Gift Opening Etiquette

libby2483 · February 2012

We are getting married on August 18, and we are planning to leave the next morning or afternoon for our honeymoon. Since we are both teachers and have to be back for the start of the new school year on August 28, our honeymoon will be from Sunday, August 19 to Monday, August 27. We are not sure that we will have time for a gift opening in this time span because we want to be on our honeymoon as long as possible. We are thinking of just having close family members and any friends who could make it come to a gift opening and grill out on Labor Day weekend (September 1). We don't mind waiting a couple of weeks to open our gifts, but is there any sort of etiquette rule that says we should open gifts right after the wedding? Or if we wait, would it be better to just open them on our own rather than have a get-together?

BTCarolus · February 2012

As far as I know the only etiquette "rule" is that the parents should be present for the gift opening (also super helpful since they can help keep records for the thank yous). I don't even know how commonly this is known anymore, but if your parents expect it you should do it. Something very low-key and non-stressful should be fine.

owengirl996 · February 2012

I think you'll be ok to wait. I'd say, as long as you send your thank you's out within a month, you should be fine! I don't know the exact etiquette for this situation, but being on the other end, after a month, I start wondering if I will get a thank you/if they received my gift. (Still haven't gotten a thank you for our wedding gift in October...only for the shower gift and I'm a little confused...)

spazticrexe · February 2012

Really, only a shower is for watching you open your gifts. People (in my experience at least) don't expect to watch you open the gifts they bring for you at the wedding. Open them on your own (or with your parents as others suggested) and don't worry about making a big deal about it. Besides, another get together could come across as gift-grabby.

Ajoyd · February 2012

I agree with PPs, I don't think you need to invite people to watch you open your gifts. Doing it with your parents and FI's parents if they want to come is sufficient.

If you can't open the gifts before you leave for your HM you should open them ASAP after because you really do want to get those thank yous out right away.

i2012do · February 2012

i think this must be a tradition somewhere in the US to do a "gift opening" perhaps in the south? i have no idea, but i saw this on other boards too.

I feel like it seems strange. Mostly people give cash at weddings and few presents- so I would feel so strange to open up card upon card of cash- unless it was in front of my parents.

Might just be a regional thing.

just open them when you get back with your parents.

I would leave them with your parents since your house will be unattended. God forbid someone knew about all teh gifts and broke in.

Lauren1102 · February 2012

When my one cousin got married his wife's grandma had a cook out the next day and they opened all cards and gifts there. They did say how much everyone gave except for the ones that were there they just said thank you for the gift and not saying how much it was for, which was respectful! They just had close friends and family there.

calindi · February 2012

Yeah, I'd never heard of this before, either!

I think there's no harm in waiting to open gifts until after you honeymoon, but it does feel a bit strange (to me, though it could be different for your family) to host a party a month after your wedding for people to watch you open gifts. I personally would do it just me and my new husband.

I really wouldn't want my in-laws there as I think they'd make snide comments about the rather expensive gifts I think I'll likely be getting from my side of the family (based on previous gifts for previous life events like graduation). We as a couple don't care at all who gives what and are grateful for anything we receive, but I do know that his parents already think he "struck it rich" by marrying me, so I wouldn't want them there while we're opening gifts to rub dirt in the wound. The ironic thing is my FI will likely always make more money than me and he's better at managing our finances - the fact that my parents are hosting the wedding, though, has been a spot where my in-laws have managed to make it seem like I have a silver spoon in my mouth and FI's getting his own by marrying me. I don't like that.

mbatzlaff · February 2012

I've been to a lot of gift openings. Generally they happen the next morning after the wedding, at the hotel, before all the guests have left town. Sometimes they do them at someone's home (couple, parents, etc.) who lives nearby. I think they are tacky because I really don't like it when everyone watches me open gifts. Plus as a gift giver there is always doubles of something and that gets awkward too. Even though its common in our circle, we don't plan to do it. We'll probably open gifts by ourselves. I don't think its neccessary to do a BBQ for it. You can celebrate with in town friends/family that you got back from the Honeymoon or that the new school year has started, but I wouldn't invite them over for a gift opening that far after.

rungirl12 · February 2012

At my sister's gift opening, it was just at my parent's house and it was both sets of parents & my Grandma (and me). It's common here to have it, but it's not a big "to-do." I have definitely heard of people doing it post honeymoon when they leave that night or the next day. That's completely fine & I would just limit it to each of your parents. I think a grill out sounds fun & a perfect low-key way to do it.

libby2483 · February 2012

Thanks for all of the tips ladies! The only reason that I am considering doing a gift opening is that in our area, gift openings are very common, and some friends and family members had actually mentioned that they would be disappointed if we didn't have one. Also, our family typically does a labor day grill out so I figured we could just put the events together. I do agree that it can feel awkward to open gifts in front of everyone, so we might do it with just our parents or on our own. And I'll definitely be prompt with the thank yous! I went to a wedding in October that I still haven't gotten a thank you for and it annoys me, so I would hate to make other people feel unappreciated.

bridejl · February 2012

In my family it is common and expected to have a gift opening, and actually I am quite looking forward to it lol. My parents will host it in their backyard and we will serve kielbasa and sauerkraut- since we can't go full Polish with food at the wedding (we are picky about good kielbasa, and anyway FI's uncle owns a Polish deli and makes his own kielbasa). This will also be a way to spend more time with our oot guests because half of our guest list is oot.

As far as gift opening etiquette, it seems so variable by location that there isn't really set etiquette. But, have fun with whatever you choose to do!

saraschilling88 · February 2012

We are having our gift opening the morning/afternoon after the wedding at the hotel FI and I are staying at (we blocked rooms for OOT family as well)! We invited our parents, grandparents, siblings, and any aunts/uncles/cousins who want to come (but my family is very close knit compared to others).

I would say you can wait until after your honeymoon (my brother and SIL did)!! Just get thank yous out right away!!

Gift Opening Etiquette

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