Split ceremony officiants?

becky659 · December 2011

Hey guys! I couldn't decide whether to put this question here or in "customs and traditions," so I hope this is ok!

My FI and I are getting married October next year. Our wedding is overall pretty different compared to your traditional wedding, and it's blowing my future in-laws minds. They wanted us to get married at their home church, but we really wanted to get married in a park where we live. Since my family is obviously hosting the whole thing, there wasn't much of a say for them, so they're still not happy about it, but they're going along with it because they're good people and they understand why it's a special place to us.

So to in order to not rub salt into the wound of not getting married in their church, we have decided to have their preacher officiate for us. They're really happy about that, but we really wanted my grandfather (who is a very talented speaker and a role model for us) to officiate the ceremony originally.

My wonderful mother suggested that he maybe open the ceremony with a few words, then turn it over to the Preacher. I like this idea, but I've never heard of it being done before and I don't want the future in-laws to burst a gasket over it.

Does it sound like that radical of an idea? Especially since it would mean so much to us?
Thanks guys!

dumdumfroggie · December 2011

I would ask the preacher if he would be okay with that at first.

Also, perhaps you could just have your grandfather do a reading.

Mrs.B6302007 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_split-ceremony-officiants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0e1af082-c721-4131-9638-01df67e8ae39Post:caeb3ccf-12e5-48c4-a455-dbbc0f95a758">Split ceremony officiants?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey guys! I couldn't decide whether to put this question here or in "customs and traditions," so I hope this is ok! My FI and I are getting married October next year. Our wedding is overall pretty different compared to your traditional wedding, and it's blowing my future in-laws minds. They wanted us to get married at their home church,<strong> but we really wanted to get married in a park where we live.</strong> Since my family is obviously hosting the whole thing, there wasn't much of a say for them, so they're still not happy about it, but they're going along with it because they're good people and they understand why it's a special place to us. So to in order to not rub salt into the wound of not getting married in their church, we have decided to have their preacher officiate for us. They're really happy about that, but we really wanted my grandfather (who is a very talented speaker and a role model for us) to officiate the ceremony originally. My wonderful mother suggested that he maybe open the ceremony with a few words, then turn it over to the Preacher. I like this idea, but I've never heard of it being done before and I don't want the future in-laws to burst a gasket over it. Does it sound like that radical of an idea? Especially since it would mean so much to us? Thanks guys!
Posted by becky659[/QUOTE]

You live in a park? <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

I've seen/heard of shared officiants a lot. I had a friend who was a pastor's daughter and the groom was a pastor's son so they definitely wanted their dads to both officiate. What you're planning sounds fine and it's completely up to you how you want them to divide the job.

Simply Fated · December 2011

I think it sounds good, as long as your grandfather and their priest is okay with it. Split ceremonies like that are common here due to all the interfaith marriages.

RaptorSLH · December 2011

Check with the preacher, but the principle sounds fine. Unless your grandfather is also a minister or judge (or one of the handful of other suitable officials) it should be expected that you would find someone who is to officiate a legally binding ceremony. Having someone other than the officiant give a reading is common enough, and I don't think an opening prayer sounds that much different.

froggatt.clare · December 2011

It is not radical at all! As PPs mentioned, check with the pastor first, but I'm sure it will be fine. My dad is a pastor and has co-officiated a lot of weddings.

MyUserName1 · December 2011

North Carolina is pretty strict about who they will allow to perform a marriage ceremony.

In fact, there is specific wording in the legislation (that is not often enforced) disallowing officiants from the church of the sun (or whatever that online thing is) to perform marriages in NC.

So unless he's a pastor/priest or magistrate he couldn't perform the ceremony.

I don't think splitting it is odd, however.

Nickivegan · December 2011

We had two speakers. A JOP and a close friend who did The Princess Bride ceremony for us. It was perfect, so I say go for it. And as PP suggested, definitely make sure this works for your Preacher.

trixie549 · December 2011

We're having two officiants at our wedding. One is the senior pastor at the church where the ceremony will be held (a requirement to have him involved) and one is a dear friend of ours who is an ordained minister. They are splitting the traditional Christian ceremony as follows:

(prelude, processional)
Church pastor - greeting, declaration of intent, prayer
(hymn and readings)
Friend pastor - sermon, vows, exhange of rings, blessing
(unity candle)
Church pastor - prayer, benediction
(recessional, postlude)

As you can see, our friend pastor is doing the key part of the ceremony and will be the one to actually marry us. There were several natural breaks in the ceremony (indicated in parentheses - i.e. readings and songs), so it totally made sense to split things up this way.

