House Warming Gifts

bsidebella · June 2010

As of Monday, BF and I put our first down payment on our apartment (and, jsyk, we're no longer moving in with another couple; they flaked) and our official move-in date is August 1st.

We've been fortunate enough to have friends and family members who have been graciously giving us furniture and other household items. Things we're lacking we can certainly afford ourselves. However, BF is fixated on not only having a housewarming party, but registering for housewarming gifts! He keeps asking me to set up a registry! If I were going to (which I'm not), I wouldn't even know what to put on it! We don't need anything that desperately!

We're not married - we're not even engaged - and to me, asking for gifts in this situation (and in this economy) is a terrible breach of etiquette. If we were engaged, or not blessed with generous friends and family, I might see it a little differently. I'm all for having a little get-together, but asking our friends to buy us gifts seems just so tacky!

Any thoughts, or suggestions as to how I can steer BF away from being a gift-grubber?

GreenPepperBurger · June 2010

I agree with you. Just tell your BF he is being rude and tacky.

ETA: Did you know such a thing exists as BIRTHDAY registries? I can't imagine such a thing.

PaigeMcC · June 2010

Did you explain it to him like you explained it to us?

We had a little housewarming when we moved last. We did not expect gifts, we just wanted to show everyone our new flat and have people over for drinks. I'd say let him know you think it's silly and you don't want to do that. If he's insistant then beat him on the nose with a newspaper and video it for us;)

musikbx · June 2010

Distract him with something shiny.

I'm joking of course.

How fixated is he? Was it a one-time conversation, or has he been bringing it up every day for weeks?

I'm also wondering why he wants to register? Is there something in particular that he wants and hopes he would get, or does he just want to get "stuff"?

Narwhal · June 2010

My mom and my sister threw me a party when I moved out after graduation. I don't have a big extended family, but a lot of my moms friends wanted to help out, so they threw me a Trunk Party. I guess it might sound kind of tacky, but people wanted me to register for stuff, so I did. My mom got me a big antique trunk and I fixed it up (I love that thing, it's from like 1860) and people came and brought gifts and we played games and ate and stuff. It was kind of like a shower, I guess. But I was a long time from getting engaged/married.

leia1979 · June 2010

Our housewarming party consisted of people bringing us food (it was a potluck). Other than that, I would never expect more than a plant as a housewarming gift.

Maybe ask him if he's ever gotten gifts for people who are moving into a new apartment? (Assuming, of course, that the answer is no.) I could maybe see bringing someone a gift if it's a house (and even then, no registry), but not when moving into an apartment.

jeanacorina · June 2010

When we finally got our own apartment, a married couple we're good friends with got us a cast-iron skillet. I LOVE THAT THING.

We didn't have a housewarming party, because we weren't moving into a house.

The way I see it, an apartment is no big deal. It's temporary, and you're not engaged yet, so society (to be frank) doesn't place a whole lot of stock in that. Sure, YOU may know you'll be together forever, but we couldn't even sign our lease together unless each of us individually made enough money to afford the apartment. Because we weren't married, and they've had so many "but we're soooo in loooove" couples break up and flake out.

Anyway, I think registering makes way more sense when you BUY A HOUSE because it's much more long-term. You're probably going to be there a while. You know how big your kitchen is, how many bathrooms you have, and so on. With an apartment, you may be there 5 years, or it might only be 6 months. Doesn't make sense to make a big deal of it.

Invite people over for a housewarming party, absolutely. Have a blast! Maybe a couple of friends will get you stuff. Maybe you'll get a cast-iron skillet!!! But don't register for stuff for a temporary living situation.

bsidebella · June 2010

Whoo. I knew I'd get the best answers here. Hee, I just got back from shopping with my mom and got great responses. Yay!

GreenPepper - YES I have friends who have birthday gift registries. Eeew. An Amazon wish list is one thing, but a registry? Really?

Paige - no, I haven't explained it to him exactly like this. I usually just say "Okay" and ignore it, hoping he'll forget but he keeps bringing it up. And I promised, if a beating takes place, it shall be televised.

musikbox - Too easy. A new PS3 game might do it, though ;-) Umm, as for being fixated, he's been bringing it up every few weeks for the past 6 months. It hasn't been much lately but the last time was a few days ago and it ticked me off a bit. And he wants to register for gifts, I think, for the sake of it. I think he legit expects people to ask us if we're registered anywhere.

Narwhal - I've never heard of a trunk party but that sounds like a lot of fun

leia - I agree with you completely. And a potluck party is exactly what I would like to do. Plus it'll save us from cooking for a week at least!

jeana - Can I hire you in my daily life to just talk sense into the idiots I encounter? You hit the nail on the head. I completely understand that an apartment is no big deal, but BF is suffering from delusions of grandeur. Like I said, I think that he thinks this is the norm. *sigh* Boys. They need more training than puppies.

Thanks all for the advice!

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