choosing a bridesmaid

dragons106 · December 2010

thank you for your feedback

mbcdefg · December 2010

I think it's pretty dumb for you to set a Bridesmaid Quota and then look for random people to fill that last slot.

mbcdefg · December 2010

It IS dumb. I'm not going to try and rephrase an obvious statement to protecxt her pwecious widdle feelings.

If you want to stop being from being "rude" and "mean" and whatever, go work in a preschool, instead of chatting with adults.

banana468 · December 2010

OP, go with an uneven BP.

trix1223 · December 2010

I think you're approaching this all wrong. I think you need to realize that WP's are not about symmetry or gender. I think you need to understand that you can have more or fewer people in your WP than your FI does.

I think you need to realize that asking someone to be in your WP won't necessarily bring you closer.

I think you need to understand that members of a WP don't have to do anything but show up on wedding day and walk down the aisle. so if you do ask her, don't expect her to fly across the country for dress shopping, fittings, showers, or parties, and that's just fine.

I also think you need to think about the dynamics in your own families. In my family, it's pretty much expected that siblings will be in WPs. However, and it's a big however, we all get along, and there isn't family drama to deal with.

I think this is a decision that you already know the answer to, just based on what you've written.

bablingbrooke · December 2010

What was the BM:GM ratio at the last four weddings you attended as a guest? Were the sides even? If not, which side had more? Can't remember, right? You probably didn't even notice. Neither will your guests. Don't ask a random person for the last "slot." Even if you're one of those "sides MUST be even people" you should go uneven. My DH is crazy about symmetry yet we still had uneven sides; no regrets here. Yes, even when we look at the photos (which doesn't happen that often, and really only happens now when we see people who weren't at the wedding and want to see the pictures).

zitiqueen · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_choosing-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:9f93f903-82f6-440d-9c1f-8060b8d1f4ccPost:de9e5227-e3f2-4cad-a681-a08c7b70ba45">choosing a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]ok so a little bit of background is in order here. my FH and i used to live with his only brother and his now wife (gf at the time). she and i had quite a few issues as we also worked together and she is entirely stupid (i cant deal with stupid people and this girl is REALLY stupid!) anyway we got into for a little while and it was really stressful on the rest of the family. i kinda made everything harder than it should have been because i was miserable having to live with her for 3 years. well its been almost 2 years since then and i now live accross the country from them and have worked out my differences with her and now everybody is happy. my problem now is that i need 1 more bridesmaid to have an even bridal party and i literally have NO girlfriends. i have been toying with the idea of asking the stupid one to be a bridesmaid as an almost political gesture to the rest of the family in an attempt to put my big girl panties on and really show that im sorry about the hell i put everyone through. i do feel bad about it and i dont mind her much anymore...plus i dont really have anyone else. should i ask someone im not all that close to or should i just have her stand up for me??? it would mean the world to my mother in law and my brother in law, not to mention she would be shocked and honored that i would ask! what do u think???
Posted by dragons106[/QUOTE]

dragons106 · December 2010

seriously??? proper punctuation and grammer? you do realize that this is 2010 right? thanks to all the ladies that replied and shared their views on this subject. i appreciate the feedback and you have given me much to think about.

vicki0508 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_choosing-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9f93f903-82f6-440d-9c1f-8060b8d1f4ccPost:2bad1efc-0947-4485-982c-66180cc8cc85">Re: choosing a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: choosing a bridesmaid : I will never understand why some posters feel the urge to be rude just because someone doesn't already know the etiquette. That's why these boards are here, to ask questions and be given answers. Not everyone comes here with a fount of wedding knowledge. Anyway, despite the crassness of the PP, they have the correct sentiment. You do not have to have an even numbered bridal party. Also, your bridal party does not have to be all women. If you have a close guy friend, you could ask him to be an honor attendant - he wouldn't come to the bridal shower, and he'd go to the bachelor party instead of the bachlorette, but he'd stand up on your side on the day of. If you really want even numbers and all females, there are worse things to do with a spot like that than make your family happy by asking someone you're not fond of but have to live with.
Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]
OP was the only rude one, calling her potential BM stupid on several occasions, referring to her as "the stupid one," etc.

I certainly wouldn't spare her feelings and write a super nice, coddling post, pretending like she's not being ridiculous.

bablingbrooke · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_choosing-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9f93f903-82f6-440d-9c1f-8060b8d1f4ccPost:0dfacda2-fc57-4134-9aa0-e4897577f47c">Re: choosing a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>seriously??? proper punctuation and grammer? you do realize that this is 2010 right?</strong> thanks to all the ladies that replied and shared their views on this subject. i appreciate the feedback and you have given me much to think about.
Posted by dragons106[/QUOTE]
Yes, in 2010 we still use proper grammar when communicating solely via text. Whoever told you that went out with the 20th century was lying to you. It's disrespectful to post something without it, since you're making people work harder to read what you write. Grown-ups use it. Writing like you do isn't flirty, or fun, or casual, it just means people won't take you seriously.

mbcdefg · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_choosing-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:9f93f903-82f6-440d-9c1f-8060b8d1f4ccPost:0dfacda2-fc57-4134-9aa0-e4897577f47c">Re: choosing a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]seriously??? proper punctuation and grammer? you do realize that this is 2010 right?
Posted by dragons106[/QUOTE]

I didn't realize that intelligence has gone out of style.

Then again, I haven't been watching MTV lately, so maybe it has. dur dur dur *fistpump*

garcias1 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_choosing-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:9f93f903-82f6-440d-9c1f-8060b8d1f4ccPost:2981f1b8-d083-4dfe-a103-ec591a21ff93">Re: choosing a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't ask anyone you refer to as "the stupid one". Accepting your offer would, in fact, be stupid. Before you choose your bridal party, consider your relationships. And, how you would feel if someone who referred to you as "the stupid one" asked you to be a spot filler in her wedding while you dished out loads of cash for dresses and such.
Posted by bdulli13[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what I was thinking as I was reading your OP. Chances are, your FILs are going to see right through this, since you obviously don't think highly of her. You are entitled to your opinion of her, but I don't think that asking her to BM is a good idea if she really doesn't mean that much to you. If you want to honor her, have FI ask her to do a reading at your ceremony. Otherwise, just invite her as a guest.

Manwaithiel · December 2010

But guyyyysss. IT'S 2010!!! Proper language and acting like a somewhat intelligent and learned human being was so last millenium!

bablingbrooke · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_choosing-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9f93f903-82f6-440d-9c1f-8060b8d1f4ccPost:69383dbc-324c-4a06-92ce-362c17f469ae">Re: choosing a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: choosing a bridesmaid : I love irony. If you're going to bully the girl about proper language you really should make sure everything you write is impeccable. There's a spell check button below.
Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]
Um, Manwa was being sarcastic...

trix1223 · December 2010

cmon u guyz u no wat she ment wat dif duz ti mak if she soundz lik a 13 yrold on a droid?

lalap69 · December 2010

I'm pretty sure there's a difference between making the occasional spelling error or type and writing entirely illegibly. If you can't see that difference, then I despair for you.

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