HELP Groomsmen BAILED....Invitation still??

Missyb581 · May 2012

So LONG LONG story short, one of our groomsmen has a problem with one of our guests (one of 400) and decided to opt out of being in our wedding or attending our wedding.

Should we still send him and his wife an invitation?? is there a Etuiquet rule on this?????????????

HELP

QueerFemme · May 2012

I don't know what the official etiquette rule is.. but, if someone in the bridal party bailed for such a stupid reason, I wouldn't invite them.

AdeleDazeem · May 2012

Etiquette says that yes, you still send an invitation.

He's already stated that he isn't in the wedding and isn't coming. He'll decline.

Of course, your wedding is still three months away. This whole situation could blow over and everyone will be friends again. Don't burn bridges to friendships that still have potential. Give it a few days/a week, calm down, and re-evaluate what happened here.

m tulli · May 2012

I would still send one if you want him there. Like PP said sounds like he'lll decline but that is on him.

Winnertag1 · May 2012

I would wait it out & see if the situation changes. If it comes around to sending invitations & the GM is still being stubborn - although etiquette says he should invite him -I wouldnt. You're GM shouldnt be so stubborn as to avoid you're wedding for ONE guest that is attending, as long as there isnt a REALLY legitimate reason.

aerinpegadrak · May 2012

If you don't send the invitation, you're officially closing the door on ever reconciling. You have to decide if you're okay with that.

GoodLuckBear14 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-groomsmen-bailedinvitation-still?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:36c082bd-4b7a-448d-ba76-5f505f1de983Post:acdf5260-8997-4e0d-8eff-9cc5e86fcb80">Re: HELP Groomsmen BAILED....Invitation still??</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know what the official etiquette rule is.. but, if someone in the bridal party bailed for such a stupid reason, I wouldn't invite them.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

You don't know what the reason is. Even if you wouldn't agree with his reasoning, he has to have some extremely strong feelings about this to drop out of the WP rather than be in the same room with someone.

banana468 · May 2012

I'd still send the invitation.

msuprincess04 · May 2012

I'd still send the invitation. He's still a friend and you still want him there. The invitation may make him change his mind, or at least consider it. If not, well, then you won't be upset if he declines.

bfr65333 · May 2012

Sorry you are dealing with this. I would recommend still sending the invitation. Maybe once he receives it, he will rethink everything and decide to attend the wedding after all. If he decides not to come, at least you can rest assured knowing that you did everything in your power to make him feel included.

QueerFemme · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-groomsmen-bailedinvitation-still?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:36c082bd-4b7a-448d-ba76-5f505f1de983Post:9c499539-c24b-4401-bb0a-7d8a3a0bc80c">Re: HELP Groomsmen BAILED....Invitation still??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP Groomsmen BAILED....Invitation still?? : You don't know what the reason is. Even if you wouldn't agree with his reasoning, he has to have some extremely strong feelings about this to drop out of the WP rather than be in the same room with someone.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I guess you are right. Still, that reason would have to be MAJOR to drop out of a wedding party when the guest list was over 400 people. Seems like there would be plenty of places to avoid ONE person.

JoanE2012 · May 2012

Depends on why he bailed. It has to be a REALLY good reason, because, generally spreaking, I don't understand why 2 people can't set aside their differences and behave like 2 adults for a few hours for one of the most important days of the bride and groom's life.

It's not like they are the only two people in the room and they'd have to hang around each other...there are FOUR HUNDRED other guests.

sbelle85 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-groomsmen-bailedinvitation-still?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:36c082bd-4b7a-448d-ba76-5f505f1de983Post:acdf5260-8997-4e0d-8eff-9cc5e86fcb80">Re: HELP Groomsmen BAILED....Invitation still??</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know what the official etiquette rule is.. but, if someone in the bridal party bailed for such a stupid reason, I wouldn't invite them.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. Not only would I not inve him, but I'd also write him off as a friend.

willywally5 · May 2012

I'd invite him simply because that puts the ball in his court. If he wants to dig his heels in and decline, that is his business.

REALLY wondering what the deal is with this guest GM has decided he can't stand. Unless it's really awful (like this other guest is a habitual violent criminal or something equally hideous), your GM is kind of being a tool. It's pretty easy to avoid ONE person in a room of 40 and it'd be a breeze with 400. (This objectionable guest isn't in the WP, right?)

PJSPJS · May 2012

If the GM is invited, do you think he will cause trouble with that one person at the wedding that he has a problem with (with whom he has a problem

)?

sbelle85 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-groomsmen-bailedinvitation-still?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:36c082bd-4b7a-448d-ba76-5f505f1de983Post:8269873c-92cc-4d20-ad3e-fa3d9a896c3a">Re: HELP Groomsmen BAILED....Invitation still??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP Groomsmen BAILED....Invitation still?? : I get the feeling if he was a groomsman and not a bridesman that this isn't really HER call to make. It's her Fi's friend and unless he's willing to say the relationship is over, they need to invite him. Also, i just have to say that everyone who is so ready to end this friendship because he won't attend over what we are assuming is a 'stupid reason" for not attending is advocating ending a friendship over someone not attending a party . That sounds like a pretty stupid reason to end a friendship to me personally.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>A wedding is a lot more serious than just a "party," and backing out of the commitment of being a groomsman (which, in many churches is viewed as a serious commitment representative of your willingness to stand by the couple now and forever) is not comparable to being a random guest at a party and deciding not to go.</div><div>
</div><div>Maybe it's just because of my personal belief in marriage as a sacrament, but for me, someone backing out of the commitment to stand with us as members of the wedding party because they didn't like someone we had invited would be serious enough to warrant ending that friendship.</div>

