Wedding Etiquette Forum

My mom and her cousins!

My mom and I have had the same argument over and over regarding the guest list of my wedding.  She wants to invite her cousins to my wedding, most of whom I've never met or even heard of.  She's the only parent of the wedding who even considered inviting cousins and was crossing off family friends near and dear to my heart off the list so that we'd have room for her cousins.  We are still over on our guest list count and the time to send invites is fast approaching.

To top it off, she received a save the date from one of these cousins in questions who is getting married 2 weeks after me.  It was addressed to her and my father, "& family" was not included.  So if the cousin is not including me in his wedding, why should I come to mine? Not to mention, I've never met him!  Hopefully he won't come since his wedding is in another state, however, there's more cousins!

She's paying for the reception, while my fiance and I are paying for almost everything else.  I've tried stressing to my mom that I want a wedding with my close friends and family but it's getting out of control.  I feel like I've told her every way I can, but she breaks down everytime and I come out feeling like a brat.

Please help me with my mom.  Thanks

Re: My mom and her cousins!

  • If she's paying why do you care?  I don't see the problem here.  It's not like a few people will completely ruin the intimacy of your wedding.  Pick your battles, my friend.
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    My Bio Updated 4/6/10
  • If the OP's mother is taking off OP's friends and closer relatives to invite cousins OP never met, I think she has a say regardless who's paying. If her mom was just adding cousins on top of the friends, there's not really an issue. I would be upset if my mom knocked my good friends off my list to make room for her cousins that I've seen once my entire life.

    I second asking your dad to step in.
    9.17.2010
    planning

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  • There weren't many rules when it came to picking our guest list, but one rule we held firm to was that either I or my FI has to know the person's name and have met them (unless they're a +1). I think it'd be ridiculous to invite them. Maybe you can tell your mom she'll be so busy on that day that she won't have time to spend with them and going to their weddings would give her a much better opportunity to connect with them. Good luck. 
  • I had to reply here because I'm in a similar situation! I come from an enormous southern family, but I do know pretty much all of them. Of my mom's 60 cousins (from one side of her family alone), I'm greatful that she is only asking for 7 of their families to be invited, but that is at least 4 in each family (28). This would apparently repay them for the endless graduation, wedding and baby shower invites she received for their children, that I suppose she was happy to receive. I feel like a bride on parade. My mom's new phrase of the month is 'I'd like to see you invite'. About 125 people on my guest list are family, of which I anticipate about 30 attending. I wanted to invite all my aunts and uncles and first cousins and their children. Luckily my FI's entre family is 15 people!

    Currently we are over capacity by 85 people, not including her cousin's families. My FI and I are paying for our wedding OOP and have a strict budget, so at least my mom was kind enough to pay for what it would take to invite them, and for them to attend, in the shocking instance they attend. However, we are over capacity as is, and are scaling back close friends, for people I rarely see. I've had to say no. That would put us at more than 100 over capacity, and though I can 99% say that about 100 won't attend, much less the other no's we could get, we have to plan as though all invited are attending.

    Since your mom is paying for the reception, technically it's her party and she is allowed to invite who she wants. However, if you are over capacity you are going to have to risk her being upset and just say no. Together as a team with you FI is always better than alone!
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