Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Pre-wedding Parties
Pre-wedding Parties
New Discussion
Options

family-only destination wedding - shower?

momofoliviamomofolivia
in Pre-wedding Parties
My friend is getting married in Arizona (live in Florida) and she is only inviting immediate family.  They will have a celebration party a couple months later in Florida.

I want to throw her a wedding shower, but it is my understanding that you can't invite anyone to the shower that isn't invited to the wedding.  But no one is invited to the wedding (not even me).  Should I just maintain that I don't invite anyone that isn't invited to the "after party"?

Should the shower be before the wedding or the after party?

TIA!
Report Reply to Post

Re: family-only destination wedding - shower?

  • Options
    AKWinterBrideAKWinterBride member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am having a destination wedding and my FMIL is throwing me a shower and is inviting people who can't make it to the real wedding.  It's up to them if they want to come...
    Photobucket Photobucket Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • Options
    SuMmErKuTiESuMmErKuTiE member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_family-only-destination-wedding-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:8ddcc16b-790d-44dc-8a5d-443420f67452Post:979af7da-28ac-4487-a446-4da1309f7d18">Re: family-only destination wedding - shower?</a>:
    [QUOTE]No one who is not also invited to the wedding should ever be invited to any prewedding party. This says, "You're not important enough to come to my wedding, but I'll let you come to this party in my honor and spend your money buying me presents." Showers are one of the things that a destination bride forfeits. You can, however, host a dinner party/picnic/barbecue/wine tasting/whatever "in honor of Sue and Joe's marriage" after the wedding.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    Ditto this 100% great advice!
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Green Fashionista Blog Updated 2/25
    Planning bio with lots of DIY
    Married Bio with For Sale
    Report Reply
  • Options
    hlq2011hlq2011
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto Retread and SummerKutie.  Unless you can manage a shower with only the guests invited to the actual ceremony, don't have one.
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Ditto Retread.

                       
    Report Reply
  • Options
    vhalbeckvhalbeck
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    So, i'm actually on the other side of the spectrum.

    My mother really wants to throw me a party with my family that won't be at the wedding either.  It's explicit that she is throwing the party and requesting no gifts.


    Report Reply
  • Options
    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_family-only-destination-wedding-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:8ddcc16b-790d-44dc-8a5d-443420f67452Post:55bd3c3f-64e1-43b7-84a1-94ae82f4a453">Re: family-only destination wedding - shower?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, i'm actually on the other side of the spectrum. My mother really wants to throw me a party with my family that won't be at the wedding either.  It's explicit that she is throwing the party and requesting no gifts.
    Posted by vhalbeck[/QUOTE]

    Yeah that's bad too.  You should never mention gifts on an invitation - even if they're not wanted.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    vhalbeckvhalbeck
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_family-only-destination-wedding-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:8ddcc16b-790d-44dc-8a5d-443420f67452Post:6734c639-7c08-4dad-9d54-0d39eeb56c2e">Re: family-only destination wedding - shower?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: family-only destination wedding - shower? : Yeah that's bad too.  You should never mention gifts on an invitation - even if they're not wanted.
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE


    It wasn't on the invitation, but i'll let my mom know that some stranger on the internet thinks she is in bad taste. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_family-only-destination-wedding-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:8ddcc16b-790d-44dc-8a5d-443420f67452Post:10c41846-6569-458b-a487-38a5b83de827">Re: family-only destination wedding - shower?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: family-only destination wedding - shower? : [QUOTE]In Response to Re: family-only destination wedding - shower? : Yeah that's bad too.  You should never mention gifts on an invitation - even if they're not wanted. Posted by banana468[/QUOTE It wasn't on the invitation, but i'll let my mom know that some stranger on the internet thinks she is in bad taste. 
    Posted by vhalbeck[/QUOTE]

    Are you going to tell her that she also has a daughter who writes passive aggressive rude posts on the Internet?
    Report Reply
  • Options
    mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_family-only-destination-wedding-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:8ddcc16b-790d-44dc-8a5d-443420f67452Post:979af7da-28ac-4487-a446-4da1309f7d18">Re: family-only destination wedding - shower?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>No one who is not also invited to the wedding should ever be invited to any prewedding party.</strong> This says, "You're not important enough to come to my wedding, but I'll let you come to this party in my honor and spend your money buying me presents." Showers are one of the things that a destination bride forfeits. You can, however, host a dinner party/picnic/barbecue/wine tasting/whatever "in honor of Sue and Joe's marriage" after the wedding.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.</div>
    imageDaisypath Anniversary tickers
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ctgal1083ctgal1083
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well, okay ladies, take it down a notch. First of all, etiquette - no mention of gifts on an invite, gotcha. Most stores that you register at give you cards to put in with invitations stating "If you would like to gift the newlyweds, they are registered (here)." Typically its added to invites to the wedding, since this is not the case, you can always address it via word of mouth. OR, if someone calls to RSVP and asks if the couple is registered anywhere, you may tell them (humbly), the couple is registered at so-and-so, gifts are welcomed, but not expected. You can talk about the new rug they wanted from that department store (or some other item), tell the caller that you're just getting them a giftcard for whatever they need for their married life. My point is, if the question arises, create a conversation about it. Most ppl are happy to give the couple something, just don't blatently tell them they have to. It's rude if you do.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards