Potential Child Issue

mandi921vh · March 2012

We are not having children at our wedding except for our RB (my nephew) and his half brother. Basically only siblings' children are invited and between FI and I, those two boys are all we have.

My mom believes that my cousin will think that because her child is a baby (15 months) it won't "count" if the child is there. This cousin has not said anything about bringing her baby. Several guests have children, however she is the only one with a baby.

Today she texted my mom saying that "we are coming, trying to get RSVP in the mail" by we I am assuming her and her boyfriend (baby's father), however we don't know if she means this baby too.

If she does send the RSVP for 3 we will have to tell her that her baby is not invited. It's possible she will then say that her baby will not take up a place seating or eat the food, and I will have to further explain that we are not having children at our wedding. I can see her having hurt feelings and taking it personal as in I hate her baby, but she needs to realize her baby is not going to be the exception.

I guess the issue is, she may RSVP for 2, and still bring her baby because she thinks the baby won't "count" as a guest being a baby and all. What happens in that case?

skpurnell · March 2012

I think it's kind of up to you what happens- meaning, how firm you're going to be in the "no kids" rule. We had that too- we only invited our nieces and nephews to the wedding, but no other children. Then my cousin RSVP'd with her 3 year old as her "guest" instead of her significant other- so I was in the same boat as you... do I say no on principle, or just let it go? I ended up just letting it go, it wasn't worth creating a huge family fight over this one child. BUT, I am not too happy to have kids at the ceremony, so I totally understand where you're coming from. Bottom line, I think it's a personal decision that you have to make if you're willing to make an exception or not. I don't think you're in the "wrong" if you tell her no, just make sure to tell her it's nothing personal, but you're not including ANY children.

SunshineShades · March 2012

I think if she brings her baby there isnt really anything you can do about it. If she does I wouldnt worry about it. If other people say something you just say something like "Oh I didnt know the baby was coming". I think people would understand that sometimes people sneak their kids in. FI and I have a fear that his one cousin will bring her 4 year old to spite us. If this happens my plan is to just say to others "He wasnt invited or expected....." and I think they would get it.

We have the rule basically of my FG who is two is the only child over the age of like 7 months. We have a lot of friends with new babies so decided they didnt count. Now my Aunt asked me about my cousin's 16 month old and I told her no she couldnt come. She understood and agreed with me.

PS I would think that if she hasn't said anything yet and RSVPs back 2 she would assume her baby isnt invited. That is how I would look at it in her position

ladychambers83 · March 2012

I actually just dealt with this issue!! A friend of mine and his wife just had a baby about 2 weeks ago. He just RSVP'd for 2. So to clarify I just politely msg'd him "it's so awesome you and M can make it. Is M ok with being away from baby for the whole day? Not too sure if she's breast feeding" He replied " She's going to pump enough for her mom who will be baby sitting" What a relief

Maybe you can refer to them having a special date night out without baby and see her response... GL

draggiefire · March 2012

I agree with the PP. If you get an RSVP back stating '2' get ahold of her and clarify the guest with the assumption of the baby's father. If she RSVPs '3' or states that he wasn't the 'guest'. Gently let her know that the plan was not to have any children tag along with the guests. Stating something like: 'The plan is for non of our guests to bring along their children because we want them to enjoy themselves kid-free for a night. And not have to worry about getting little Johnny home because it's way past his bedtime.' Something of that nature. Best of luck!

AurorasEnvy · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_potential-child-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:9355b7ab-9256-4dff-b4d0-6d42b3e5ba6fPost:052acb32-4a09-413e-8409-8526d75cb783">Re: Potential Child Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]I actually j ust dealt with this issue!! A friend of mine and his wife just had a baby about 2 weeks ago. He just RSVP'd for 2. <strong>So to clarify I just politely msg'd him "it's so awesome you and M can make it. Is M ok with being away from baby for the whole day? Not too sure if she's breast feeding"</strong> He replied " She's going to pump enough for her mom who will be baby sitting" What a relief ;) Maybe you can refer to them having a special date night out without baby and see her response... GL
Posted by ChocolateFlav17[/QUOTE]

<div>I think this is a great idea. Otherwise, if you don't ask and they show up at the wedding with the baby, there's pretty much nothing you can do at that point.</div>

cpm1223 · March 2012

We got a reply back from FI's cousin and her husband that they were both coming.....about a week later the cousin text messages FI to ask if they can bring the baby (6months) since she "doesn't trust anyone with him" UGH!

We have still yet to address this issue, and I'm ignoring it for now until she asks me about it. If all goes well, and my words don't get all jumbled I'm going to tell her that "we weren't able to invite children of cousins to the wedding because we didn't have enough space, even FI's godson wasn't invited! Maybe you could look into having someone babysit at the hotel while you are at the wedding?"

Seriously, she's going to have to trust this child with someone eventually....she even has inlaws who she just "doesn't like" but they are really nice and fully capable of watching a baby for one night!

LOMLBOAT · March 2012

My cousin is super crazy about her kids and she won't let anyone watch them. Luckily she didn't ask to bring both of them, but she booked a hotel room and her, her husband and her mother (my aunt) will all take turns watching the kids at the hotel (about 3 minute walk away). Not ideal, but at least they found a system that they are willing to do.

I would agree with PP that no matter what the respond, I would just follow up with them and bring it up casually about the child not coming/being babysat.

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