sbelle85 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-groomsmen-bailedinvitation-still?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:36c082bd-4b7a-448d-ba76-5f505f1de983Post:06e592ec-ebd6-4dcc-84a3-d3474c39f5b6">Re:HELP Groomsmen BAILED....Invitation still??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:HELP Groomsmen BAILED....Invitation still??: Good luck with your wedding planning. I have a feeling that you have a long, needlessly stressful road ahead of you. For YOU it's a serious sacrament, but I promise no one else involved is likely to give it that weight and gravity because it is YOUR wedding. Still missing the point though. It's one thing to say "that is an offense I would end a friendship over". It's quite another to say "that is an offense I would force my husband to end a friendship over, even against his will."
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div><font face="Arial" size="3" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">What are you talking about?? </span></font><span style="line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span"><font face="Arial" size="3" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">No one said anything about forcing a husband to end a friendship against his will.</span></font></span></div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;"><div><font face="Arial" size="3" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></font></div><div><font face="Arial" size="3" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">It's okay to have friends independently of each other. Just because one spouse chooses to have someone as a friend doesn't mean the other person has to be friends with that individual as well.</span></font></div></div>

Missyb581 · May 2012

Thank you all so much for the advice. After a lot of talk we decided we would send him an invite.

Just so for all the curious folks, it was BEYOND a stupid reason. There was not one reasons either myself or my Groom felt was a justifiable reason.That being said, its not my problem to avoid. We both feel very strongly about him choosing to not attend the ceremony however we are not ending friendships because of it. I, as the bride, wasnt exactly this guys bigget fan to begin with... this just made it better.

The wife... oh the wife of this guy has his nuts in a vice and sadly for him he is saying "she made me do it"

I will say that for both my FI and I this is a big day, we do see it as a commitment and a joining of our lives and choosing our wedding party was a huge choice for us.

aerinpegadrak · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-groomsmen-bailedinvitation-still?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:36c082bd-4b7a-448d-ba76-5f505f1de983Post:10cb92d1-2658-4414-bf80-b9e67b422503">Re: HELP Groomsmen BAILED....Invitation still??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP Groomsmen BAILED....Invitation still?? : <strong>A wedding is a lot more serious than just a "party,"</strong> and backing out of the commitment of being a groomsman (which, in many churches is viewed as a serious commitment representative of your willingness to stand by the couple now and forever) is not comparable to being a random guest at a party and deciding not to go. Maybe it's just because of my personal belief in marriage as a sacrament, but for me, someone backing out of the commitment to stand with us as members of the wedding party because they didn't like someone we had invited would be serious enough to warrant ending that friendship.
Posted by sbelle85[/QUOTE]
It's really, really not, I promise you. The <em>marriage</em> is monumentally serious and important for the two people entering into it. The <em>wedding</em> is a 4-6 hour party to celebrate that monumentally serious and important step. It's a key difference, and the happiest brides who have the most enjoyable weddings are the ones who recognize it and don't place undue significance on the party portion. Anything that doesn't prevent you from getting legally married, including the absence of certain people, doesn't matter in the long run.

sbelle85 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-groomsmen-bailedinvitation-still?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:36c082bd-4b7a-448d-ba76-5f505f1de983Post:bedc1e9f-4fce-4f5f-9859-00bf49807a3e">Re: HELP Groomsmen BAILED....Invitation still??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP Groomsmen BAILED....Invitation still?? : It's really, really not, I promise you. The marriage is monumentally serious and important for the two people entering into it. The wedding is a 4-6 hour party to celebrate that monumentally serious and important step. It's a key difference, and the happiest brides who have the most enjoyable weddings are the ones who recognize it and don't place undue significance on the party portion. Anything that doesn't prevent you from getting legally married, including the absence of certain people, doesn't matter in the long run.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

I think this is an issue of cultural differences, or that maybe you're referring to the reception and not the wedding ceremony. I'm Catholic and in our faith the wedding itself (the ceremony) is monumentally serious. The reception is a party, but the wedding ceremony is absolutely not. Maybe being legally married is the only thing of importance to some people, but to me and many religious brides, the religious aspect and the ceremony are equally if not more important. For a member of my wedding party to disrespect that and refuse to attend because he (or his wife) didn't like someone we invited would be something that would make me feel I didn't really want this person as a friend anymore.

Anyway, OP I am glad you made a choice and I hope everything works out! Our best man also has a wife who has him by the balls.

aerinpegadrak · May 2012

I wasn't aware that Catholic doctrine required a certain number of attendants for you to be married in the eyes of God. They must have changed things since the last time I went to Mass.

Missyb581 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-groomsmen-bailedinvitation-still?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:36c082bd-4b7a-448d-ba76-5f505f1de983Post:6b2bfd32-cfda-4b47-b7c2-ebb1c2c4c8bb">Re: HELP Groomsmen BAILED....Invitation still??</a>:
[QUOTE]If you want to try to be friends after all this is said and done then I would invite him, but it would be a hard thing to do
Posted by snippet17[/QUOTE]

<div>I dont want to be, the way it was addressed was awful and the reason is selfish and shallow, however my FI does... so I respect his choice here!</div>

HELP Groomsmen BAILED....Invitation still??

Re: HELP Groomsmen BAILED....Invitation still??

Choose Another Board

Search Boards