Bridal Shower Question

kelsey+brandon · January 2012

So I had talked to my MOH about my bridal shower and it's going to be at one of my bridesmaid's houses who lives near me. My mom and I were going over the list and we' have a ton of people we'd want to invite...like 50.

So now we're thinking of having the one my MOH is hosting in Raleigh, then FI's mom is throwing me a shower, but my mom thinks I should also have a shower in Greensboro - which is my hometown and where a lot of my extended family lives.

My question is...my mom wants the party to be at her townhouse, but she doesn't want to host since that's clearly poor ettiquette. Would it be okay if other people hosted it at my mom's?

Zimsgirl26 · January 2012

My sisters are hosting my shower at my moms and she's being a silent co host like footing the bill and letting it be at the house

L&J2012 · January 2012

It's poor ettiquette for her to host a shower at her house? I'm not sure what my mom and my bridesmaids' mom are planning, but I'd assume it would be at my bridesmaids' mom's house. Mind you, I don't read much ettiquette stuff, but I don't see a problem with your mom hosting at her house.

ETA: I did read up on it and I can see why it'd be poor ettiquette.I still think it's silly that the MOB isn't supposed to host.

But, you'd be perfectly fine having someone else host it at your mom's. My bridesmdaids are super busy with school and work and my MOH/sister is not the planning type at all, so my mom and their mom have taken the reins on this because they want me to have a bridal shower and know that my bridesmaids don't have time to plan it.

gregamywedding · January 2012

I don't see anything wrong with it.

peachykeen26 · January 2012

My FMIL and FSIL are hosting and planning the whole thing.
I say screw ettiquette and do what works with your family dynamics.
JMO

daria24 · January 2012

I think the whole "it's against etiquette for the MOB to host a shower" thing has gone the way of the dodo, at least in my circle. Most of the showers I have been to, the MOB has either been a host or a "silent host" and I didn't think anything of it. In most cases the MOB has a larger house than the BMs, has more serving dishes, etc so it just makes sense for the shower to be held at that location.

I wouldn't stress about it.

KrisKenny · January 2012

As long as YOU are not hosting your own shower, you're good. Your mom can host a shower for you though, totally fine.

HarperBargo · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bridal-shower-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:e58b2619-37da-4927-8cd9-acc6baf184f5Post:6e5c079d-9481-4a88-9c09-2f7e89bfc148">Re: Bridal Shower Question</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the whole "it's against etiquette for the MOB to host a shower" thing has gone the way of the dodo, at least in my circle. Most of the showers I have been to, the MOB has either been a host or a "silent host" and I didn't think anything of it. In most cases the MOB has a larger house than the BMs, has more serving dishes, etc so it just makes sense for the shower to be held at that location. I wouldn't stress about it.
Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]

This. In my family the MOB usually always hosts. I come from a big family and it would be really hard for someone to host all of us. I have never thought anything of it. Heck, my aunt even asked my mom at Christmas about my shower.

Shanee18 · January 2012

Confession: I had no idea that it was against etiquette for the MOB to host a bridal shower...? I thought the only no-no was that the couple was not to host showers for themselves.

My bridesmaids are hosting my shower so I guess I don't need to worry about the etiquette dynamic, but Kelsey would you mind explaining why it is against etiquette?

L&J2012 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bridal-shower-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:e58b2619-37da-4927-8cd9-acc6baf184f5Post:fa7f3416-6805-4fbf-be09-a9e80bd3f1f3">Re: Bridal Shower Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Confession: I had no idea that it was against etiquette for the MOB to host a bridal shower...? I thought the only no-no was that the couple was not to host showers for themselves. My bridesmaids are hosting my shower so I guess I don't need to worry about the etiquette dynamic, but Kelsey would you mind explaining why it is against etiquette?
Posted by Shanee18[/QUOTE]

<div>From what I just read online, apparently it can look gift-grabby (because people sometimes bring hostess gifts). I, too, had no idea and my mom and the mother of two of my bridesmaids are hosting mine.</div>

Ash61612 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bridal-shower-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:e58b2619-37da-4927-8cd9-acc6baf184f5Post:fa7f3416-6805-4fbf-be09-a9e80bd3f1f3">Re: Bridal Shower Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Confession: I had no idea that it was against etiquette for the MOB to host a bridal shower...? I thought the only no-no was that the couple was not to host showers for themselves. My bridesmaids are hosting my shower so I guess I don't need to worry about the etiquette dynamic, but Kelsey would you mind explaining why it is against etiquette?
Posted by Shanee18[/QUOTE]
It used to be considered bad etiquette for the mom to host because the mom would look gift grabby for her daughter. But I agree, it this this etiquette rule has gone out the window. Do what works for you.

