Done with this wedding thing

MrandMrsDay · May 2012

I just want to go to the justice of the peace and then leave for my honeymoon right afterwards. This wedding planning has been the most stressful!!!! But anyway how do you go about letting the family know and then getting gifts...is that wrong to say??? lol

mcskatcat · May 2012

If wedding planning is stressing you out this much, you're doing it all wrong. Are you sure that's what you want? Because ever person I've ever known who has said that has later wanted to have a vow renewal or similar party because they regret their decision. I would sleep on it for a week or two.

And if you don't want to host something for people, then you have no right to expect gifts. Some people will do it to wish you well, but you probably won't get a lot of gifts if you don't invite them to the wedding.

MrandMrsDay · May 2012

It has been lots of drama and I'm over it. Not trying to do anything to offend anyone just want to make this an enjoyable moment for me and him.

egm900 · May 2012

I'm assuming you're asking about how to let your family know about an elopement and what to do with gifts, so that's how I'm going to answer. How you let them know about your elopement is up to you, you can go word of mouth, mass email, send a marriage announcement in the mail, etc., whatever you think would work best for your family. As far as gifts, if you've already received bridal shower/wedding gifts, I think it's best if you offer to return them. Chances are the giver will tell you keep it, but at least make the offer. If you haven't received any gifts, don't expect them and if someone offers one be gracious and accept, but don't register.

MrandMrsDay · May 2012

Thanks so much this helped I was just worried about offending people and not doing things the correct way I will just send out an annoucement with pictures that we are getting married and see what happens.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_done-with-this-wedding-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:292934fc-4994-46a9-833e-1d6c6356a92dPost:a6da2bc3-3f7b-491b-8920-7259a41465aa">Re: Done with this wedding thing</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm assuming you're asking about how to let your family know about an elopement and what to do with gifts, so that's how I'm going to answer. How you let them know about your elopement is up to you, you can go word of mouth, mass email, send a marriage announcement in the mail, etc., whatever you think would work best for your family. As far as gifts, if you've already received bridal shower/wedding gifts, I think it's best if you offer to return them. Chances are the giver will tell you keep it, but at least make the offer. If you haven't received any gifts, don't expect them and if someone offers one be gracious and accept, but don't register.
Posted by egm900[/QUOTE]

MrsKathyC · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_done-with-this-wedding-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:292934fc-4994-46a9-833e-1d6c6356a92dPost:7baec572-2f8c-48ff-911a-88249b1f3296">Re: Done with this wedding thing</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks so much this helped I was just worried about offending people and not doing things the correct way I will just send out an annoucement with pictures that we are getting married and see what happens. In Response to Re: Done with this wedding thing :
Posted by MrandMrsDay[/QUOTE]

Wedding announcements go out AFTER you are married.

egm900 · May 2012

Eloping versus wedding isn't really a wrong or right thing, you have to do what's best for you. You don't have to explain yourselves, just stick with eloping was what we thought was best for us. Sometimes when there are family issues, someone else paying for the wedding, etc. an elopement is a better fit for a couple. I would think about it before you do it though, maybe talk to a trusted friend/mentor first. Send the photos/announcement after you've eloped, otherwise it's kind of weird for people, they don't know if they're invited or what.

arrestclementine · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_done-with-this-wedding-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:292934fc-4994-46a9-833e-1d6c6356a92dPost:26f2fcd6-cad2-4074-8705-05cf1fbdc8c6">Re: Done with this wedding thing</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Done with this wedding thing : Wedding announcements go out AFTER you are married.
Posted by MrsKathyC[/QUOTE]

Yes - OP they go out after you are married. Also they should go out the day after or the day of. So in that case it would be hard to have a picture on it.

To be completely honest - it sounds like all you are looking for is gifts. And just to let you know if you elope you probably won't get much for gits. AND you have to decline all showers/pre-wedding parties.

MrandMrsDay · May 2012

Thanks I sure will send them out afterwards.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_done-with-this-wedding-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:292934fc-4994-46a9-833e-1d6c6356a92dPost:428ff843-5360-4afa-af16-95a3c718c1cb">Re: Done with this wedding thing</a>:
[QUOTE]Eloping versus wedding isn't really a wrong or right thing, you have to do what's best for you. You don't have to explain yourselves, just stick with eloping was what we thought was best for us. Sometimes when there are family issues, someone else paying for the wedding, etc. an elopement is a better fit for a couple. I would think about it before you do it though, maybe talk to a trusted friend/mentor first. Send the photos/announcement after you've eloped, otherwise it's kind of weird for people, they don't know if they're invited or what.
Posted by egm900[/QUOTE]

MrsKathyC · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_done-with-this-wedding-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:292934fc-4994-46a9-833e-1d6c6356a92dPost:f90c3fe8-8d30-4f45-bdbb-9978da92e698">Re: Done with this wedding thing</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Done with this wedding thing : Yes - OP they go out after you are married. Also they should go out the day after or the day of. So in that case it would be hard to have a picture on it. To be completely honest - it sounds like all you are looking for is gifts. And just to let you know <strong>if you elope you probably won't get much for gits. AND you have to decline all showers/pre-wedding parties</strong>.
Posted by amber0389[/QUOTE]

If you already have a registry, close it.

