I'm such a bad Catholic - confession/rant/babble

mcdol3 · April 2011

I was confirmed last year after going through the RCIA.
We've been gone so much over the past few weekends I have gone to church once since Lent began.
I have no excuses but I'm going to whine anyways.
It gets really frustrating having to go alone all the time. FI is a cradle Catholic and doesn't care one way or the other, but would prefer not to go to Church. Makes it so hard for me to go sit by myself. I thought if I went all the time he would come with me and start to strengthen his faith, but that doesn't seem to have happened in the past year.
I'm relatively new to the church and all their programs are on nights I work or have dance. No one from the RCIA keeps in touch anymore, save for one couple who moved away.
I have meetings/work every night this week and then we're leaving for FI's parents Friday morning. It's an 8-10 hour drive to a small town so we'll miss Good Friday. I'm thankful his parents will be going to Church Saturday and Sunday this weekend so I can go with them.
I'm not sure what happened this year. I've missed the entire Easter season without realizing it until this past weekend.
It seems that without the RCIA telling me when I should be at Church (they gave us a schedule last year that was amazingly helpful) I forgot when things were.

I feel awful inside.

Calypso1977 · April 2011

mcdol, dont feel bad. i have similar struggles with my husband. i feel ive been good about encouraging him to go to Mass (and fortunately he does go) but conversely, i dont get the support from him that i feel i should in terms of him encouraging me/us to go. I'm always the one who suggests we go - he never suggests it. as a result, we dont go every sunday, and i know we should. i wish i had that extra push from him and i wish i were simply stronger on my own to get motivated each week.

he's working thursday night, but i am thinking of going to holy thursday on my own. we will do the vigil together saturday night with our moms.

ive been forced to be somewhat independent on all things other than church simply because of hte nature of my husband's job (police officer). i often have to attend family functions alone simply because he's working. therefore, i'm ok with going to Mass alone (althoguh i dont like to).

your H may come around once kids are in the picture. otherwise, i would keep going and setting the example as best you can (and taking care of your own soul in the process).

doctabroccoli · April 2011

. *Hugs* We all have our times where we're maybe not so connected with the Church.

And I understand what you mean about wishing your FI would go with you as mine doesn't care for physically sitting in mass.

That really sucks you can't get involved. It really really helps with feeling the need to be at mass every week. If there's anything that appeals to you that works with your schedule, you should definitely do it! Building those relationships will strengthen you.

I'm sure you'll get it worked out!

mica178 · April 2011

Don't feel awful. I think most people go through peaks and valleys of church attendance.

It's harder when your partner needs more encouragement to attend. It's that way with my H too, and there are times when I just don't feel the energy to try to convince him to go to church.

My parents barely went to church until we kids were born, then they skipped fairly often because of the demands and schedules of parenting. Now, it's rare that they skip, even when traveling. And my dad goes to Mass without my mom when she travels (and he's not even Catholic!). For many, church attendance changes with life. Hopefully, you and your husband will grow into more regular attendance.

Meg1036 · April 2011

Ditto all the others.

And you've missed Lent, not Easter! Easter is a lovely season, and a great time to get back into feeling connected with the church!

aimers1525 · April 2011

I understand how you feel, and just know that you are not alone. Similar to pp's--I struggle to get my FI to go to mass w/me, and TBH I don't even try to push it anymoreLike @doctabroccoli--my FI just really doesn't like sitting through mass. . I do encourage him to go to mass w/me on Easter and Christmas though. He did seem to get quite a bit out of our marriage preparation sessions w/our priest so I'm thankful for that.

Growing up, my mom wasn't Catholic, so my dad brought my brother and I to church every weekend. I went to a Catholic university and immersed myself in the university ministry and my best friend and MOH is a pretty devout Catholic so she had a lot of influence on me. I actually enjoy going to mass by myself. It's my personal quiet time during the week. Sure, I wish FI was a little more involved in his faith, but perhaps that will come with time.

[Deleted User] · April 2011

Don't feel bad, girl.

While H and are I are exactly the opposite, I have felt like not going recently. There are some things we are very unhappy about going on in our church especially with our head Pastor. I have almost become disillusioned, but keep telling myself it is the faith that keeps me coming back. And all the issues are with the human side of the church, not the divine side.

And as you do it more, I think going to mass alone will get more comfortable for you. My husband's Grandma was my sponsor through RCIA. She could not always attend all of the classes with me nor was it at the church she regularly attended. So I often went to Mass by myself on Sunday's b/c at that time my then FI had already moved out of state. I think it will get better with time.

Congrats on being your 1 yr anniversary of coming into the church. I was confirmed 2 yrs ago this Easter Vigil. It is a special Mass for me and I always enjoy attending. None of my RCIA class really keeps in contact with each other either. But of course I have moved 650 miles away since then.

bibliophile2010 · April 2011

*hugs* I agree with others -- faith goes through peaks and valleys, and it can be really hard once that RCIA tug is over. I have seen it with many people who go through the process.

Get to reconcilliation this week -- start fresh with the (real) Easter Season, and you'll feel better already. I know that it can be hard to go to mass by yourself, but it does get easier the more you do it.

I feel like we've talked about this before, but are there any ministries/groups you can get involved with at your parish? I ask because I've found that it builds that network of people you know at mass and eases the feel of being "alone" if you are attending mass without FI. It also gives you something to plug into to feel more connected to the church, and, in turn, its calendar.