amyl9 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bridal-shower-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:e58b2619-37da-4927-8cd9-acc6baf184f5Post:fa7f3416-6805-4fbf-be09-a9e80bd3f1f3">Re: Bridal Shower Question</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Confession: I had no idea that it was against etiquette for the MOB to host a bridal shower...?</strong> I thought the only no-no was that the couple was not to host showers for themselves. My bridesmaids are hosting my shower so I guess I don't need to worry about the etiquette dynamic, but Kelsey would you mind explaining why it is against etiquette?
Posted by Shanee18[/QUOTE]

Also confessing to this. My sister (MOH) is planning mine and brain-storming with my mom about it. My grandmother asked me yesterday if "your mother is planning your shower downstate or up here." I figure if Gram thinks it's ok for my mom to have a hand in planning and/or hosting my shower, then it must be ok.

kelsey+brandon · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bridal-shower-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:e58b2619-37da-4927-8cd9-acc6baf184f5Post:fa7f3416-6805-4fbf-be09-a9e80bd3f1f3">Re: Bridal Shower Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Confession: I had no idea that it was against etiquette for the MOB to host a bridal shower...? I thought the only no-no was that the couple was not to host showers for themselves. My bridesmaids are hosting my shower so I guess I don't need to worry about the etiquette dynamic, but Kelsey would you mind explaining why it is against etiquette?
Posted by Shanee18[/QUOTE]

<div>I think it's because the mom, in my case anyways, is hosting the wedding, so it's kind of like the bride or groom throwing a party for themselves? I don't know...I was iffy on this whole thing, so I wanted to throw it out there for all the etiquette experts out there.

</div>

Shanee18 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bridal-shower-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:e58b2619-37da-4927-8cd9-acc6baf184f5Post:5f65a0a5-36d3-45d3-b364-10bf52502713">Re: Bridal Shower Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal Shower Question : I think it's because the mom, in my case anyways, is hosting the wedding, so it's kind of like the bride or groom throwing a party for themselves? I don't know...I was iffy on this whole thing, so I wanted to throw it out there for all the etiquette experts out there.
Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]

<div>Thanks for the clarification!</div>

midgedenver · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bridal-shower-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:e58b2619-37da-4927-8cd9-acc6baf184f5Post:40428023-c8a9-4e77-817e-56582cb0ffd7">Re: Bridal Shower Question</a>:
[QUOTE]It's poor ettiquette for her to host a shower at her house? I'm not sure what my mom and my bridesmaids' mom are planning, but I'd assume it would be at my bridesmaids' mom's house. Mind you, I don't read much ettiquette stuff, but I don't see a problem with your mom hosting at her house. ETA: I did read up on it and I can see why it'd be poor ettiquette<strong>.I still think it's silly that the MOB isn't supposed to host.</strong> But, you'd be perfectly fine having someone else host it at your mom's. My bridesmdaids are super busy with school and work and my MOH/sister is not the planning type at all, so my mom and their mom have taken the reins on this because they want me to have a bridal shower and know that my bridesmaids don't have time to plan it.
Posted by L&J2012[/QUOTE]

Agreed. I'm going against ettiquette and my mom is hosting. My maid of honor and bridesmaids are all contributing. And it's really just that my mom is having the party at her house and providing food.

goodine11 · January 2012

My showers is at my FMIL's house. The bridal party hosting and responsible for cleaning the party space, after the shower.

MMRoberts11 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bridal-shower-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:e58b2619-37da-4927-8cd9-acc6baf184f5Post:1176c18a-7b14-48d9-92a3-d613688f469c">Re: Bridal Shower Question</a>:
[QUOTE]As long as YOU are not hosting your own shower, you're good. Your mom can host a shower for you though, totally fine.
Posted by KrisKenny[/QUOTE]

I agree with this.

kristin183 · January 2012

Hoenstly, my mom is basically hosting my Bridal Shower and is thrilled! I am having my Bridal Shower in Vegas while we are there for my Bachelorette Party... I have so many girls from out of town and many that live in Vegas I thought it was easier to have it there at my Mom's house. I had no idea it would be against etiquette and my mom didn't think twice about it... she is so excited to help with something. She hasn't been able to do much since I live in NM and she lives in Vegas. My bridesmaids are helping her though.

I don't see a problem.. if she is willing to have it at her house.

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