Lunch and a question....lurkers come out and play!

kd.joseph · December 2012

Ok, lunch for me will be a turkey club panini and veggie straws.

How do you really feel about JOP weddings followed by a PPD? Can you see a scenario, where it may be ok?

Lurkers, make sure to post in the intro board and join the conversations!

LesPaul · December 2012

Lunch is TBD. It's 10:15. I'll probably go somewhere with my CWs.

I think the JOP/PPD is acceptable under very few circumstances, and only when everyone knows the JOP happened and the PPD is not over-the-top and ridiculous. If there is even a hint of the classic "BUT I DIDN'T GET MY REAL WEDDING' then it's absolutely not ok.

freebread03 · December 2012

Lunch is...hopefully somewhere good! We are on vacation in San Diego, and just waiting for the sun to come out. I'm sitting here building a SharePoint site for something for work after taking 6:30 and 7:00AM conference calls (yeah, so much for vacation). Unfortunately I didn't realize my company migrated all new sites to the 2010 platform and I've only working in 2007 before so, I've got a little figuring out to do.

I'm having a real hard time trying to come up with a reason a PPD would be ok after a JOP. However, I do think as long as you are honest with friends and family, it's relatively ok (though skip the bridal party and pre-wedding parties, and probably first dance etc.) Maybe if you or your FI were facing a deadly disease and needed health insurance, it would be ok. Life or death situations only, because it's not like you could really just wait.

kd.joseph · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_lunch-and-a-questionlurkers-come-out-and-play?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:9b892c3d-9e79-49f8-a8a7-3906d997ed96Post:15325384-89ff-40dc-be2b-857e3cc8dafa">Re: Lunch and a question....lurkers come out and play!</a>:
[QUOTE]Lunch is TBD. It's 10:15. I'll probably go somewhere with my CWs. I think the JOP/PPD is acceptable under very few circumstances, and only when everyone knows the JOP happened and the PPD is not over-the-top and ridiculous. If there is even a hint of the classic "BUT I DIDN'T GET MY REAL WEDDING' then it's absolutely not ok.
Posted by LesPaul[/QUOTE]

I tend to agree with you about the over the top thing. I understand about having family there, and I see some exceptions when its someone who is not a citizen or something.

Hell I had to get married 3 times to have my PPD ;)

cwaggoner07 · December 2012

Lean Cuisine pizza. This time of year is full of highs and lows with eating healthy.

Before I got married the JOP/PPD idea didn't really bother me. I was indifferent. But after getting married I thought about how I would feel going through the whole ceremony if it was fake (whether the guests knew or not) and how phony it would have felt. Because when I said my vows I meant it 100%. I don't mind an AHR, or even a 'celebration' party, but having 2 ceremonies is what sets me off more than anything.

LesPaul · December 2012

I got it right the 2nd time, kd. 8-)

I could see if there is an illness or citizenship issue, maybe. I've seen a couple of ladies here who handled it well, and many who didn't. I get bent out of shape when it's deceptive, and the families don't even know the couple is already married.

anna.oskar · December 2012

Lunch was Impossible Cheeseburger Pie a la Bisquick. I'm classy like that.

I agree with Les. I don't have a problem in general with having a PPD after a JOP unless there is deception or a ridiculous amount of time has passed.

Do a JOP for visa, medical, military, whatever reasons and then have a big day at the first available time.. cool. I'll be there and celebrate.

Do a JOP because you supposedly cannot afford anything more and then have a big day a year later and call it your wedding? Silly and AWish. I shan't be attending.

Do a JOP and pretend you're not married until your PPD? If I find out, I will judge you.

To me, marriage is serious business. Not something to be played around with like we're still children.

kd.joseph · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_lunch-and-a-questionlurkers-come-out-and-play?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:9b892c3d-9e79-49f8-a8a7-3906d997ed96Post:f886d3c4-8e41-429a-99d1-9e621be0f82d">Re: Lunch and a question....lurkers come out and play!</a>:
[QUOTE]Lean Cuisine pizza. This time of year is full of highs and lows with eating healthy. Before I got married the JOP/PPD idea didn't really bother me. I was indifferent. <strong>But after getting married I thought about how I would feel going through the whole ceremony if it was fake (whether the guests knew or not) and how phony it would have felt. Because when I said my vows I meant it 100%. I don't mind an AHR, or even a 'celebration' party, but having 2 ceremonies is what sets me off more than anything.
</strong>Posted by cwaggoner07[/QUOTE]

I like this Swag and I agree. H and I toyed with the idea of a AHR, but it just would not have worked.

bunni727 · December 2012

Chilli in a bread bowl. nom.

