July 2012 Weddings

Can I please vent some more? MELTDOWN TIME!

1. Remember how my jeweler was going to custom design some wedding day earrings for me from my family diamonds? They just called to tell me that the blue diamonds that have been in my family for about a hundred years - that I had previously had appraised and basically been cherishing/worshipping my whole life - are not, in fact, diamonds, and are merely simulated stones.  I am devastated. 

2. Looks like our house deal is going to fall through. Our realtor was worried that if we purchased the home for anywhere near the list price, that the home would not appraise properly because it's so much more expensive than the "comps" in the area.  He had this conversation with the seller and explained that was the main reason why we offered such a lower amount.  The seller is basically saying "I own the house with cash, I don't even need to sell, I can do what I want", and not budging on his list price at all.  I am pretty devastated.  It's not that we can't afford the list price, it's that there would seriously be issues with getting financed properly because, compared to other recent sales, the home is significantly overpriced and would not appraise properly.

3.  Turns out most of my friends are not able to come to either my shower or my bachelorette party. I keep getting more and more emails with excuses, other plans, etc. and it is starting to break my heart. I have been going to showers and bachelorette parties all across the midwest practically every month for my friends since I was in college, and none of them seem to be returning the favor for me, and it makes me really sad. I am supposed to head to Chicago this weekend for YET ANOTHER bachelorette party and I really want to cancel due to my current mental health state.   I only know of three girls out of about 15 who are actually coming to my shower.

4. all of the above-referenced vents just caused me to have a mini-meltdown at work and I am feeling really miserable now!!!

thank you for letting me vent. I normally try not to be a whiny brat, but I am falling apart today, and venting makes me feel better.  :)

Re: Can I please vent some more? MELTDOWN TIME!

  • I also meant to add that even though I messaged our invitation designer yesterday to ask for shipment information so that I could track our invitations, I STILL have not heard from yet. We ordered our invites in JANUARY. I am so livid and we seriously aren't going to be able to hire a calligrapher now that we are so pressed for time. And it is all her fault.
  • 1. That's a bummer and I'm all for the real stuff too; but if you like them and they're pretty it's not the end of the world, only you will know. 

    2. Ugh that really sucks, I was working hard at sending good vibes your way but apparently my good viber isn't as good as it used to be? Have you talked to your realtor about countering or does it sound like it's over? I'm so sorry, hopefully you find something like it soon :(

    3. Boo! Those whores!
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  • boooh, I really hope you have a better day!! Hope when you get out of work you get to enjoy a glass of wine or a strong drink! Hope things look up!
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  • I hope your day gets better!!!

    1- I am not sure why it matters if they are real diamonds or not.. The point of them should be the sentimental value behind them not the monetary.

    2. This SUCKS!  Not much else I can say :(

    3.  THis also really SUCKS  and I know exactly how yuo feel!  I have been going to endless bridal showers, baby showers and other parties so I really hope my friends dont do the same to me!

    4.  Cheer up!!
  • You poor thing. I am in such a fragile mental state here too that I actually (literally) teared up reading your post. I know there are more important/stressful things in life, and that you THINK you're sounding whiny/bratty, but really, we are here for you to vent to! And any one of those things would make me cry :(

    I agree with colleen re the blue "stones" though - I think you should use them anyway. Or is the cost too much to reset them if they're not diamonds? I understand not wanting to spend a lot to re-set something that only has sentimental value.

    As far as the house, I am SO sorry. I think maybe it just wasn't meant to be? I think everything in life happens for a reason and maybe you just weren't meant to deal with this guy?

    As far as the friends, I totally, TOTALLY understand. I am having the same exact issue, and it really sucks. I wouldn't cancel on the Chicago trip just yet because maybe what you need is to blow off some steam and relax a bit with your friends.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_can-i-please-vent-some-more-meltdown-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:ddb0f12d-79d8-4ffa-9da3-c39f6fbabd3ePost:d6a9f2dd-b250-4cc1-b18c-e8bfbb1ce879">Re: Can I please vent some more? MELTDOWN TIME!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You poor thing. I am in such a fragile mental state here too that I actually (literally) teared up reading your post. I know there are more important/stressful things in life, and that you THINK you're sounding whiny/bratty, but really, we are here for you to vent to! And any one of those things would make me cry :( I agree with colleen re the blue "stones" though - I think you should use them anyway. <strong>Or is the cost too much to reset them if they're not diamonds? I understand not wanting to spend a lot to re-set something that only has sentimental value</strong>. As far as the house, I am SO sorry. I think maybe it just wasn't meant to be? I think everything in life happens for a reason and maybe you just weren't meant to deal with this guy? As far as the friends, I totally, TOTALLY understand. I am having the same exact issue, and it really sucks. I wouldn't cancel on the Chicago trip just yet because maybe what you need is to blow off some steam and relax a bit with your friends.
    Posted by bridetobe71412[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Ohhhhh this makes much more sense now. Hmmm...I'm not sure what I would do. 

    </div>
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  • Yea, with the diamonds, to make them into the design that I had in mind (1 carat diamond studs with diamonds that came from a ring I inherited, plus the blue diamonds making a halo around them), it was going to be close to $2000. It seems pretty silly to do that with little fake blue rocks :(

    Obviously there is still sentimental value, it's just really sad that my cousin who I inherited them from thought they were diamonds too, and gifted them to me as blue diamonds, and etc., only to find out now it was all a fake. i start bawling as soon as the jeweler told me. I am such an emotional sap right now!!! 

    The seller technically has until Friday morning to respond in writing to our offer. He has been a total a-hole so far so we are fully expecting him to just walk away and be mean about making such a low offer rather than even countering.  

  • Aww poor thing! I'm sorry!

    I know you love the house, but sounds like it isn't meant to be and I'm sure this weekend you will go out and find one that you like even better and you'll be so excited this one didn't work out. Youre smart for not getting too emotionally attached to the house and looking at the value and appraisal part of it too. Most people buy their homes as an investment, so it's important you're getting a good deal and it's never a good idea to buy the most expensive or nicest house in the neighborhood.

    I feel you about going to baby showers/weddings/bridal showers. Even when I lived out of state I would try everything to make it to these events for my friends, hoping that when it is my time they would come to my events. I would be really upset too. I havent had any excuses yet, but my invitations for my shower just went out.

    Hang in there! Splurge and get yourself a fancy smoothie from your juice bar at work (so jealous you have this at work) and then when you get home, open a bottle of wine and ask for a massage from your FI. My FI gave me the best massage last night and it seriously made me feel better.
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  • Oh no everything you mentioned is awful.

    If you got your family diamonds appraised, how did the jeweler find out they are not actually diamonds? Was the first appraiser wrong? What about getting a second opinion?

    That sucks about your house. But in reality, I don't think the bank will give you a mortgage for the house if the house is appraised for lower than your asking price. For our house, it appraised for $10,000 less than what FI asked and because the sellers were motivated to sell, they dropped the final price. IF ONLY the seller of this house was more motivated to sell.  Don't buy the house if it's worth less than what you pay for it.

    I can't believe your friends are being so flaky. This would really hurt my feelings too. If they have a legitimate excuse, that's fine, but they should realize that you made an effort to be apart of their wedding events and that it would mean a lot to you for them to attend your events. I would cancel on going to Chicago, Unless the bride is one of the guests who will be attending your shower/bachelorette party.

    Really what's going on with your invitation designer? Is she having personal problems that are delaying the timing of your invitations. Your wedding is so soon and you need them ASAP. Did she warn you about how long it would take or is she just being flaky too? I hope she responds to you soon about tracking the package. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I know how nerve-racking this must be for you.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_can-i-please-vent-some-more-meltdown-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:ddb0f12d-79d8-4ffa-9da3-c39f6fbabd3ePost:8e66f805-7dd0-4faa-9024-4bc0fb4334f9">Re: Can I please vent some more? MELTDOWN TIME!</a>:
    [QUOTE]100. Hugs!
    Posted by Schatzi13[/QUOTE]

    This, too. :)
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  • I'm sorry bfj.

    I'm sorry about the diamonds. That is crushing. At least you still have the ring for sentimental purposes. I wouldn't spend $2,000 to convert them to earrings though. Maybe you can buy some other earrings you'd like and start a new family heirloom. You can pass it to a daughter/nieces, ect when you're older!

    That sucks about the house!! I'm guessing the seller isn't going to get his asking price, especually if it's that much higher than comparables. He'll end up having to come down in price. Just keep a good working relationship with him, so when he does come down, he'll sell to you! Has he counter offered yet? (Sorry if you already said this, and I missed it.)

    I'm also sorry to hear about your shower/b-party. It totally sucks to think that your friends aren't returning your favor- since you've gone to all of theirs. Does anyone have a really bad excuse? Or just the typical schedule conflict stuff? Also, where will you be going in Chicago?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_can-i-please-vent-some-more-meltdown-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:ddb0f12d-79d8-4ffa-9da3-c39f6fbabd3ePost:8cf2a288-0bae-4cda-9647-309c0942bbc5">Re: Can I please vent some more? MELTDOWN TIME!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh no everything you mentioned is awful. If you got your family diamonds appraised, how did the jeweler find out they are not actually diamonds? Was the first appraiser wrong? What about getting a second opinion? Posted by arunkumar[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this. Since you got it appraised before, is it possible that something fishy might have happened? I've heard about this before. Whenever my parents take my moms jewelry/diamonds to be cleaned or reset they don't let the diamonds out of their sight. Could something have happened with the original appraiser?

