Totally terrified

DDivi557 · August 2012

I'm new here, so sorry if I looked over someone else's post about the same issue.
However, I am TERRIFIED about even looking for a dress. I'm a short fat girl. 5'1" 180+ pounds and VERY uncomfortable with myself, but I want a beautiful dress for what I hope will be the ONE day I'm not so self conscious. My mother and grandmother passed when I was 15, so I will do a majority of the choosing myself...I think. So, I guess my question is... did any of you feel this way pre-dress shopping? Our date is in March, so I probably should get started, but my anxiety over this is stopping my starting. Advice?

Thanks in advance.

pandozas · August 2012

I can totally relate. Have been going through the same thing. I think you should definitely look at the shopping tips. For me, I initially went by myself to Davids Bridal. I suggest you do the same. I think you will be pleasantly surprised. Remember, its about you and your honey and your day. It was not total trauma- although I wasn't happy with the sizes I tried on, I looked pretty and filled out the dresses with curves better than the skinny blonde girl near me! The salesperson was completely useless though. It would have helped if I knew my size better. I also made sure to have on the correct undergarments- a strapless bra and some of my own spanx- which made me less self conscious getting in and out of the dresses in front of her.

I am going back but to another store location with a better selection on Thursday with my best friend. I trust her opinion completely and that was the one thing missing on my first visit- really deciding what looked best on me- from all angles from an objective, kind person!

The best thing you can do is go and face your fear. Make a list first if you need to of all of your fears- generally I find it makes me less anxious, and what we fear always is bigger than the reality.

timsflower81 · August 2012

Good bridal salons are in the business of making you look and feel your best in a dress, it would reflect extremely poorly on their business for you to not look good. Don't settle on one until you feel amazing in one. You will find one - they see lots of people - all sizes... some salons are better than others. I was really nervous about shopping the first time too.... I went through pictures of plus-size brides and saw how beautiful they looked... I had in my mind when I went shopping that I would also find a fantastic dress. Guess what? I DID -and honestly - my wedding day was 32 days ago and I never felt more beautiful in my life. I just got my pro-pics proofs back - they are amazing - my photographer did an incredible job with poses and getting the right angles to make me look my very best. Best of luck to you - I would highly recommend an Alfred Angelo signature as one of places you go.

2013insight · August 2012

First piece of advice, STOP CALLING YOURSELF FAT! You are <u><strong>luscious </strong></u>and it takes a speical kind of man to hand what we have! Second, the first time or two, go alone. Form your own opinon about how you look and what you like. And third you will look great! Wedding dresses are construted to make you lokk your best. HAve fun!

en Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_totally-terrified?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:89bf1dc1-e18e-4dc3-9158-19a1de0f3c93Post:7c4232b3-3ebd-4624-bc7a-47e3583f7189">Totally terrified</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm new here, so sorry if I looked over someone else's post about the same issue. However, I am TERRIFIED about even looking for a dress. I'm a short fat girl. 5'1" 180+ pounds and VERY uncomfortable with myself, but I want a beautiful dress for what I hope will be the ONE day I'm not so self conscious. My mother and grandmother passed when I was 15, so I will do a majority of the choosing myself...I think. So, I guess my question is... did any of you feel this way pre-dress shopping? Our date is in March, so I probably should get started, but my anxiety over this is stopping my starting. Advice? Thanks in advance.
Posted by DDivi557[/QUOTE]

Kimberly0402 · August 2012

Don't stress. I bought my dress a year before my wedding date and it was stressful. The whole idea of "will I fit into a weding dress or just look like the stay-puff marshmallow?" Enjoy the experience. Take a girlfriend, take a sister, take someone who knows the real you if you are uncomfortable going alone. Don't worry about what size your purchase. Worry about you feeling beatiful and what makes you comfortable and what makes you smile and that's all you have to worry about. Good Luck and congrats!!!

JoanE2012 · August 2012

I dreaded wedding dress shopping. David's Bridal, while having a wonderfully large selection of dresses in my size to try on, was awful for me. I truly hated every dress I put on. Not sure if it was the quality or what. I found another independent bridal shop that is fairly large and found they had a decent selection of plus size. I knew I found my dress the moment I put it on. Unlike the others where I barely got on before I was pulling it off in disgust, I actually loved this one. It was incredibly flattering. I found that what I thought would look good (rouching) actually seemed to add more bulk to my figure.

My biggest piece of advice is to keep trying on dresses, don't get down if you hate them all (yours is out there!) and, most importantly, be completely open to trying on all kinds of styles. What you think is horrible on the rack may turn out to be your dream dress!