We're fortunate that both pastors are extremely flexible and have done this type of "tag-team" wedding before.

RaptorSLH · December 2011

[QUOTE]North Carolina is pretty strict about who they will allow to perform a marriage ceremony. In fact, there is specific wording in the legislation (that is not often enforced) disallowing officiants from the church of the sun (or whatever that online thing is) to perform marriages in NC.
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>PA does this by requiring minsters/rabbis/priests etc to preside over a regularly established church or congregation. No church, no congregation, no marriage. Although legal precedent is split when it comes to actually invalidating a marriage after the fact for this reason, it's happened at least once.

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staceycaine · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_split-ceremony-officiants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0e1af082-c721-4131-9638-01df67e8ae39Post:caeb3ccf-12e5-48c4-a455-dbbc0f95a758">Split ceremony officiants?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey guys! I couldn't decide whether to put this question here or in "customs and traditions," so I hope this is ok! My FI and I are getting married October next year. Our wedding is overall pretty different compared to your traditional wedding, and it's blowing my future in-laws minds. They wanted us to get married at their home church, but we really wanted to get married in a park where we live.<strong> Since my family is obviously hosting the whole thing, there wasn't much of a say for them</strong>, so they're still not happy about it, but they're going along with it because they're good people and they understand why it's a special place to us. So to in order to not rub salt into the wound of not getting married in their church, we have decided to have their preacher officiate for us. They're really happy about that, but we really wanted my grandfather (who is a very talented speaker and a role model for us) to officiate the ceremony originally. My wonderful mother suggested that he maybe open the ceremony with a few words, then turn it over to the Preacher. I like this idea, but I've never heard of it being done before and I don't want the future in-laws to burst a gasket over it. Does it sound like that radical of an idea? Especially since it would mean so much to us? Thanks guys!
Posted by becky659[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Why is this "obvious?" Most couples now pay for their own weddings, so it wouldn't be obvious to me. Secondly, just because your parents are hosting doesn't mean the FILs get no say at all. It would be nice to let them have a little say--these are your future family members. You'll have to deal with them later, not your parents.

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mica178 · December 2011

We had two priests officiate our wedding. One did the gospel reading and homily, the other led us through our vows. It worked well, the two priests just spoke via telephone a bit beforehand to discuss who would do what.

becky659 · December 2011

Staceycaine, my FILs are integral parts of my daily life, but they often have very different opinions about things. My parents know that I would concede everything in our wedding in order to make them happy, so my FH, parents and friends keep telling me that I need to stand up to them in order to create the special wedding that we want. They believe in much more formal weddings, but ours is very informal and untraditional. I don't mean to come off as blowing them off, because that's not the case. We just don't always see eye to eye on what our big day should be like. Also, paying for our wedding is a joint effort between our parents and us, but my parents are the ones hosting it. My FILs are paying for the rehearsal dinner and they can do whatever they want in it!

Anyway, thanks guys! You all made some good points that do make it sound like not that big of a deal. I won't feel so bad now bringing it up to our pastor.

becky659 · December 2011

Down in the south where I'm from, the parents of the bride almost always seem to host the wedding day, even if they're not paying for it entirely (or at all). I suppose it's very different where you're from, since you obviously have a problem with the two words you keep quoting.
I'm not sure what you'd like for me to say in order to end your less than useful (and kind) scrutiny.
Actual advice, of course, is always welcome.

staceycaine · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_split-ceremony-officiants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0e1af082-c721-4131-9638-01df67e8ae39Post:f94b2855-8838-4168-92b0-e92202d5abea">Re: Split ceremony officiants?</a>:
[QUOTE]Staceycaine, my FILs are integral parts of my daily life, but they often have very different opinions about things. My parents know that I would concede everything in our wedding in order to make them happy, so my FH, parents and friends keep telling me that I need to stand up to them in order to create the special wedding that we want. They believe in much more formal weddings, but ours is very informal and untraditional. I don't mean to come off as blowing them off, because that's not the case. We just don't always see eye to eye on what our big day should be like. Also, paying for our wedding is a joint effort between our parents and us, but my parents are the ones hosting it. My FILs are paying for the rehearsal dinner and they can do whatever they want in it! Anyway, thanks guys! You all made some good points that do make it sound like not that big of a deal. I won't feel so bad now bringing it up to our pastor.
Posted by becky659[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Your OP did not sound this way AT ALL, and you said "of course" your parents are hosting. I don't understand why this is "of course," and then you said because of that, the FILs have very little say. Just going by what I'm given in the OP.

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