NWR - too many donation requests?!

peanutty2 · April 2011

You ladies are always so helpful I thought I could ask for some advice/commiseration on this

Does anyone else feel like they constantly get bombarded with requests for donations from friends for causes????? How do you handle it??? Do you just ignore them, do you give a little to everyone? Do you outright acknowledge someone and tell them you can't give them a donation or just ignore them and hope they get the point?

That's my question so you can stop there if you want but here's some background if you want to read further...

I feel like lately so many people I know are getting involved in causes and while that's FANTASTIC they are really pushy with asking for donations. I have a couple people who put up posts on fb daily, send out multiple emails, and bring it up in conversations often! They make it into this big competition and take it very personally (i know they are). I've never done this with any causes I've been involved in so I don't really get.

Recently FI donated like 20$ to this girl b/c he took her constant fb posts about a walk she was doing to mean that it was really important to her. Then she tellls us she handed in the $ but didn't do the walk cuz she was embarassed she raised so little. I was mildly insulted! I have another friend now doing a walk for a cause that really means something to her, but we just gave that other chic 20$. but she brings it up almost daily. and now there's a benefit at work for so and so and my coworker asked me what "we" are doing for it.... and then there's more and more and more....

i'm a bit of a "people pleaser" and don't want to offend anyone, but i don't think you should take it personally if someone doesn't give $ to "your" charity. I give tons of money/time/etc to the causes that mean a lot to me already. Part of me says "oh just give a little to each" and the other part says that silly. But do I just ignore these requests? Or come right out and say "sorry I can't give you anything right now I just gave to XXX charity" and let them deal with taking it personally?

baystateapple · April 2011

You need to develop a thicker skin. You can't please everyone. (And I realize that is easier said than done, because I am a people-pleaser by nature) If you simply can't give any more, can't afford it this month, or don't support the cause that your friends are pushing, you say "No, thank you" and leave it at that. People are going to be judgy and give you a hard time about it. You just have to stick to your guns and remember that you are in no way obligated to give if you don't want to or can't.

I have a friend who recently shaved her head for St. Baldrick's (children's cancer research). Her goal was to raise $1000, and she used FB a LOT to encourage people to donate. She ended up raising close to $2,500. I didn't mind it because I knew how passionate she was about it, and that it was important to her. But if I HAD minded it, I could have just click "hide" on her posts on FB. If they are really bothering you, just hit "hide" and be done with it.

jessicabessica · April 2011

I give (usually $25) to close friends who are doing charity walks/runs/rides/etc. I know that the friends I give to are serious about their commitments and won't flake out--I would not be pleased if someone backed out because they were embarassed like your friend did. I would decline to give if I didn't want to support the charity (most likely because the charity didn't use funds efficiently, could be for ideological reasons in some cases). I have gotten email solicitations for donations from people from college that I haven't kept in touch with at all (and wasn't even that friendly with to begin with), and I don't usually give in those cases.

If you are approached about donating and either don't have the money or don't want to give (the person is a flake, you don't like the charity), just wish them the best and say that you've already set up your charitable contributions for the immediate future, and you can't give anything else right now.

RebeccaB88 · April 2011

I've had to institute a blanket policy that I don't donate to friends causes, just because there are too many of them. Family only, and then I reserve the right to refuse based on the cause itself, or my current financial situation. Most people are fine when I tell them which category I fall into, but yeah, some have gotten pushy, and it's definitely affected our relationship.

However, if my friend had flaked on that walk, I'd be asking for my $20 back. I'd have given her the money to actually walk, not flake. She didn't live up to her part of the bargain.

peanutty2 · April 2011

Thanks jessicabessica - that's what i was thinking. i tend to have the answers to my own questions but i get myself all stressed and then when someone else says it, it sounds way better! haha

peanutty2 · April 2011

you know this "blanket policy" some of you have might be a good idea too

jessicabessica · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-many-donation-requests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0fa3e80f-0a3d-43fa-bb91-5099ae953ce9Post:657855a0-f6eb-490a-ace4-579e88a6f626">Re: NWR - too many donation requests?!</a>:
[QUOTE]I've had to institute a blanket policy that I don't donate to friends causes, just because there are too many of them. Family only, and then I reserve the right to refuse based on the cause itself, or my current financial situation. Most people are fine when I tell them which category I fall into, but yeah, some have gotten pushy, and it's definitely affected our relationship. <strong> However, if my friend had flaked on that walk, I'd be asking for my $20 back.</strong> I'd have given her the money to actually walk, not flake. She didn't live up to her part of the bargain.
Posted by RebeccaB88[/QUOTE]

For serious. I would be a little put off if I had to ask for it back (i.e. she didn't offer).

missy68 · April 2011

It depends on my financial situation and if I know there's a personal story behind the request.
For example, I have a friend who does the Team in Training (I think that's what it's called) Triathalon that benefits the Leukemia/Lymphoma foundation. He does it in honor of a child each year. However, he, himself found out several years ago he has leukemia. I would donate to that. Same thing with my aunt. If she did something for breast cancer, I'd donate, since she's a double survivor, as is my grandmother (her MIL).

I donate to my college, and the one I work for.

specialk84 · April 2011

I confess I do lots of charity walks and put information about it on FB. However, I don't pester anyone who doesn't want to donate. Ever. I'm not very good about asking for money.

There are a few causes that I'll support for friends and family if I know it's important to them. The kid next door to my parents has juvenile diabetes, so we do the walk every year. We do the Furry Scurry, since we love animals. I did Team in Training when my dad's best friend was dying of cancer.

For the last year or so, I've been taking ASL classes, and have gotten involved with the Deaf community. They have some great charities for kids, and I'm going to do a walk with them month.

If someone asks me to donate to a cause I'm not interested in, or if I just don't have the money for it, I just tell them it's not in the budget right now. I'm not ashamed of it--I'm a poor college student, so people understand.

achiduck · April 2011

I support my closest friends in whatever walks/runs they're doing, but they do it every year (sometimes multiple times per year) so everyone gets $10 to keep it fair.

Outside of that, for FB friends/co-workers, etc I'll give $10 if I feel the cause is something I would support in my normal day-to-day life.

gutsymama · April 2011

From the other side of the situation:

I'm really involved in Relay for Life, and in the weeks leading up to the event I post to facebook, FI's office message board, and send out multiple email requests to anyone I think might be remotely interested. I try not to make it too obnoxious by always saying in those emails that if anyone is donating elsewhere or unable to donate this year, just let me know and I'll take them off the list - but usually no one asks me to remove them.

I don't *expect* anyone to donate, although I can pretty much count on a donation from my immediate family. It's really nice to get a donation from a friend, but I don't think badly of those who don't donate. I do the posting because it really can be a great fundraising tool - I had several donations from people I haven't spoken to in years (or didn't even know at all in one case) in amounts ranging from $10 to $100. And I truly appreciate $10 donations! So, I don't think you should ever feel like you have to donate, but if it's a cause you'd like to support, you should definitely feel ok about giving a small amount rather than a larger contribution.

Stackeye210 · April 2011

I feel like charity donations are a personal thing and I would never try to make someone donate to a cause they weren't comfortable with. If I'm passionate about a charity that I'm collecting donations for I'll do something like put the flyer in the kitchen at work and let people look at it at their leisure. I would never go office to office or bombard someone's fb with it.

I don't think it's right to make people feel uncomfortable, I suppore the causes I support b/c I have my reasons. They are nobody elses reasons and I most certainly have no problem turning down someone's request for money from a charity I know little about.

NWR - too many donation requests?!

Re: NWR - too many donation requests?!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards