question if you have kids from previous relationship

Re: question if you have kids from previous relationship

• melissamc2 member

  

  May 2010 edited December 2011

  My children are older, but the youngest (9) adopted the term "Papa" a few months ago for my fiance.  At first I hated it because it sounded like a grandfather, and my fiance is nearly a decade younger than me!  Haha.  However, it quickly caught on, my fiance finds it adorably endearing, and the kids feel very comfortable with it. 
  
  My ex has heard it and doesn't seem to mind.  The kids HAVE slipped up and referred to him as "Dad" a few times and when they refer to US, as a couple, it's almost always Mom and Dad so as to not confuse people (although, when my daughter says it, sometimes it still confuses people, as she's 17 and only 12 years older than my fiance!).
  
  Honestly, whatever everyone seems comfortable with is acceptable.  I'm really glad that your children have such a close relationship with your fiance, and he with them.  That's how it SHOULD be.  I don't care for this "step" parent thing, where people just immediately assume they won't view them as a "real parent."  Moms (and Dads) come as a package deal when it comes to marriage.   I love hearing of situations where that works out well!  Congratulations.
  

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• mma3

  

  May 2010 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_question-kids-previous-relationship?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:0fa94a20-77d3-408f-8c0e-4c3bfdd6f0fePost:c842355d-96c5-41ba-9626-8b4d77add0ee">Re: question if you have kids from previous relationship</a>:
  [QUOTE](although, when my daughter says it, sometimes it still confuses people, as she's 17 and only 12 years older than my fiance!). Posted by melissamc2[/QUOTE]
  
  Please tell me that is a typo?????
  
  OP: My daughter's dad is a hit and miss thing.  He does the every other Sat. but isnt really involved to much in her life.  FI is there for everything, but she calls him by his first name.  If she called him Dad neither one of us would have a problem.

  

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• melissamc2 member

  

  May 2010 edited December 2011

  Hahahaha.  Yes, I meant he's only 12 years older than HER, or - she's only 12 years YOUNGER than him!
  
  Good catch.
  
  I'm usually fanatical about proof-reading.  I blame the pain killers today!
  

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• SheDiva4

  

  May 2010 edited December 2011

  Even if your ex wants to blow his lid, your children refer to your FI as "dad" because of how they feel about him and not because they are being coached.  He has shown them what a "dad" is and at best maybe it is a wake-up call to your ex.
  
  My Fi and I have 4 children between us and we want them to refer to us as they feel.   If his children want to call me by my first name fine.  We don't believe in step parents so we will treat them as OUR children. 
  
  My son had called my FI dad a few times and it great, but that's his choice and we are not forcing it.  Children are wonderful amazing people and they know when they are loved. While your parents by blood are who they are, if your children feel that bond and love with your FI then it is a testament to him. If in the process it irks the ex, it all good!
  

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• cwcottage member

  

  May 2010 edited December 2011

  Same kind of situation here but the ex hasn't seen the kids in three YEARS, since we separated and didn't pay child support until 3 months ago. And he is local too. Kids are 26, 17 and 9. He just this past week asked to have visits. I agreed but only my 9 year old daughter is willing to see him. We just got the divorce papers signed recently (he refused to for 2 years). I am conflicted about him seeing my daughter but have agreed to see how it goes. He has a fiance and she has been insane in the past (along with him)  but I have been kissing butt to try to keep things amicable with her. I don't have contact with him. She seems to be okay at this point.
  
  My daughter does call the FI Dad in person and referring to him. Sometimes she calls him by his name also. They are very close. The FI is also very close with my older sons. He is also only 6 years older then my oldest son. No problems at all. I don't know how the ex will react to my daughter referring to the FI as Dad. I'm sure I will hear about it. It's just the way it is and that won't change. He actually wants to adopt her but I don't think the ex will agree to that.
  
  I see so many issues between blended families with the new man and the kids. I just feel extremely lucky that we have all become a family and everyone is getting their needs met.
  
  Good for all of you in the same situation and it there are issues I hope they get better over time. I think sometimes it just takes awhile for acceptance from the kids. Divorce is hard for everyone and it can make the kids feel very insecure.
  

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• 2dBride member

  

  May 2010 edited December 2011

  My kids were older (17 and 19) when NotFroofy came along.  My son is quite definite that NotFroofy is not his stepmother.  His view is that if the kid is already an adult when a parent remarries, the one married to the parent is not a stepmother.
  
