How young is too young to be a flower girl/ring bearer?

tanyanubin · January 2012

In your experience, how young is too young? For my daughter's wedding we have a number of choices. We have children from 2.5 to 4.5 years old in the family, and they're all equally related, so it's awkward to choose. We dont want any hurt feelings. We're hoping that we can weed out the 2.5's because they are too young, and just ask the 3.5 and 4.5's. Any experience with this? We're already having several junior bridesmaids. We think that some of the parents will opt to leave the kids home, making our choice easier!

Rose March · January 2012

I would say 3+ is best but the choice is yours.

sparent2010 · January 2012

Really they should be able to walk themselves down the aisle and have a basic understanding of what their role is.

MyUserName1 · January 2012

Mine's only two.

But I don't have high expectations of what she'll do. If she walks the whole way, I'll be thrilled.

If she actually throws any flowers I'm going to be all "My niece is the most brilliant, amazing, beautiful child on the planet"

jelybeancg · January 2012

Our FG will be 2 months shy of 3. The ring bearers are more honorary if anything because they will only be 9 months. I have a firm grasp on reality and it will not be the end of the world if they don't cooperate.

Also, I did not ask the children to be involved until FBIL & FSIL said they were 100% bringing the kids. If they wanted some adult time away from the kids I would not have made them bring the kids just to have them involved. So maybe wait and see who chooses to leave their kids home and have that guide your decision.

Milsey32 · January 2012

Our FG was 4, our RB was 7 I think.

Young kids are cute, but like PP mentioned - I think they should be able to walk themselves down and have a basic understanding. However, you can't get mad if they don't do what you want.

Jaridds68 · January 2012

Our FG will be about 3 1/2, her mom will be helping her understand her role. On the big day, we'll guage if she can walk down the aisle by herself (she's a bit shy), if not her mom may assist her or one of the bridesmaids. Either way her parents will be at the front so she can be a part of the ceremony but not have to stand up the entire time. I was a FG for ~8 weddings (I have a big family) starting as young ~3...it can be scary/daunting to see a room full of ppl you dont know. But it always helped having a parent or favorite uncle at the end of the aisle.

OliveOilsMom · January 2012

It really depends on the child. If they are very independant at a young age and won't freak out if there mom or dad aren't in eye sight - it will work out fine. My nephew is going to be almost 2 at my wedding. He is more of an honorary ring bearer. If he seems cool about walking down the aisle, that is wonderful. But if he doesn't want to walk, it's not the end of the world to me.

Grits8812 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_young-young-flower-girlring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af94a99a-2fc7-4731-86e0-c47a866ee4a4Post:a5f42161-13da-4f5a-827c-67fbc60f5dd8">Re: How young is too young to be a flower girl/ring bearer?</a>:
[QUOTE]Really they should be able to walk themselves down the aisle and have a basic understanding of what their role is.
Posted by sparent2010[/QUOTE]
This.

J&K10910 · January 2012

Have you considered not having them at all? I think if I was concerned about picking and hurting feelings, I might just leave those roles out. Not saying you SHOULDN'T have them, but it's always an option.

LP11509 · January 2012

At my aunts wedding, I was a flower girl and my cousin was the RB. He was 3.5 or so. My aunt made the mistake of actually putting the rings on his pillow. Halfway down the aisle, he got scared/mad/upset, threw the rings into the pews, sat down in the middle of the aisle and started screaming/crying.

So as long as you have realistic expectations and know that the above COULD happen and are ok with that, then go for it. But FGs and RBs are not a necessity at all.

tanyanubin · January 2012

Thanks! You guys have pretty much confirmed what I thought. I think my daughter will just have 2 flower girls-- 4.5 years and 7 years old, two junior bridesmaids, two regular bridesmaids and a MOH. wow...sounds like a lot now that I type it! lol

Starqueg · January 2012

My little brother was a ring bearer when he was about 2 or so for our aunt's wedding. He flat out refused to walk down the aisle with me so he was left with someone and I walked with someone else. Part way through the ceremony he decided that he wanted daddy. Well, dad was part of the ceremony and was at the front of the room. My little brother went running down the aisle screaming "I want my daddy!!" Somewhere, there are photos of this, and it gets a laugh every time the story is told.

RebeccaB88 · January 2012

My feelings are, if they can't understand their role and express interest and agreement in doing it, and convey themselves down the aisle without assistance, then they are too young. Sometimes a 7 year old can't do this, and a 3 year old can. Just depends on the kid.

Tami87 · January 2012

Our church actually has a rule that flower girls and ring bearers have to be at least 5. I think 5 is a good age, and my cousin who is 5 will be my flower girl. We are not having a ring bearer.

I agree that I think it's best to have kids who can walk by themselves and understand what it is they are doing. At FI's cousin's wedding he had two really young kids (about 2) who were crying and had to be carried by their parents who were in the wedding party. I get that they wanted their niece and nephew in the wedding, but it seemed kind of silly as they clearly did not want to walk down the aisle and did not know what was going on. I think 4.5 and 7 should work well!

jhaley3077 · January 2012

The FG I was planning on using is 6 or 7 yrs old I think. But our RB is our grandson and is just over a year old and since both of his parents are in the WP he would have been up there with them anyways. As long as the RB gets from the start to the alter without throwing a big fit I will be happy. And even if he does that will be fine too.

mandctaft · January 2012

Our RB will be 4.5 and FG will be 9 at the time of the wedding. At my sister's wedding, the RB was two and didn't cooperate at all. Or my friend's RB was 3.5 and he was fine during rehearsal, but froze when there were all the people there.

How young is too young to be a flower girl/ring bearer?

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