MrandMrsDay · May 2012

So nobody is supposed to throw me a shower/party? I am not understanding why and forget the gifts thing now not really worried about it I was just asking. I dont understand why we cant celebrate, is it because I am not having a wedding????

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_done-with-this-wedding-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:292934fc-4994-46a9-833e-1d6c6356a92dPost:f90c3fe8-8d30-4f45-bdbb-9978da92e698">Re: Done with this wedding thing</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Done with this wedding thing : Yes - OP they go out after you are married. Also they should go out the day after or the day of. So in that case it would be hard to have a picture on it. To be completely honest - it sounds like all you are looking for is gifts. And just to let you know if you elope you probably won't get much for gits. AND you have to decline all showers/pre-wedding parties.
Posted by amber0389[/QUOTE]

arrestclementine · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_done-with-this-wedding-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:292934fc-4994-46a9-833e-1d6c6356a92dPost:2a74c857-3960-4d8c-85d5-fd75be3c05c5">Re: Done with this wedding thing</a>:
[QUOTE]So nobody is supposed to throw me a shower/party? I am not understanding why and forget the gifts thing now not really worried about it I was just asking. I dont understand why we cant celebrate, is it because I am not having a wedding???? In Response to Re: Done with this wedding thing :
Posted by MrandMrsDay[/QUOTE]

No, you can't accept any showers/bachelorette parites because these are supposed to be with your wedding guests. When you decide to elope, meaning just you and your FI, you will not have any guests. I never said you aren't having a wedding, JOP or eloping is still a wedding and marriage. You just won't have any guests to celebrate with.

MrandMrsDay · May 2012

You guys are making it sound really horrible to go to the Justice of the Peace it seems like I cant celebrate my union with my friends and close fam. I just didn't want the wedding thing and now I am even more confused because it seems like any celebration that I am given is inapproriate.

Avion22 · May 2012

It's rude to invite guests to a shower who aren't invited to the wedding. No wedding guests = no shower guests = a really boring shower with just you and your fiance.

I've had two weddings (my first husband passed away). The first one was a VERY small private ceremony with parents, grandparents, and siblings. We sent out announcements after. We received a few small gifts from family who attended the wedding, but none from anybody else. The second was a big wedding with about 80 guests. We received a lot of gifts from people who attended and from some who couldn't make it. I didn't have a shower or bachelorette party for either.

Avion22 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_done-with-this-wedding-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:292934fc-4994-46a9-833e-1d6c6356a92dPost:d71e4510-a7ed-4fd3-b9fc-141f73893451">Re: Done with this wedding thing</a>:
[QUOTE]You guys are making it sound really horrible to go to the Justice of the Peace it seems like I cant celebrate my union with my friends and close fam. I just didn't want the wedding thing and now I am even more confused because it seems like any celebration that I am given is inapproriate.
Posted by MrandMrsDay[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>It's not horrible to go to the JOP. You can invite whoever you want to invite. Of course you can ask friends and family to join you. However, this isn't an "elopment", it's a small private ceremony. Eloping is when you don't invite ANYONE. </div><div>
</div><div>Edited to add: I just re-read your original post and saw that you didn't actually use the word "elope", though that's something that some of us assumend you meant. Sorry about that.

</div>

arrestclementine · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_done-with-this-wedding-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:292934fc-4994-46a9-833e-1d6c6356a92dPost:d71e4510-a7ed-4fd3-b9fc-141f73893451">Re: Done with this wedding thing</a>:
[QUOTE]You guys are making it sound really horrible to go to the Justice of the Peace it seems like I cant celebrate my union with my friends and close fam. I just didn't want the wedding thing and now I am even more confused because it seems like any celebration that I am given is inapproriate.
Posted by MrandMrsDay[/QUOTE]

I've had friends who did a JOP wedding. They invited some family and celebrated afterwards by having dinner at a nice restaurant. Maybe that sounds like a good option for you. In this case, Yes you could have a bridal shower/bach party but only those that get invited to pre-wedding activities MUST be invited to the wedding.