Happy 1st Catholic Birthday! I am also a convert and, even though I wasn't received into the Church at Easter Vigil, it holds a very special place in my heart because of the new members.

johnsonia · April 2011

I often go alone too. Dont feel bad you've missed. Im sure God will forgive you. Often you can feel just as connected without going. I always used to beg my FI to come with me. He came once & fell asleep. (In his defense, it was an incredibly boring homily about the Parish budget, and we were visiting the parish=no interest), plus the priest had a terribly thick accent you couldnt understand....

But... after that I dont really bother asking anymore. He is going through chemo treatments, so they make him very very very tired. He was anointed when he was diagnosed, but hes not really as religious as I am.

I go alone to mass because its for me & makes me feel good.

bel138 · April 2011

I feel you. Between me being on call and DH travelling for a living, our schedules are not always optimal for involvement at church. I really love going to Liturgy, and it just makes me feel better for the whole week. I REALLY try to get there if I can. Most times I end up going alone. IF (big if) DH is home, trying to pry him out of bed after his hectic work week is a chore. He refuses to set his own alarm and wants me to wake him up, but it's like waking the dead. So I give up and go alone sometimes. He swears it's not because he's losing his faith or doesn't want to go. He brags all the time that he didn't miss a single Sunday Liturgy for 10 years in his teens. He's just lazy. And I really wish I had the regular schedule and time to become more involved with the church community.

Go back, even if you go alone. You will feel better. Go to confession. That's the beautiful thing about Lent. It's supposed to be a time of renewal in your faith. Take that opportunity now.

aghouston86 · April 2011

I don't usually post here, but I totally understand. FI is a cradle Catholic as well, and gets super lazy and finds any excuse not to go. I have gone on my own plenty without him, and although its not the same as going together, I'm always glad I go. At times his lazy rubs off on me, and I feel bed just because I'm heavily involved at my parish. I'm a youth minister, and I'm on the pastoral council, so I have extra obligations to fulfil in my parish, which are often during the weekday do I'm there by myself a lot anyway. I agree that you to go even if it is without him. And also to do some reading up on things. I don't have the info in from of me, but there are several great resources for Catholics. I have one book called the 'Catholic Answer Guide' that was given to me when I was in the RCIA program. And also 'Catechism for the Catholic Church' is another good one.

aghouston86 · April 2011

Eta: lame auto correct.

mcdol3 · April 2011

Thanks you guys. This made me feel a little better.
I've been pretty good trying to get FI to go at least once a month, and then I try to go again alone at least once if the schedule allows.
I do plan to join the choir but it will have to wait until after the wedding. And I'd love to be a reader some day as well, but again, has to wait until after the wedding. Sigh. Maybe after we get married FI will come around. I'm certain when we have kids he'll have to go. Don't want to set a bad example

newlyseliski · April 2011

>HUGS!< You're not alone in being a bad catholic... we all are to some degree Thank God for reconciliation!

I've definitely also struggled this Lent in being "with it" and focusing on the season. Sure, I've managed to give up some stuff and get to a few extra Masses, but I wasn't as wholly engaged in it as I wish I'd be! I'm sure that all us spring brides on this board are right there with you in being ridiculously busy with all the last-minute wedding preparations.

My fi and I are also definitely at different places in our journeys to grow in faith... I think it can take awhile for most couples to merge their faith lives and begin to grow together in that way! I have a hard time not nagging and pushing my fiance to do a lot more church stuff with me... and I probably have unrealistic expectations considering we live an hour apart and he's still a full time student!

One thing that's helped us a lot is finding other couples and young adults our age that get together for things like sports night and theology on tap! While I really value relationships that I've established with other parishioners that are older and at different stages in life, there's no substitute for a supportive network of peers and friends to help you grow in faith and community. Might be something good to hunt for when you're both married and don't have a wedding to plan anymore! A social group might help your fi feel more comfortable with becoming more involved in his faith again.

threepinkroses · April 2011

I did my confirmation and communion last year with RCIA too and have struggled with going every Sunday without being "told" to by the instructor. My FI isn't very interested in going to Mass on Sundays either, but he does go with me once a month.

I haven't gone most of the year, but picked back up again during Lent. I wanted to make a promise to myself that I would go every week, and to be honest, I prefer going alone. FMIL was big into church for a long time, but fell away. She goes with me sometimes, but she irritates the ever living sh** out of me, so instead of feeling calm and at peace at Mass, I'm frenzied and unrested.

So, you're definitely not alone!

clearheavens · April 2011

*hug*

We all have peaks and valleys, not just in Mass attendance, but also in prayer life. It's a part of the journey.

God is infinitely merciful. He absolutely desires to have us come back any time no matter where we've been or what we've done. The fact you want to go to Mass to meet Him in the Eucharist is a blessing. The only thing to do now is to just go and do it.

lmeade62 · April 2011

I am fortunate that my FI goes to Mass faithfully...he's the one who got me into the Church, and Mass is important to him. But we're not together every Sunday, so for a long time, I went to Mass without him. I loved the Church, so it wasn't too bad, but it was lonesome.

I don't know if your church has special things like fish fries or bake sales or something. My parish has an Octoberfest in the fall and some other events like that. I found going and helping at those thing, even if it was before or after the event itself or just for an hour or two, really helped me get to know a lot of people. I sing now, too, so that helps a lot as well.

*hugs* and hang in there! It takes a little while to meet new people, but you'll get there.

Linda

lmeade62 · April 2011

Oh, PS, I haven't had a great Lent either...especially Fridays...

Linda

I'm such a bad Catholic - confession/rant/babble

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