2 ceremonies - will the first one spoil the second one for us??!!

Re: 2 ceremonies - will the first one spoil the second one for us??!!

• runpipparun member

  

  May 2012

  I think only you can answer that. Will it spoil the day for you? It seems like your in-laws have already spoiled things for you, but good on you for figuring out a new plan.
  
  You will already be married, that's for sure, and you will be living as a married couple for 9 months before you head off to Spain. I would meditate on that before you invest a bunch of money in the vision of crying all the way down the aisle. Maybe there is another way to re-tool this plan so that you get your tear-jerker moment?

  

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• GoodLuckBear14 member

  

  May 2012

  Why do you have to go all the way to Spain to get "married"?  Just have a wedding here and invite only those whom you want to attend.
  
  My friend did this to keep the families from taking over the wedding.  They were legally married 2 weeks before in the US and had their "wedding" in Ireland.  They didn't tell anyone about the Ireland wedding not being legal.  I found out minutes before the ceremony and was pissed beyond belief at the amount of money I'd spent to take part in this.  It really did not feel like a wedding.  It felt like we were all playing dress up in a play.

  Proud to be an old married hag!!

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• runpipparun member

  

  May 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_2-ceremonies-will-the-first-one-spoil-the-second-one-for-us?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:4e8ce4da-f204-44cf-9cbc-326ef1b4ef6aPost:af27dca0-a5ad-4c2d-a208-f0af95360476">Re: 2 ceremonies - will the first one spoil the second one for us??!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]Why do you have to go all the way to Spain to get "married"?  Just have a wedding here and invite only those whom you want to attend. My friend did this to keep the families from taking over the wedding.  They were legally married 2 weeks before in the US and had their "wedding" in Ireland.  They didn't tell anyone about the Ireland wedding not being legal.  I found out minutes before the ceremony and was pissed beyond belief at the amount of money I'd spent to take part in this.  It really did not feel like a wedding.  It felt like we were all playing dress up in a play.
  Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]
  
  Not that I'm down on the legalities of being married abroad, but if you want to be married in Ireland, then why not? However, I'm guessing you have to get a marriage license in the US for this country to recognize it. So I see no issue with what your friend did, unless in getting her marriage license, she had an actual ceremony of sorts, and turned into one of those multi-wedding brides. But otherwise, how else are you supposed to be married abroad? Come back and have a courthouse hootenanny? Enlighten me, because I really don't know. Maybe I'll decide to get married in Cayman...
  
  In this situation, I find it a bit silly to have a small religious ceremony, then go to Spain for a garden ceremony. Multi-weddings, again. It feels a bit like you're hiding your religious ceremony from your in-laws, and then running out of the country so they can't attend your other one.

  

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• GoodLuckBear14 member

  

  May 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_2-ceremonies-will-the-first-one-spoil-the-second-one-for-us?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:4e8ce4da-f204-44cf-9cbc-326ef1b4ef6aPost:5f70c176-d7f0-44dd-bd81-656668cdbe1e">Re: 2 ceremonies - will the first one spoil the second one for us??!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: 2 ceremonies - will the first one spoil the second one for us??!! : Not that I'm down on the legalities of being married abroad, but if you want to be married in Ireland, then why not? However, I'm guessing you have to get a marriage license in the US for this country to recognize it. So I see no issue with what your friend did, unless in getting her marriage license, she had an actual ceremony of sorts, and turned into one of those multi-wedding brides. But otherwise, how else are you supposed to be married abroad? Come back and have a courthouse hootenanny? Enlighten me, because I really don't know. Maybe I'll decide to get married in Cayman... In this situation, I find it a bit silly to have a small religious ceremony, then go to Spain for a garden ceremony. Multi-weddings, again. It feels a bit like you're hiding your religious ceremony from your in-laws, and then running out of the country so they can't attend your other one.
  Posted by runpipparun[/QUOTE]
  
  Now my head hurts.
  
  They were married in the US.  They had a pretend show wedding in Ireland.
  
  To be married abroad, you have to meet the legal requirements to be married in that country.  They didn't.
  
  OP wants to get married here and have a pretend show wedding in Spain.  I'm telling her that this leaves a really bad taste in people's mouths, especially if they don't know it's fake.

  Proud to be an old married hag!!

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• runpipparun member

  

  May 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_2-ceremonies-will-the-first-one-spoil-the-second-one-for-us?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:4e8ce4da-f204-44cf-9cbc-326ef1b4ef6aPost:071156c0-97b0-4ed5-8ae8-81b86d6f782d">Re: 2 ceremonies - will the first one spoil the second one for us??!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: 2 ceremonies - will the first one spoil the second one for us??!! : You DO have to have a ceremony in order to get married here.  You can't just get the paper and sign it.  I think GLB's main complaint was that she had no idea she was spending all of that money to travel abroad for what turned out to be a second ceremony. 
  Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
  
  Then my question becomes: if her friend was to be married abroad, why would she expect the ceremony outside the US to be legally binding in the US, like she complained in the post? Or did she just assume that the legally binding ceremony would take place after? When there is a ceremony abroad, you should realize there's going to be a courthouse ceremony sometime, and I feel like it's usually before. Maybe the couple wanted to make it legal before they left the country, should anything happen abroad, medically or legally or otherwise. I feel like that is a ridiculous thing to be upset about. You spent money on a trip to Ireland, for the love of God. I wish I had a friend who wanted to get married in Ireland.