MrandMrsDay · May 2012

Yes I am not getting eloped I am going to keep my same wedding day in November and instead of having this huge wedding like planned I am just going to the JOP instead. I dont want to have the reception either because two different families two very different backgrounds became too many problems for me to handle. I am just really frustrated and I just want to go on my honeymoon in Montego Bay wit the mister. I didnt know that this meant no celebrations and all of that. I just dont know what to do!!

mcskatcat · May 2012

Traditionally, most people will give you a gift because you included them in your day. That's why we're telling you that most people won't give you gifts. Similarly, etiquette says that you should only invite wedding guests to the shower and/or bach parties, so if you are going to do the JOP route and not invite people, then it would be rude to have a shower.

There is nothing wrong with JOP. You can still have a beautiful day, just you miss out on some of the bells and whistles. No one is trying to be rude or tell you that you can't have your day, we're just letting you know that if you choose to go a certain route you forgo certain parts of a wedding.

arrestclementine · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_done-with-this-wedding-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:292934fc-4994-46a9-833e-1d6c6356a92dPost:10c29637-3a03-4c3f-9ef9-3554dec51a0f">Re: Done with this wedding thing</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes I am not getting eloped I am going to keep my same wedding day in November and instead of having this huge wedding like planned I am just going to the JOP instead. I dont want to have the reception either because two different families two very different backgrounds became too many problems for me to handle. I am just really frustrated and I just want to go on my honeymoon in Montego Bay wit the mister. I didnt know that this meant no celebrations and all of that. I just dont know what to do!!
Posted by MrandMrsDay[/QUOTE]

Elope=No guests. Are you inviting people to your JOP wedding? If so you are not eloping, and thus you MUST have some sort of reception for you guests.

MrandMrsDay · May 2012

I have been going back and forth with thing for a long time and I am alittle uneasy because all the shower and all that stuff has been planned by other people and they have already spent money. I dont want to disappoint people so I dont know

MrsKathyC · May 2012

I think you need to decide what you're doing ASAP so you can let people know. Have invitations already gone out? Deposits made?

MNVegas · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_done-with-this-wedding-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:292934fc-4994-46a9-833e-1d6c6356a92dPost:10c29637-3a03-4c3f-9ef9-3554dec51a0f">Re: Done with this wedding thing</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes I am not getting eloped I am going to keep my same wedding day in November and instead of having this huge wedding like planned I am just going to the JOP instead.<strong> I dont want to have the reception</strong> either because two different families two very different backgrounds became too many problems for me to handle. I am just really frustrated and I just want to go on my honeymoon in Montego Bay wit the mister.<strong> I didnt know that this meant no celebrations and all of tha</strong>t. I just dont know what to do!!
Posted by MrandMrsDay[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I'm confused? You don't want to have a reception to celebrate with your guests but then you are complaining because you will have no celebration if you go to a JOP. </div><div>
</div><div>Sounds like you want the pre-party celebration like a shower with gifts but not the after party stuff. I don't know maybe I am misinterpreting what you are saying.</div><div>
</div><div>DH & I went to Vegas to get married. My sister and her husband came with us. We had a great wedding at a pretty little chapel. We loved our wedding and have NO regrets. We did not have any pre-parties, no shower/B party because those parties are with wedding guests. No guest=no parties.

</div>

MrandMrsDay · May 2012

No deposits and no invitations yet I was going to send them out this weekend if I was going to have it we are supposed to take engagement photos this weekend and get the invitations wit the photos on them but I am so up in the air with this because this has been pure hell. I think I am just gonna stick with the JOP and go away for the honeymoon and just send out announcements afterwards. My girlfriends that are throwing me the bacholorette party I will let them know I just want to be just my girlfriends hanging out and cancel the shower.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_done-with-this-wedding-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:292934fc-4994-46a9-833e-1d6c6356a92dPost:c7941871-0257-4419-97c9-948ed0e01cbb">Re: Done with this wedding thing</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you need to decide what you're doing ASAP so you can let people know. Have invitations already gone out? Deposits made?
Posted by MrsKathyC[/QUOTE]

librababy · May 2012

It sucks you are having such a difficult time planning your wedding and be driven to not having the wedding you wanted is so sad. Just make sure you won't have regrets later on. I know things must be really bad to make you want to cancel the festivies and have a smaller wedding so not sure how you can fix it. But for me, I would try. I just would hate to look back years later and say "what did I do..."

Good luck with your decision.

Also, weddings are supposed to be FUN! Planning is supposed to be FUN! And the benefit of having a wedding day (with a reception) is the perks that come with it: bridal shower, RD, Bachelorette parties... with no celebration, it's kind of weird to have these events. Atcually more than weird.

Done with this wedding thing

Re: Done with this wedding thing

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