For me, there is no reason to ever have a ceremony after having a JOP, and saying it is for a real wedding or to be a real bride is just mean and hurtful to those who had JOP weddings. I don't think a party later celebrating the marraige is a huge deal, as long as everyone is hosted properly and told the truth.

brittany634 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_lunch-and-a-questionlurkers-come-out-and-play?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:9b892c3d-9e79-49f8-a8a7-3906d997ed96Post:59c17e08-6e9c-43b7-b2a9-a8077d0ad580">Re: Lunch and a question....lurkers come out and play!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm unreasonably excited for lunch. My H made a italian bread crust coated pork tenderloin last night, along with baby potatoes, sauteed mushrooms, and asparagus. LEFTOVERS. The only scenario I might 'forgive' would be for immigration purposes like kd said. I'm on the fence about military. <strong> I think if it relates to deployment, then it's ok.</strong> But if it's related to just getting benefits earlier?<strong> Then</strong>, no. Also, if it involves lying then always no.
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

This is the instance I would say it's okay- Unfortunately if you aren't married you can't live on base- and if there is a deployment invoved getting JOP and then a PPD later I could understand, I also agree with the immigration.

Lunch is left over firehouse :) yummy!

TiffanyT816 · December 2012

Frozen healthy choice alfredo. You all have way better sounding lunches than the cardboard I'll be eating in a few hours. UGH.

I agree with JCB - especially about the military part. I was in the navy and TONS of people got married just for the benefits.

TiffanyT816 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_lunch-and-a-questionlurkers-come-out-and-play?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:9b892c3d-9e79-49f8-a8a7-3906d997ed96Post:8e7c23be-e503-47ba-b5f1-b464f87c79fd">Re: Lunch and a question....lurkers come out and play!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Lunch and a question....lurkers come out and play! : Here's where I'm conflicted, though. I mean, these people chose to serve our country. Maybe it's ok that they get benefits right away and PPD later. I dunno. I'm torn.
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

That makes sense - but what about the ones who are getting married just for the benefits? They hardly know each other and are constantly with other people....not even in a committed relationship. I don't think they should get a PPD. I guess each situation is really different.

TiffanyT816 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_lunch-and-a-questionlurkers-come-out-and-play?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:9b892c3d-9e79-49f8-a8a7-3906d997ed96Post:ab39bcc4-ad0c-4dd0-88a9-1863d92117ac">Re: Lunch and a question....lurkers come out and play!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm jumping in selfishly because I have a question of my own and didn't want to start a new thread. Lunch today is cobbled together from leftovers last night - sort of a taco salad with brown rice, chorizo, tomatoes, and some tortilla chips. I hope it's decent. I don't have an issue with JOP/PPDs if the couple is honest. I figure everyone loves a party with free food, so I'm not going to complain. I do have an issue when it's a sense of entitlement. On the military side, I don't care when it's a matter of marrying before a deployment then having a party later. I judge it if there's a fake ceremony. I also HATE the attitude among some young military brides that "I DESERVE this PPD because of what I / my DH do for this country". I honor our troops, and am married to a former Navy yeoman, but it bugs me when someone doesn't own their decision and acts entitled under the guise of "<strong>all the sacrifices they've made". Our service members choose to make those sacrifices, or to marry someone who has chosen that. Throw a welcome home party, throw a big anniversary party, do anything to celebrate that you want. But don't pretend the circumstances were out of your control. </strong>Sigh. Got a bit ranty there. Sorry. And this is completely unrelated, but does anyone have any good spaghetti squash recipes that they'd recommend?
Posted by kwitherington[/QUOTE]

This! I was in the Navy, (actually did the same job as you H) and completely agree with all of this.

