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Bachelor Party Woes - Long - XP

meganbouchardmeganbouchard
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in Pre-wedding Parties
Hi ladies!

Need some advice please.

Since we chose the WP (there are 5 on FI's side), the best man been throwing around ideas of a bachelor party in Vegas. I laughed it off - we live in Montreal, so it isn't a short trip, and most of the GM (FI's three brothers) have kids and I didn't think they would be willing to put the time and money into a bachelor party that is so extravagant. The other two members, the best man and the fourth GM are students and don't have a big budget.

The BM called me in October to ask me about Vegas. I told him my hoest opinion - I thought it was silly. FI doesn't like going to clubs, he's never been to a strip club and doesn't have the desire to, and we went to Vegas for my 21st birthday and both of us agreed it was overrated. Also, FI's three brothers offered us our wedding photography as a wedding gift, so I thought it was really unfair of the BM to even suggest Vegas. I was also honest in saying that I have anxiety issues and I get nervous when FI is out with his friends in the city here - mostly because his friends are wild (BM gets out of control when he drinks, and the fourth GM has recently been arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct and has a knack for getting into bar fights). I also get nervous because my anxiety always makes me fear the worst case scenario - I'm working on that.

After the October convo with the BM, FI and I agreed that Vegas was out of the picture for several reasons, a) it's not fair that the GM should shell out that kind of money, b) it restricts the amount of people that can participate in the bachelor patry (friends that aren't GM, etc) and c) I'm honestly not 100% comfortable with the idea. So it's settled, they're not going. Right? Wrong.

BM calls me today and tells me Vegas is back on. He has asked the GM to shell out 1500$ each to go. One of FI's brothers flat out refused, the other two said fine, and the fourth GM said ok too. He wanted my permission, but I said I didn't know what to say. I feel as though it's not my place to give permission, but at the same time I am uncomfortable with the idea. That being said, I really don't want to be the one to take this away from them if they really want to go and forever be resented as the bacheor party pooper.

I would appreciate some advice on what to do here. I have already spoken to FI briefly today, and he told me that he wants to go, but he won't go if he thinks it will upset me. However, I made it clear to him in October that I think it's a bad idea, so I don't know what to do with that. Should I be honest with FI and have him decline the trip to Vegas? Is there any way that I can make the BM come back down to earth and see that 1500$ is a ridiculous amount of money to ask people to spend? Or should I just suck it up, tell them to have fun and deal with my anxiety the weekend they're gone?

CN: The best man brought up the idea of a Vegas bachelor party months ago, FI and I decided it wasn't a good idea and I thought it was settled. However, now the BM has gone ahead with the plans for Vegas that obliges the GM to each shell out 1500$ - one GM refused and the rest are ok with it but I am uncomfortable with the idea and I don't know how to handle the situation.
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Re: Bachelor Party Woes - Long - XP

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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    If your fi is committing to spending $1500 on this trip, he should be discussing it with you. If budget isn't an issue, you should let fi make the call on this. I'll bet that the one gm will not be the only one that can't come up with the money for this trip, so this plan may end up fizzling when it's time for them to come up with airfare.
                       
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    LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
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    So... your FI wants to go, his friends want him to go and they're willing to pay for it... I say suck up your anxiety, maybe make an appointment with a therapist to talk through the anxiety stuff, ask your best friends if you can have a girls weekend with them that weekend and give FI the green light. Trust me, I get the anxiety thing, I have the same problem, but that doesn't give you the right to stifle FI's life or his time with his friends, especially since he's now decided that he wants to go.

    It's also really not your decision to decide what's fair to the GMs... if they're willing to pay then that's THEIR decision. They obviously know they can say no, because one of them has.

    To me, the only basis on which you would have to say no is if this effects your and FI's finances. If not... I think you need to let your FI do what he wants to do... otherwise you might ened up having anxiety over wondering whether he and his friends resent you for nixing their man time together.

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    j_jayej_jaye
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelor-party-woes-long-xp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:4be7d6f3-acee-4d7c-832d-93e3d5004ba9Post:5f8d322a-425a-4169-8072-84d220ff6118">Re: Bachelor Party Woes - Long - XP</a>:
    [QUOTE]If <strong>your fi is committing to spending $1500 on this trip, he should be discussing it with you.</strong> If budget isn't an issue, you should let fi make the call on this. I'll bet that the one gm will not be the only one that can't come up with the money for this trip, so this plan may end up fizzling when it's time for them to come up with airfare.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

    Honestly I think that is up to the individual couple. My H and I keep seperate bank accounts and always will- we split expenses down the middle but whatever we have left is our own personal money. If he wants to blow $1500 of his money on trip who I am to say no? He works hard for his wage as do I! As long as he can meet his committments it shouldn't be a problem. Same as if I want to blow $800 on a pair of shoes!

    As to the OP if he really wants to go and the only reason (while valid to you) is that you will worry about his safety then you need to discuss this with him but also keep in mind that he may not agree. Everyone else is an adult and can make their own financial decisions.
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    LuckyGirl1713LuckyGirl1713
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    I think its kinda crappy that your FI is willing to go on a bachelor party that one of his GM can't go on because of money issues.  I would think your FI would want his entire wedding party to be included.

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    mancini104mancini104 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Let your fiance go have his extravagant bachelor party.  I think if you are cool with it (or at least seem cool with it, I know its hard!) he'll likely be very thankful and love you even more for it.  I let my fiance go on his guy trip to Cancun for a week--with his single friend--and he was so happy that he said he loved me even more and a couple of months later he bought a ring and he proposed.  Just instill some ground rules, like no flirting with girls, strippers, whatever you want, etc.,  Also, it might be a good idea to have your bachelorette party the same time he's going so you're not thinking about what he's doing every second.  You get to have fun too!
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