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New Jersey

Skipping BP Reception Intros?

FI and I had decided that for the reception, we would just to do a bride and groom intro at the beginning, instead of introducing the entire BP.  We have both been in many weddings, most of which also only introduced the bride and groom and only a few where the entire BP was introduced.  As BP members, we both liked being free after the ceremony to find our dates, enjoy the cocktail hour, and not have to worry about being back to the bridal suite by a certain time for introductions.  I also thought it was nice when the focus was just on the happy couple.

However, when I told my mother our plan, she seemed a little upset that she and my father would not be introduced at the reception, since they are the ones hosting.  If we have them introduced, then I feel that we have to do an intro for FIs parents, who are recently divorced, and pretty bitter, which could cause issues.  My thinking was that both sets of parents would be introduced when they gave their speeches, so we would have the band introduce my parents as the hosts at that time.

So, I wanted to see how all of you did BP reception intros. Did anyone just do the bride and groom intro and no one else?  TBH I didn't even think about it offending anyone until my mother said something, so I just wanted to get some opinions!  TIA!
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Re: Skipping BP Reception Intros?

  • Honestly, I've never been to a wedding where the BP and parents were skipped.

    Our intros were on the complicated side for a few reasons.  My parents are divorced, but I solved that by having my mom escorted by her brother and my dad escorted by his sister.  My aunt/Godmother (mom's sister) is a big part of my life so she was also introduced and escorted by their other brother.   We went in this order:

    Grandfather (only one living) - introduced at his table
    Mother of the Bride escorted by her brother
    Godmother of the Bride escorted by her brother
    Father of the Bride escorted by his sister
    Mother and Step-father of the Groom (his dad is deceased)
    Jr. BM escorted by RB
    BMs escorted by GMs
    MOH escorted by BM
    Bride & Groom

    My two cents?  Don't skip it, especially if it seems like your mom will be hurt if you don't do it.  If she wasn't hosting she'd have less of a say, but it seems like this is important to her.  Try to find a way to have FIs parents introduced separately, maybe by having them escorted by other family members. 

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  • Thank you for the advice-I appreciate your input!  

    It's so interesting because I had always seen BP intros done, and then the past 5 weddings we have been to over the past two years only did the bride and groom intro.  The only difference I can think of was that they were in New York City, and the ones with BP intros were in NJ, but I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it or not!  
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  • We did only the BP and us. H's parents are divorced and it is UGLY, and my mom, even though she was hosting, didn't want all of the attention on her. I was going to suggest what you did, introducing them during the speeches, but jcg is right... If it is important to your mom you should do it somehow. Your FI should ask his parents; they may not even want to be introduced. And if they do, they need to figure it out. I was really stressed out about H's parents before the wedding and in the end it all worked out. Also- be sure to tell your DJ, maitre d and DOC that their relationship is strained so that they are aware. This helped us a lot when we couldn't be there to mediate. GL!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_skipping-bp-reception-intros?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:fe1fb7cd-fd7c-4d85-96a4-f8eac315f3dbPost:88081534-e0d6-4df1-a1dc-faf597fada34">Re: Skipping BP Reception Intros?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We did only the BP and us. H's parents are divorced and it is UGLY, and my mom, even though she was hosting, didn't want all of the attention on her. I was going to suggest what you did, introducing them during the speeches, but jcg is right... If it is important to your mom you should do it somehow.<strong> Your FI should ask his parents; they may not even want to be introduced. And if they do, they need to figure it out. </strong>I was really stressed out about H's parents before the wedding and in the end it all worked out. Also- be sure to tell your DJ, maitre d and DOC that their relationship is strained so that they are aware. This helped us a lot when we couldn't be there to mediate. GL!
    Posted by Giaspo[/QUOTE]

    This is an excellent point.  Whatever their feelings towards each other, they ought to be able to be civil for one night for the sake of their son.