  

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• GoodLuckBear14 member

  

  May 2012 edited May 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_2-ceremonies-will-the-first-one-spoil-the-second-one-for-us?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:4e8ce4da-f204-44cf-9cbc-326ef1b4ef6aPost:c86c467a-0847-4992-8a29-838b1b8d4038">Re: 2 ceremonies - will the first one spoil the second one for us??!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: 2 ceremonies - will the first one spoil the second one for us??!! : Then my question becomes: if her friend was to be married abroad, why would she expect the ceremony outside the US to be legally binding in the US, like she complained in the post? Or did she just assume that the legally binding ceremony would take place after? When there is a ceremony abroad, you should realize there's going to be a courthouse ceremony sometime, and I feel like it's usually before. Maybe the couple wanted to make it legal before they left the country, should anything happen abroad, medically or legally or otherwise. I feel like that is a ridiculous thing to be upset about. You spent money on a trip to Ireland, for the love of God. I wish I had a friend who wanted to get married in Ireland.
  Posted by runpipparun[/QUOTE]
  
  I didn't know that the Ireland ceremony would not be legal.  US citizens can legally marry in Ireland.  My friends did not meet the requirements. How in hell should I have known that unless they said something????
  
  Apparently you missed this line in my first post:
  <strong>They didn't tell anyone about the Ireland wedding not being legal.  I found out minutes before the ceremony</strong>
  
  And yes I was pissed because I had just graduate law school, was making less in my first job as an attorney than I had as a law clerk and was already robbing Peter to pay Paul with my bills.  I wouldn't have gone if I knew it was staged and not the actual marriage ceremony.  I love Ireland and have been back since but that trip was not enjoyable for me because I couldn't afford it.

  Proud to be an old married hag!!

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• OBX2011 member

  

  May 2012 edited May 2012

  OP:  If that is your first and last name as your screen name, you need to delete this acct asap.  You know, all of the crazies in the world and what not.  Just a heads up.
  

   

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• GoodLuckBear14 member

  

  May 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_2-ceremonies-will-the-first-one-spoil-the-second-one-for-us?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:4e8ce4da-f204-44cf-9cbc-326ef1b4ef6aPost:8fa0e2b7-c245-4af5-aa70-9c67ca9fdf7a">Re:2 ceremonies will the first one spoil the second one for us??!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]Because she could be legally married in Ireland if you meet the requirements. Regardless, it was an example and not worth threadjacking. Her point was that second ceremonies can leave a bad impression on people, especially if they travel abroad for it and most especially if they aren't honest about it.
  Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
  
  Thank you.  I need a drink. 

  Proud to be an old married hag!!

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• runpipparun member

  

  May 2012

  In my opinion, as I said before, this feels like the OP is trying to dodge the in-laws by breaking up her large religious ceremony into two things: a small religious ceremony that the in-laws won't know about and a larger "real" ceremony abroad. While I admire the attempts get married in the same time frame as you'd previously hoped, I don't think this was accomplish what you want it to.
  
  To the others...
  Hey, just asking what the enormous issue was... I think it's a little technical to get SO bent out of shape about the way they did it. Maybe if they deliberately hid it. I dunno. I don't feel the same about that as I do about people who want a total mulligan on their courthouse ceremonies or elopements, or people like my brother, the groom-zilla, who wants a religious ceremony and a Lord of the Rings ceremony.

  

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• GoodLuckBear14 member

  

  May 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_2-ceremonies-will-the-first-one-spoil-the-second-one-for-us?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:4e8ce4da-f204-44cf-9cbc-326ef1b4ef6aPost:27578371-98c1-4f90-acda-5fdf06e2c9f4">Re: 2 ceremonies - will the first one spoil the second one for us??!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]I'm buying.
  Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
  
  Meet you later

  Proud to be an old married hag!!

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• SusanneDiekmann

  

  May 2012

  
  Thanks for all your input:)
  
  I do feel I need to elaborate and clarify a few things:)
  
  First, I live in Denmark, so Spain isn't as far away as it seems (a 3 hour flight of about $120 for a round trip).
  
  Second - as runpipparun says - we ARE running away from my in-laws. Here's why:
  
  My fiancé is born and raised in Denmark, but his parents are Turkish. Even though we have been together for 6 years and have been living together for 5, they have suddenly decided that it's a horrible thing that he wants to marry a (Christian) Dane:O
  
  Luckily, my fiancé has a mind and a will of his own and we love each other like crazy, so we are getting married anyway.
  
  I lost my mother 2 years ago to cancer, and our wedding means a great deal to me, as both I and my father need a celebration in our lives. And him walking me down the aisle suddenly means a lot more to me than it did before.
  
  In Denmark, you only have 2 choices for a legal ceremony; in a church or in a courthouse.
  
  My fiancé has offered to go ahead with the wedding we had originally planned, but as this would probably mean the end of his relationship with his parents (because it's in a church), I can't ask him to do that. No matter how they treat me, they are still his parents.
  
  So I have come up with the compromise of a wedding in Spain a year from now. Hoping that it will be a way of having our dream wedding and hoping that my fiancé's parents will have warmed up to the idea of our marriage - and if they don't, at least they will be far away when we do have our wedding celebration;)
  
  
   

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• JessicaPop member

  

  May 2012

  Why don't you just get married here a week before you have to go to spain? I don't see the rush in getting married in september just to have to wait a year to get married again in June. I would not want to be married a year and then have to get married again. Honestly it would feel weird, think about it, you've already been married a year. I could see doing this if you had a reason to get married in september but there doesn't seem to be a rush, so I would just wait until june. More time for wedding planning fun!

  

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