How do you throw a rehearsal dinner in my case with good etiquette?

Re: How do you throw a rehearsal dinner in my case with good etiquette?

• kwilliams111012

  

  February 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-you-throw-a-rehearsal-dinner-in-my-case-with-good-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a7356727-7cbe-441c-a944-b903029ba566Post:f82b9341-b372-4c4e-a4ec-66610e10c6d6">How do you throw a rehearsal dinner in my case with good etiquette?</a>:
  [QUOTE]My fiance and I have never had our families get together. He has spent a great deal of time with my family and I have spent a great deal of time with his, but we have never had our families get together. Our parents have met each other before a couple of times- years ago and just when one of them was dropping us off or picking us up during a holiday weekend when we were splitting time between the two families. They didn't spend more than 10 minutes together. Our siblings have never met. Our wedding is going to be family only. He is only inviting his immediate family- parents, siblings, step-siblings, dates. I am inviting my extended family- parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, dates. (He is not close with his relatives and I am.) This seems like the best thing to do in our case but I don't want the wedding to be awkward for his family.<strong> Since we don't have a wedding party and we do not need a rehearsal, we don't need a rehearsal dinner.</strong> I was thinking that this might be a nice time to have a smaller get-together and really introduce our parents and families to help everyone feel more relaxed at the wedding. Here are my questions- thanks so much in advance for your honest advice.  We are getting married "out-of-town"- not too far away that guests couldn't just come for the day however we are going to block off rooms in a local hotel and pay for shuttles so that there will be no drinking and driving after our evening winery wedding. The night before the wedding, we wanted to get our parents together for this rehearsal dinner but also his sister and my sister- especially since I am spending the night before the wedding with my sister so of course she's coming with me to dinner. So my question is, to get right to the point: Should we just invite all of our wedding guests to the rehearsal dinner? If we just leave it with parents and siblings, there are a few snags: I have a brother and his wife who if not invited will be the only ones in my family not invited. I have two grandmothers who I am very close with- one of them lives with my Mom- so I would like them at the rehearsal dinner too they should be a part of it. The other grandmother who does not live with my mom is elderly and lives with my aunt so then I feel I should invite my aunt. But then....feels like it might be poor etiquette to invite one aunt and not invite any aunts or uncles or cousins from the other side? Keeping that in mind, do you guys think I should just invite everyone to the rehearsal dinner who will be in town that night? It seems crazy to invite everyone from the guest list, almost like a second reception and maybe even defeating the purpose- but then maybe that's just good etiquette in my case and I'm sure that a lot of guests will decline because they won't want to book a hotel for two nights for our wedding? Either way, how should we invite our guests to the rehearsal dinner? Via phone? Mention it in the invites? Other? I'm so sorry this is so long! I just wanted to give enough detail to get answers that make sense for our situation! TIA!! I want to have good etiquette, common sense, and consideration.
  Posted by kateguess22[/QUOTE]
  
  I'm confused why you need a rehearsal dinner......

  

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• ginadog member

  

  February 2012

  I don't have a wedding party.
  All my guests are out of town - all of them have to fly or drive 15 hours.
  Our families have never met before.  Ever!
  We are having a welcome dinner (pizza in the park) and all guests are going to be invited.
  We are hosting the welcome dinner.
  The RSVP for that will be on the wedding website.
  
  I think for you, just having a family dinner the night before, is just fine.  If you want to pay for all the guests, go for it, but if you're hoping jsut for families, then leave it at that.

  http://ginadog.weebly.com

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• kateguess22 member

  

  February 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-you-throw-a-rehearsal-dinner-in-my-case-with-good-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a7356727-7cbe-441c-a944-b903029ba566Post:783acc55-474b-4c59-bc71-b0a6c5396c37">Re: How do you throw a rehearsal dinner in my case with good etiquette?</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to How do you throw a rehearsal dinner in my case with good etiquette? : I'm confused why you need a rehearsal dinner......
  Posted by kwilliams111012[/QUOTE]
  
  We don't need one! I probably shouldn't call it that. The night before the wedding, we were thinking it would be a nice way to spend the night by going out for dinner with our parents and sisters to celebrate and give them a chance to get to know each other. To be in a smaller group. Also to thank them for all they are doing for us.
  
  But I'm really unsure as to if we are getting together for dinner the night before if we should be including more people to join us. ie: my brother or extended family.

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• mollyehren

  

  February 2012

  If you don't have a rehersal it is called a pre-nuptial dinner. Since you don't have a bridal party I would limit it to parents, siblings and if you want grandparents. Obviously include signifigant others or spouses of these people as well.

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• MyUserName1 member

  

  February 2012

  I think it's okay to just include your parents, siblings and their SO's.  I wouldn't exclude your brother if you're inviting your sisters.

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• kateguess22 member

  

  February 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-you-throw-a-rehearsal-dinner-in-my-case-with-good-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a7356727-7cbe-441c-a944-b903029ba566Post:193cff2f-d5ae-4333-86ac-210dac09d12f">Re: How do you throw a rehearsal dinner in my case with good etiquette?</a>:
  [QUOTE]I don't have a wedding party. All my guests are out of town - all of them have to fly or drive 15 hours. Our families have never met before.  Ever! We are having a welcome dinner (pizza in the park) and all guests are going to be invited. We are hosting the welcome dinner. The RSVP for that will be on the wedding website. I think for you, just having a family dinner the night before, is just fine.  If you want to pay for all the guests, go for it, but if you're hoping jsut for families, then leave it at that.
  Posted by ginadog[/QUOTE]
  
  I think that I read before that you are having the pizza in the park and inviting all of your guests! I think that is really nice. And to call it a welcome dinner makes a lot of sense. Sounds like a really fun idea.
  
  We are on a budget so it's probably not smart to plan a huge rehearsal/non-rehearsal dinner. At the bare minimum, we are taking his parents and sister out to dinner no matter what that night- my sister will already be with me- so that's what gave us the idea to invite my parents. It snowballed from there. lol.

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• ginadog member

  

  February 2012 edited February 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-you-throw-a-rehearsal-dinner-in-my-case-with-good-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a7356727-7cbe-441c-a944-b903029ba566Post:835a2a9a-6c21-4410-971a-ad23841869fd">Re: How do you throw a rehearsal dinner in my case with good etiquette?</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you throw a rehearsal dinner in my case with good etiquette? : I think that I read before that you are having the pizza in the park and inviting all of your guests! I think that is really nice. And to call it a welcome dinner makes a lot of sense. Sounds like a really fun idea. We are on a budget so it's probably not smart to plan a huge rehearsal/non-rehearsal dinner. At the bare minimum, we are taking his parents and sister out to dinner no matter what that night- my sister will already be with me- so that's what gave us the idea to invite my parents. It snowballed from there. lol.
  Posted by kateguess22[/QUOTE]
  
  It's a really cool park!  It has a world class bouldering wall for all ages, a playground, and a brand new pavilion.  It's at the base of a ski resort.  Within walking distance is an Alpine Slide and miniature golf!  Most people will travel that day, so kids can run crazy in the park.  I think the whole thing will cost under $350 with drinks, pizza, rental and plates.  Alpine Slide, etc will be pay your own way though.
  
  If you want to keep yours to family I do not see anything wrong with that!

  http://ginadog.weebly.com

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• kateguess22 member

  

  February 2012

  Thank you so much everyone! I will definitely invite my brother- I feel bad that I was thinking of not inviting him! (just not very close with him). It would be so hard to invite my Grandma and not my aunt who lives with her. I don't think I can do that. So this needs more thought!

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