    I'm sorry about everything else ): That's such a bummer about the house and your friends. I completely understand how you feel about your friends bailling. It's such a let down when you do so much for them and they don't do the same in return.
    "Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are."
  • You guys are right - I am really wondering about what happened with the diamond appraisal the first time around. My mom said that the appraiser kept offering to buy the blue diamonds from her because they were so rare. I can't imagine my mom would have used someone who wasn't able to tell the difference between a real diamond and a fake diamond.  The gemologist I just spoke with from the jewelry store said that the orignial setting they were in had not been messed with, but perhaps the original appraiser did some type of major switcheroo on my mom...who knows. Either way, it's just really sad :(
  • TChiumiTChiumi member
    100 Comments
    1.  I'm really sorry to hear about your family jewelry.  You must be devastate.  At least you still have the ring maybe you could wear it on your wedding day.  I have a ring my grandmother left me and it doesn't fit.  I plan on having it reset or the diamonds turned into earrings someday. Maybe you could do something like that. 

    2.  I wonder why this guy is being such an A-hole.  He sounds like a real jerk.  Maybe once he thinks about what your realtor said he will change his mind.  I know this may sound silly but I believe everything happens for a reason and if that house is meant to be yours it will be.  

    3.  I can't believe your friends are being so careless about coming to your shower and bachlorette party.  Maybe you should let them know how you feel.  I also wouldn't cancel on going to Chicago just yet.  It sounds like you could use some fun and it might help you relax and blow off some steam.  

    I sure hope your day gets better.  hugsSmile
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  • ::virtual hug::

    I don't have much else to add, but hang in there! I'm sorry you are going through all this right now, and that things just seem to be piling on. I'm sure they will get better soo, though!
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  • Aww I'm so sorry for your crappy day, and week it sounds like! I hope things get better :( It sounds like everyone is just down in the dumps this week.
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    The only thing I can add here is that I hate bridesmaids and I feel your pain.  So over all of them.
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  • Hugs!  I am so sorry about all of it!  I can only imagine how upset you were to get that news from your jeweler!  That really sucks!  As for the house issue it may be better to not have to deal with someone who has been being a jerk from the get go.  I am sure you will end up finding something even better if this doesnt work out.  Hugs about the shower stuff!  I know how upsetting that is.  I have planned a huge 30th birthday party for all 4 of my closest friends over the last 5 years and not one of them showed up to mine last year.  They all had excuses of why they couldnt make it.  It was really hurtful and upsetting.  Having hit happen when it is related to your wedding would make it much worse.  Lots and lots of hugs to you!  I hope your day gets better!
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  • mekiakoomekiakoo member
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    edited May 2012
    What a crappy thing you're going through! I'm so sorry. Justa thought, is there a way you could get the house appraised on your own and see how much it is really worth then use it against the seller? This is a far shot, but maybe it'd make the seller willing to lower the price? Basically this sucks, but there is a perfect house waiting for you guys somewhere out there!
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  • Awww I'm sorry that all of this is hitting you at once.  It sounds extremely overwhelming at the moment.  Just hang in there, the perfect house is out there.  We low-balled one house and it didn't work out but that weekend we ended up finding the house we just bought.  Hang in there, things will get better.

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  • I'm so sorry :( *hugs*

    I completely understand being overly-emotional right now. I'm the same way, but these are some really not cool things going on for you at the moment! But, in the end, everything will be ok and will work out, and you'll end up with a home you love and married to the man of your dreams :) I know it's way easier for me to say than for you to hear/realize, but just trying to be a voice of reason lol (Wouldn't work on me either, don't feel bad if you roll your eyes at my post lmao)

    Out of curiosity, where are you going in Chi-town? My friends are talking about having my bachelorette party up there...I'm soooo excited to find out what they're planning! (It will be either that or Indy!)
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  • *HUGS!!!!*  Everything will work out alright!!  Everything totally sucks...

    While I was home, my MOH & I had Friday night planned out with a girls night...and of course she bailed because she said she was 'menstrual'....WTF? So there were only 4 of us...it was still fun, but ya...ugh...I don't understand people sometimes...

    Can the invites be canceled? Can you order from someone else? If you ordered in January, shouldn't they have been here by now?  Invites need to go out within the next few weeks...
  • thanks for the support everyone :) turns out a yoga class and dinner/cuddle time with my fiance did miracles for me.

    for the people who asked where in Chi I am going - I really have no idea, haha! We are meeting at our friend's apartment and going out to a stripper show of some sort and out to dinner and some clubs....even though I end up going to downtown Chi probably 3 times a year or so, I still have no idea where I am going!!

    As far as the invites go....she is having the envelopes overnighted to me so we can at least start addressing soon. it is making me SO MAD! I would order somewhere else but she has already been paid in full so I don't know if we would even get refunded. She keeps making BS excuses and I am going leave her absolutely scathing reviews. Our goal was to drop our invites in the mail on May 21st, and if she keeps us from being able to do that, all hell is going to break loose!!
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