anna.oskar · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_lunch-and-a-questionlurkers-come-out-and-play?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:9b892c3d-9e79-49f8-a8a7-3906d997ed96Post:ab39bcc4-ad0c-4dd0-88a9-1863d92117ac">Re: Lunch and a question....lurkers come out and play!</a>:
[QUOTE] this is completely unrelated, but does anyone have any good spaghetti squash recipes that they'd recommend?
Posted by kwitherington[/QUOTE]

<div>I only do it two different ways. </div><div>
</div><div>*Just like spaghetti noodles topped with sauce and meat if I'm in the mood.</div><div>
</div><div>*Totally bad for you smothered in melted butter, brown sugar, and a sprinkle of cloves, cinnamon, and ginger.</div>

Angelface225 · December 2012

Lunch: Friday treat of GF poutine (fries, cheese and gravy for the Americans) I'm trying to follow this post but the acronyms are killing me, what do:PPD, JOP and AHR stand for? Sorry I'm still pretty new!

misssunshine17 · December 2012

Lunch was a sweet potato I needed to get rid of:) yum. I just discovered I loved them like 3 months ago.

The only other (longshot) I can think of is if the day is already planned- deposits done, dress done, everything bought, etc and a VIP gets tragically ill and the couple wants to be married with them there. Even in that situation, I would hope they would be honest and woudl change the ceremony to fit the situation.

thurmanpowell · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_lunch-and-a-questionlurkers-come-out-and-play?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:9b892c3d-9e79-49f8-a8a7-3906d997ed96Post:7f363388-8920-4c1a-8621-69199b0c3afb">Re: Lunch and a question....lurkers come out and play!</a>:
[QUOTE]Lunch was Impossible Cheeseburger Pie a la Bisquick. I'm classy like that. I agree with Les. I don't have a problem in general with having a PPD after a JOP unless there is deception or a ridiculous amount of time has passed.<strong> Do a JOP for visa, medical, military, </strong>whatever reasons and then have a big day at the first available time.. cool. I'll be there and celebrate. Do a JOP because you supposedly cannot afford anything more and then have a big day a year later and call it your wedding? Silly and AWish. I shan't be attending. Do a JOP and pretend you're not married until your PPD? If I find out, I will judge you. To me, marriage is serious business. Not something to be played around with like we're still children.
Posted by anna.oskar[/QUOTE]

I agree with this, although still not in every case. I guess to me, if you were planning the wedding already, then something suddenly happens to puch back your plans and you the PPD can't happen until later that's one thing. But when people have JOP weddings and never had other plans then come back a year or so later I don't think there's a good reason for that (well, maybe a medical issues).

Angelface225 · December 2012

Thanks Edie! I really tried but could not figure out what PPD was for the life of me! LOL

Angelface225 · December 2012

I had never even heard of this situation before joining TK. In some cases it seems really dishonest to me. I understand if there are extenuating circumstances, but it seems to come up on E a lot!

cwaggoner07 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_lunch-and-a-questionlurkers-come-out-and-play?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:9b892c3d-9e79-49f8-a8a7-3906d997ed96Post:b2e4235a-6e0d-4b1c-89ce-23b9e83faba8">Re: Lunch and a question....lurkers come out and play!</a>:
[QUOTE]I had never even heard of this situation before joining TK. In some cases it seems really dishonest to me. I understand if there are extenuating circumstances, but<strong> it seems to come up on E a lot</strong>!
Posted by Angelface225[/QUOTE]

Yep. It's seriously exhausting.

NYCMercedes · December 2012

Already ate my Celeste personal pizza that I have every day. No no no. A wedding is a wedding. It used to mean something. If half of all marriages end in divorce, then maybe many of those people just take weddings and marriages too lightly to start off. Is it about love and commitment or about benefits and insurance? Who doesn't love a wonderful party? It doesn't need a WP or officiant or big white dress.

lovelybride614 · December 2012

What about a same-sex marriage in a legal state and a big day in their home state? Everyone would know in the wedding guest list so it wouldn't be lies or sneaky but a necessity.

lovelybride614 · December 2012

Ok, I understand more of what you all meant now. I'm sorry for the confusion.

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