture on my bouquet. Subtle, but he will still be with me as I walk down the aisle.
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    PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Weddings are about celebrating a union and new beginnings, not a memorial ceremony. You can certainly do something small and subtle for yourself and family, but forcing all your guests to watch videos of deceased people is a bit much. I personally was really close to my grandfather growing up, and wanted to acknowledge him somehow. He used to take me hiking and point out pkants, especially his favorite: silver dollar plants. I wove silk versions of these into all the centerpeices and floral sprays so he could be there with us. The guests who knew him were touched, and those who didn't just enjoyed the pretty decorations and joyous event.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    I do like the idea of incorporating the memory of your parents in a nice private way. I've seen other people post that they've been to weddings where other family members who were present and didn't know what was going to happen w/photos were caught off guard & ended up crying in sadness instead of happiness. I like a lot of the suggestions on how to honor their memory with either jewerly, using your mom's favorite flowers, or maybe a special song.

    Good luck, I'm sure it will be hard for both of you not to have your parents there, but you still have each other and lots of great memories.
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    hshertenliebhshertenlieb
    First Comment First Anniversary
    My father also passed away in 2009 and I was Daddy's little girl... We are going to have a memorial candle for him, near the guestbook. My brother is also walking me down the aisle and dancing with me. I asked if he was okay with it all and he was....we are dancing to Luther Vandross' Dance with My Father.
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    mtgsimpsonmtgsimpson
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    My dad has passed away as well and so have my grandparents and my cat that my fiance loved so I have little picture frames of them that are going to be attached to my bouquet and will hang by my hands...my dad is then walking me down the aisle along with my grandparents and my cat...my way of incorporating them.

    My fiance is dancing with my mom and I am dancing with his dad and it is more of a welcome to the family dance but we havent found a suitable song yet.  

    Best of luck with your decision but it is a celebration.  
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    bburkelbburkel
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    I'm dancing with my brother also.  I gave up on finding a song that worked for us, so we're just going to dance at the same time as the mother/son dance.  We haven't decided for sure, but it will probably be to "I Cross My Heart" by George Strait, becuase it has significance to my FI's family (he and his dad sang it at his sister's wedding).

    Song ideas that I was tossing around before we decided this were:
    You're my best friend (Queen)
    Sister Christian (Night Ranger)
    I'll be Here for You (Firehouse)
    (I'm a huge 80s hair metal fan, so that was part of my problem in finding a song that worked)

    I had also thought about showing images or something, but I figured I wouldn't get through it without breaking down, so I figured it was a better idea to just have a nice dance with my brother.
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