PS - Don't get bummed by the wedding dress sizing....just go in expecting to be fitting into a dress that is 2 sizes bigger than what you wear everyday.

chlifr · August 2012

I am 5'6" and 315lbs, (size 26/28) so I hear ya. I have general anxiety, as well as PCOS & Thryoid that just makes my emotions crazy. Caffine I found out is a big issue with my anxiety. I find that herbal tea, my favorite is mint, to help calm me down. (I actually had to go on xanax to know what calm felt like first, but now tea helps me get back there.)

Realize that all woman, no matter what size have anxiety about the perfect dress.

It helps to search online for dress inspirations, what do you like about this dress and what you don't like about the dress. Don't think about you getting into the dress, just look at the design. The assistants at the store will have a better understand of what you like and what and can help you pick out a fab dress.

If you find that you are lacking confidence, you can always fake it. I act very confident. I don't even realize my size until I see a mirror, because all I see is boobs when I look down. So I just forget I'm fat or "luscious." Breath, and put on a show for yourself.

I actually love watch "What not to wear", because they always tell you, dress what fits your body, not by size. Clothing sizes are all a lie anyway. Show off what makes you feel good, instead of hiding what doesn't. Find your good parts, maybe soon-to-be could help you find some if you are having trouble. My hunny loves my rear and my legs, but I've always loved my neck and boobs.

Get your girls together, and go to a lot of stores, and try on a lot of dresses but spread it out if that helps you. Try to keep people around who are sensative. My mother is not coming dress shopping with me because she'll only raise my anxiety. My brother probably because he makes me laugh.

Know that perfect dress is in there, and you will look beautiful in it.

cncoombs · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_totally-terrified?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:89bf1dc1-e18e-4dc3-9158-19a1de0f3c93Post:7c4232b3-3ebd-4624-bc7a-47e3583f7189">Totally terrified</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm new here, so sorry if I looked over someone else's post about the same issue. However, I am TERRIFIED about even looking for a dress. I'm a short fat girl. 5'1" 180+ pounds and VERY uncomfortable with myself, but I want a beautiful dress for what I hope will be the ONE day I'm not so self conscious. My mother and grandmother passed when I was 15, so I will do a majority of the choosing myself...I think. So, I guess my question is... did any of you feel this way pre-dress shopping? Our date is in March, so I probably should get started, but my anxiety over this is stopping my starting. Advice? Thanks in advance.
Posted by DDivi557[/QUOTE]

<div>I recommend (not knowing your budget) a Maggie Sotterro dress...she is known for her corsetts and when the consultant put me in it and sinched it...It looked like i was 3 sizes smaller.</div>

AnitaH08 · August 2012

I'm 5'1" as well and weigh about 70 lbs. more than you, so I understand where you're coming from. Best advice I can give is really to echo what PPs have said, starting with don't call yourself fat. (Pot calling the kettle black here.) And it really is about projecting confidence. I've found that if you act like you're confident about yourself and the way you look, eventually you will really start to feel that way.

Someone else mentioned to be open to all different styles, and I would definitely say that's important. Even though my wedding isn't for over a year and a half, I did go dress shopping once. I had this picture in my head of a poofy-skirted princess dress, but the dress that ended up looking the best was a lace mermaid dress with rusching (sp?) in the midsection.

Good luck!

jeffsgirl100612 · September 2012

Whatever you do dont go to Davids Bridal.. its been a nightmare!
But.. you have the right to feel beautiful on your wedding day, call around to bridal shops and ask who has plus size samples so you can go in and try stuff on.. you will know when you have found the dress.. you feel it in your bones!

pandozas · September 2012

I actually had a great experience at Davids Bridal...but not with the help there. I did the research, found my dresses online and then did some hunting around the store as well. The result- found my dress! I love it and fell in love- it is a split front with a corset back and chapel train. Forget about the obnoxious sales people- they are there to sell you thier vision- just hold onto yours and please dont bring anyone because you feel like you have to. I didnt have my mom there-which some might see as wrong but without her it was based on my own opinions and I had to deal with my own inner criticisms, not hers. You will know the dress when you put it on.

DDivi557 · September 2012

I found a few dresses that I LOVE on David's Bridal website. I'm hoping that when I get to the store in October I will put one of them on and fall even more in love. However (this might sound bad), I will be going only with one of the biggest supporters I have, my older cousin. FMIL can deal with it. :] I think some of these wedding experiences are going to make me a stronger person, more able to stand up for myself... at least I hope.

Totally terrified

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