Well it finally happened... ugh VENT

DeClue82 · June 2012

Here I was thinking I was so lucky with awesome guests that realize if their name is the only one on the envelope that they should only reply as one...WRONG!!! In the last 2 days it's happened 2x.

The first is a good friend of ours, who isn't dating anyone, and knows about 40 other guests that will be attending the wedding. He replied as just one... then facebook messaged me the other day asking if he could bring this girl (who yes FI and I know, but not well) bc she wants to come to our wedding (weird?) I said yes, because really I don't mind, she will be fun and party and we can swing it.

The second... this is the one that I KNEW was going to happen and I need to fix... one of my FI's ex coworkers/friend replied as bringing a guest. WE KNOW he will bring his teenage daughter as his guest bc this is what he does for ALL WEDDINGS. Our reception is adult only, so I just sent him a message saying that I'm so glad he can come, and I need the name of his guest. I'm happy to give him one, just not his daughter... so I think I'll nicely let him know that the event is adults only... I hope that isn't rude... but it is what it is... (his daughter annoys the heck out of my fiance whenever she sees him... she's loud and rude and ugh just no...)

i2012do · June 2012

uhhh so sorry this happened
can you swing the guest for the coworker as well
if not, I would just say" unfortunately, we have space and budget limitations and so you were invited solo- we hope this doesn't cause you an issue -but we are unable to accomodate your guest"

if he makes a stink about just repeat yourself and stand your ground

I feel like telling him he has NO guest is better than like singling out his daughter as uninvitied.

mtbentley · June 2012

I agree with pp that telling him you don't have room to accomodate a guest would have been better than telling him he can't bring his daughter specifically. Since you asked him the name of the guest that makes it seem like it is okay for him to bring one, and waiting for the guests name to tell him she can't come will make it look like you are singling out his daughter. Maybe instead of just telling him she can't come, you could point out that you didn't invite anyone else under the age of 18 and she will be the only child there, she probably won't have much fun with no one her age to mingle with. Just be prepared becasue there is a good chance he will make a fuss about it if you tell him he can bring a guest, but not the guest he wants to bring.

lb1212 · June 2012

I think if you're having an adults-only reception, then it is ok to tell him "no" to the daughter. I'd email him asking him the name of his guest first. He might surprise you! If he doesn't, and is planning on bringing the teenager, then let him know that you and FI decided to have your reception adults only. Your personal feelings towards her doesn't change her age!

DeClue82 · June 2012

lb thats exactly the plan... I'm hoping it isn't his daughter... but I'm 99% sure it is.. she is under 18, so I plan to let him know nicely that it's an adult only reception (which was clearly stated on the bottom of the invite as well...)

jezabella · June 2012

Well I am of the personal opinion that you should let everyone bring a guest, regardless. However, for our wedding we are also doing an adults only event and have had to sort of address this issue with family and teenagers. So we verbally are telling people that it's an adult only wedding and reception and that our youngest person coming is 24 or so (there may be a couple who are 17 and 19 but they are pretty mature and we don't count them as kids). I think it's totally fair to ask him the name of his guest (give him the benefit of the doubt) and if it is in fact his daughter, be up front with him and tell him that it is an adults only wedding and that you're tailoring the whole event for an adult crowd. If he's still insistent that he wants to bring her, then you can decide if you want to flat out tell him that she's not welcome as his guest because you want to maintain the adult-only feel (or you can also take the tactic saying that you hadn't originally intended for him to bring a guest so if he was going to even bring one, you would prefer it be someone adult) or decide if you'll just let him. You'll probably be so busy you won't hardly even see the guy/girl anyways so maybe it won't be a big deal.

We had to tell this to my neice and nephew, who are about 12 and 14 and living with a foster family. Due to a series of unfortunate family events, we were originally planning to invite the two kids just as a courtesy to accompany their sister (16). However the 16 year old flew the coop and is no longer welcome, and I had to politely tell the foster mother that we were having an adults only reception but my neice/nephew were still wecome to attend the ceremony. She was pissed I'm sure because I haven't heard from her since, but honestly we are paying for most of the event costs, have spent the last year planning it, and are the guests of honour so if they're upset we don't want kids there, I don't really care.

Good luck, hope you get it sorted easily!

Well it finally happened... ugh VENT

Re: Well it finally happened... ugh VENT

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