Wedding Party

Groom doesnt want attendants...help

I need advice, my wonderful future hubby doesn't want to have attendants at the wedding including a maid of honor or best man.  While I understand he's very non traditional and that he doesn't really have much in the way of family I have two best friends that are like my sisters and I've been in both of their weddings and I want to have them in mine.   I realize that he is moving across country and we don't know how many of his friends will be able to afford to make the trip out for the wedding but its important to me to have my friends there with me.  Not to mention when I said well then who would act as witnesses on the marriage certificate he just said I dont know.  I don't know what to do.  Can I have my friends and have no best man or groomsman?  Should I just settle for having none

Re: Groom doesnt want attendants...help

  • I think you should discuss with him that having your friends up there with you is important to you as well and while you understand that he doesn't want people on his side, you would like those two people on your side. 
  • It is entirely ok for you to have attendants and for him to have none. That is fine. Please disuss the importance of those freindships with him. If you want to offer a compromise, perhaps he would be more comfortable with your 2 BFFs being readers.
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  • Talk to him. It's fine for you to have two attendants and for him to have none. It's unfair of him to just demand that you have zero attendants just because HE doesn't want any, but talk it out with him and decide for yourselves if you want to include just your friends or nix a wedding party altogether.

    Any adult who witnesses the ceremony can sign the marriage license - they need not be part of the bridal party. Like a PP said, perhaps a good compromise would be for your two friends to be readers, and they could also sign the license as your official witnesses. You could get them nice corsages, be sure to get some pro photos taken with you, maybe invite them to hang out with you while you get ready that morning, and include them in pre-wedding planning if they are interested in that sort of thing. Basically, they'd be bridesmaids without having to buy matching dresses.
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  • You can definitely have your friends up there with you and he can have none.  I would try to figure out why he doesn't want you to have any attendants--it's one thing if he doesn't want any, but it's another if he says "and I don't want you to have any either."  Especially since it's important to you.  You're marrying the guy--talk to him.
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  • As the other ladies have said, it is perfectly fine to have attendants standing up with you while he doesn't.  If he doesn't want any attendants than fine but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't or can't.

    Sit down and tell him how important it is to you to have your closest friends and/or family up there with you and that while you respect his decision to not pick anyone you expect him to respect your decision to choose a WP.

  • My FI doesn't want to have any attendants either.  Part of it is the cross culture marriage and the other part is he doesn't really have a close friend he wants to ask.  I want my sister and his sister to be in the wedding as i am close to both of them.  He is ok with that.
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