    But there are definitely steps you can take to alleviate possible tension.  Like Giaspo said, make sure the people "running the show" know the deal.  Also, you can have them host separate tables, on opposite sides of the room if necessary.  This is how I kept my grandfather's animosity towards my father from being an issue.  We had 4 "VIP" tables - WP, MOB, FOB, MOG - so it was easy enough to put two on one side of the dance floor and two on the other, but they were of "equal" distance to our table. 
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  • I've never seen the BP not introduced. We did both sets of parents, the BP and then us. We didn't have a lot of people in our BP, so it was short.
  • sh228955sh228955 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited August 2012
    Thanks so much everyone! I'm leaning toward introducing everyone, but now I have to convince FI. I think that if his parents do not want to do the intro together I can have his sister introduced with his dad and his brother introduced with his mom. They are our MOH and Best Man. Also thank you for all of the advice on keeping the peace. I will make sure that the people in charge know about the situation. Hopefully everyone can behave for a night!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_skipping-bp-reception-intros?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:fe1fb7cd-fd7c-4d85-96a4-f8eac315f3dbPost:e0ceadb5-5a41-4525-8de5-342534944640">Re: Skipping BP Reception Intros?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Skipping BP Reception Intros? : This is an excellent point.  Whatever their feelings towards each other, they ought to be able to be civil for one night for the sake of their son. But there are definitely steps you can take to alleviate possible tension.  Like Giaspo said, make sure the people "running the show" know the deal.  Also, <strong>you can have them host separate tables, on opposite sides of the room if necessary</strong>.  This is how I kept my grandfather's animosity towards my father from being an issue.  We had 4 "VIP" tables - WP, MOB, FOB, MOG - so it was easy enough to put two on one side of the dance floor and two on the other, but they were of "equal" distance to our table. 
    Posted by jcg98[/QUOTE]

    We did this as well, with my mom in the middle.  Sounds like we had similar situations. Jcg - maybe we should write a guide entitled "The Bride's Guide to Feuding In-Laws!"

    Good luck - it will all work out for the best.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />
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  • Hi- a lot of great advice has been given.  I wanted to share my experience- my parents are divorced but hosted the wedding.  They are civil but I knew they would not want to walk in hand-in-hand.  My dad is dating someone but I would never have her escort him.  Instead I just had the MC announce them at their tables... same for my H parents (who are married, not hosting, so they did not have a say in it- I just confirmed if they were okay with their names being announced).  My mom did not even want that because she doesn't like to be center of attention, but I wanted to somehow honor her that day as well.  She agreed as long as she did not have to stand up lol.  The MC just said welcome and thank you to the brides parents Ms. Jacky Mom and Mr. Jacky Dad and then for my H parents said Mr and Mrs H name.  Then we had the actual entrances for the BP and us. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_skipping-bp-reception-intros?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:fe1fb7cd-fd7c-4d85-96a4-f8eac315f3dbPost:15fc0330-a0ad-4887-9814-72ab0cc0037d">Re: Skipping BP Reception Intros?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Skipping BP Reception Intros? : We did this as well, with my mom in the middle.  Sounds like we had similar situations.<strong> Jcg - maybe we should write a guide entitled "The Bride's Guide to Feuding In-Laws!"</strong> Good luck - it will all work out for the best. 
    Posted by Giaspo[/QUOTE]

    I think that's an inspired idea!  :)
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  • poppulppoppulp member
    10 Comments
    edited August 2012
    Well I had the parents introduced. That was all. Our parents were introduced because they are our parents . But in reality no one cares about the BP. its your day let it all shine on the two of you. No one even realized we didnt do an intro of the BP. Good luck.
  • bereasonable2bereasonable2 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited August 2012
    Who really cares what these other people think. I think you've got the situation under control and just need some validation.

    Here's my take - you don't have to bow to tradition just because that's what other people are doing or have done. It's your wedding. Your parents are hosting - just make sure they get properly introduced when they give their speeches.

    I've been to 20+ wedding in NJ and 10+ outside of NJ. I'll tell you that the NJ weddings were all corny. Everyone doing some stupid intro dance/routine/whatever and looking dumb doing it. The weddings outside of NJ - unique and interesting.

    Seems like everyone in NJ is interested in doing what other people do because they lack originality or creativity or just because "that's what so-and-so did..."

    Just look at that awesome photographer that's still doing spot coloring. How tacky.
  • We didn't have anyone introduced, including ourselves. Nobody said a word about it or got confused, and the party kicked off jut fine without a roll call being read. Do what YOU want to do. But if your parents are paying then you may have to bend to some of their wishes, and it's wise to keep it fair with the inlaws ... talk to them and figure it out. It's fine to introduce the parents but not the bridal party. Really, nobody cares who they are if they're not already their friends.
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  • Ditto mbc. We didn't do any introductions. If people couldn't tell who the bp or our parents were, they were clearly idiots because they just saw everyone in the ceremony an hour earlier. I didn't see the need and the intros just felt cheesy and forced at the other weddings I've been to.
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