  My daughter was referring to NotFroofy as her stepmother long before we were actually married.  Her view is that this is a lot simpler than, "the woman my mother is now married to."  However, she does not address NotFroofy as stepmother, but by her first name.
  
  Both kids love NotFroofy, so we don't worry about the terminology.
  

  
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• NJ Jen member

  

  May 2010 edited December 2011

  Fi's and my ex's are still involved in their lives, so there is no "Dad" and "Mom" for the stepparent.

  
  

  Now, I do call my stepfather "Dad." First, because he is one, second because my father is absent, and third, as others said, it's different when you acquire a stepparent as an adult.

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• Amomtomanyluvs

  

  May 2010 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_question-kids-previous-relationship?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:0fa94a20-77d3-408f-8c0e-4c3bfdd6f0fePost:7fa9c185-62de-41f7-bb66-21ed97f9a182">Re: question if you have kids from previous relationship</a>:
  [QUOTE]My kids were older (17 and 19) when NotFroofy came along.  My son is quite definite that NotFroofy is not his stepmother.  His view is that if the kid is already an adult when a parent remarries, the one married to the parent is not a stepmother. My daughter was referring to NotFroofy as her stepmother long before we were actually married.  Her view is that this is a lot simpler than, "the woman my mother is now married to."  However, she does not addres s NotFroofy as stepmother, but by her first name. Both kids love NotFroofy, so we don't worry about the terminology.
  Posted by 2dBride[/QUOTE]
  i wanted to ask...why do you call your wife notfroofy?? thats actually an incredibly cute term...i just wanted to know where it came from :) if you dont mind me asking of course :)

  

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• ohwhynot member

  

  May 2010 edited December 2011

  My children have close relationships with their Dad and with me; we split custody 50/50.   They call the stepparents by their first names.  They do refer to their stepsister as their "sister," though. 

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• ccallaway03

  

  May 2010 edited December 2011

  I struggled with this when my FI and I started dating.  Even though my ex is a dead beat, I still wanted my kids to know he is their dad, and that NO ONE else could ever take that away.  Well, about 4 months into my FI and I dating, I introduced him to my kids.  Now, over a year later, my youngest(4) calls him dad all the time.  My oldest(6) is still a "daddy's boy", and both my FI and I respect that.  He loves his dad, and no matter my personal opinions, I understand that. My ex kind of seperates himself from my youngest, wheras my FI treats him like his own son.  Now, don't get it confused, both of my boys are treated the same by FI and I. My youngest just seems to need the father figure my FI is to him.  I have learned over time, that they choose who they see in that role.  Just accept it, and love them no matter what their decision.

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• luckyme502 member

  

  May 2010 edited December 2011

  My daughter calls FH by his first name.  Of course, he didn't come into her life until she was 9, so she was a little older.  I don't think she will ever take to calling him dad. 

  

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• arv266

  

  May 2010 edited December 2011

  My kids call my FI by his first name, but they are older (9 and 12) and we also share custody 50/50, so their dad is still very much in their lives.  When they talk about my FI to their friends and family, they call him their stepdad or otherdad.  My opinion is, if it comes naturally from a child, dont question it. Let the kids determine their relationship.

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• AdelphiTN member

  

  May 2010 edited December 2011

  Slightly funny story... so i adopted a new teen - long story. I never pressed him on what to call me, i figure it is what it is. so one day i'm trying to get out the door to go to the store.  I'm getting "mommed" too much from my other boys- you know, "Mom, can you get this?" "Mom wait, when will you be back" "Mom, i need you to sign this form." "Mom get some cereal"
  
  ARG and i hear another "Mom... " and i go...
  
  WHAT?!!!
  
  Then i realize it's the new kid. and it's the first time he called me mom! oops!! i apologized profusely, then cried/laughed as i drove alone to the store.

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• MikesAngie member

  

  May 2010 edited December 2011

  Ahhhh kids... aren't they wonderful? I do not have children of my own but I do have a soon-to-be "step" daughter who is 17, she waffles between calling me by my proper name (Angela), my family name (Angie), the shortened version of my name (Ang) and Mom, I really don't care what she calls me as long as she's respectful.  We have a very close bonded relationship and she cannot wait for her dad and I to be married so it works.
  
  I tell people that I got my Mom when I was 16, that is when she and my Dad got married and they met when I was 14.  My "step" Mom is the only Mom I know.  I know my female birth parent, desparately wanted a relationship with her but that was not returned.

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