Customs and Traditions

Friday wedding

My fiance and I are so excited because we decided on our date at the venue that we love, however it is on a Friday (Jul. 22, 2011). The venue is perfect for us but didn't have any Saturdays open next summer (which is when we are looking to get married). So, we chose a Friday over a Sunday and are happy with this choice. We are also saving almost $700 by choosing a Friday. The only problem is that we are getting flack from his family about having a Friday wedding instead of a Saturday. It is frustrating because his side of the family hasn't offered to contribute anything towards the cost of the wedding, but don't have a problem complaining about things that are inconvenient for them. I understand that a lot of people work Monday through Friday 9-5 pm kind of jobs, however a large number of our guests work Saturdays as well, so it seems that no matter what day we choose, someone would be unhappy.

It it poor etiquette for us to not be worried about what they're saying? We are not trying to be selfish, but realistic with what we can afford and what we want. All of our closest friends have confirmed that they would make whatever arrangements possible to be there for our wedding, so is it too much to expect the same of our family? I know Friday isn't as traditional as Saturday, but not everyone can get married on the same day! Undecided

Also, just a random question that sort of ties into the Friday wedding thing. The rental time is from 10 am - 10 pm (cleanup starts at 10 pm). What is a good time to have the ceremony and still have time for food/dancing and still be considerate of the fact that people work on Fridays in the daytime?

Re: Friday wedding

  • In my frank, honest opinion, for you to end the reception at 10, cocktails need to start at 5, 5:30 at most. So you'd start your ceremony depending on how long it is according to that (so for half hour reception, at 4:30 or 5).

    Have you tried asking if you can stay later?I think it would be tough to do anything but a super short reception in that timeline.I think starting before 6:30 or 7 on a Friday is a little inconsiderate. But you know your guests best, so it's up to you! Are most guests local? if not, it's not as important because they'll have to travel (and miss work) anyway.

    Anyway, if you start at 6:30, and have a half-hour ceremony, then cocktails wouldn't start until 7 (assuming same venue and no delays) and then your dinner would start at 7:30 at the earliest, so the dancing, etc. woudln't be until 8:15 at the earliest, and it would feel very rushed (in my opinion).  I thnk you need 4 hours of solid reception time. (assuming you're wanting the traditional cocktail hour-dinner-dancing format, of course). 
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited August 2010
    Friday night weddings are fine, but the 10 pm cleanup time is going to push the ceremony time up pretty early.

    The only thing I can come with that might work is having the cocktail hour before the ceremony to accommodate the guests that are able to arrive early. You and your bms could have a private cocktail hour, if there is space for it at your venue.
     
    You could have the ceremony at 6, knowing that some guests will either have to leave work early or skip the ceremony. (I am assuming that your ceremony and reception are at the same location.) 

    Dinner at 7pm would probably work for most people. That leaves you about 2 hours for dancing and everything else. It would help a lot if you could add another hour at the end of the evening.
                       
  • I think it's fine to have your wedding on a friday and not be worried about it! Just make sure you give your guests lots of notice with save the dates or something similar. My wedding also happens to be on a friday and all of FI's family is from out of town and will have to travel to get there. At first I was extremely worried about it, but many people (including FI & his family) have assured me that it's ok.

    Just remember that it's your wedding & you have to do what's right for you and your fiance. The people who you really love and care about will be there even if it means taking a day off work because they love & care about you too!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_friday-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:02925ef6-878f-4d91-bd37-4ea3333d659ePost:8d565a68-5a29-425a-aec5-e1bedef59ab1">Re: Friday wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it's fine to have your wedding on a friday and not be worried about it! Just make sure you give your guests lots of notice with save the dates or something similar. My wedding also happens to be on a friday and all of FI's family is from out of town and will have to travel to get there. At first I was extremely worried about it, but many people (including FI & his family) have assured me that it's ok. Just remember that it's your wedding & you have to do what's right for you and your fiance. <strong>The people who you really love and care about will be there even if it means taking a day off work because they love & care about you too!</strong>
    Posted by xjulie2188x[/QUOTE]
    I hate this logic.  So if one of your friends can't take a day off work because that would mean losing her job, she just doesn't love you enough?
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  • We got married on a Friday (because it was more affordable).  You have to plan what is within your means and sometimes just plain ignore others.  Our ceremony was 3:30-4:30 (catholic mass) and our reception/cocktail hour started at 5:00 (it was about 20-25 minutes away...we technically had our space until 11:00 but decided to end around 10:30 judging by the amount of ppl left and how many ppl were still dancing.. It was the right call. Best of Luck!

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  • Please do everything in your power to have the ceremony as late as possible so that your family and friends don't have to take the day off work, or at least can go in for a half day.  I work in broadcasting, taking time off is a huge production because there simply isn't anyone who can cover my daily live show.  So the later your ceremony, the better.

    That said, if FI's family isn't contributing, they can simply get over the fact that you needed to book a Friday wedding.  Yes, Saturday weddings are nice and preferrable, but it's a moot point anyway since there were no available dates.
  • Friday isn't bad at all!  Our venue had similar pricing for Friday evenings as they did to Saturday, so we booked our site for a Thursday afternoon, because it cost us half as much and allowed us to do our reception on the terrace (which they don't allow for evenings). Since we are completely paying for our own wedding (with the exception that my father offered to pay for my dress), that was a pretty big deal.

    I'm hoping to give my family and friends an excuse to take a 4 day weekend, but if they feel they can't take the time off work, I won't hold that against them in any way. :)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_friday-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:02925ef6-878f-4d91-bd37-4ea3333d659ePost:fcda88f9-b8c8-49b2-83d5-e04dc93a8eb7">Re: Friday wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm getting married on a Friday too, and had the same questions. Our feeling is don't worry about, because the people who matter and the people to whom it's important that they be at your wedding will be there; regardless of the day.
    Posted by jennybink[/QUOTE]

    That is a false statement.  I understand that some people feel that way but it's a really, really unfair mentality,  What if someone can't be there?  Can't take the time off work, or has an obligation they can't get out of?  They somehow don't care?  Or it's not a priority to them?
  • It used to be considered bad luck to get married on a Saturday. It wasn't until the last hundred years that weddings were on Saturdays because of evil spirits. If its saving you money and they aren't helping out then they don't have a say. Have your fiance talk to them and if they still don't stop its time to just stand your ground. Dont worry about being selfish or in poor etiquette because its your day not theirs. They can choose to take of work if they really want to be there.
     I'm doing a Friday as well, and I know people are going to have trouble getting there, but look at it this way, its a great way to keep the guest list down if people really don't want to take off work for your wedding- do you really want them there then?
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  • My FBIL and his wife were married on a Friday. I admit, I had to hustle to get there (it was also raining and I was also 7 months pregnant so I had my own issues) but everyone knew what was up way ahead of time so no one really had a problem. I even managed to waddle in on time.
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  • mattycammattycam member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited September 2010
    I am getting married on a Friday as well due to finances. Our venue was able to give us a really good deal. We also plan to send out save the dates before sending our invitations so hopefully this will help people plan accordingly.

    In regards to your venue closing at 10pm, I think it can work if you and your guests are at your reception by 5pm the latest. I went to a wedding in July on a Saturday where everything was finished by 10:30pm but this is because there was no bar or dancing. So it can work! :)

    Happy Planning!
  • I am getting married on a Friday as well. At first I has some hesitations about it, but I'm not worrying anymore. I'm sorry, but if they can't make it, then they can't make it. It's not because they don't love me, it's not because I am not being inconsiderate of them, this is just the day that works for us.

    As you stated, you have guest that wouldn't be able attend on a Saturday either. So you know what, do what works for you and future hubby,

    As for the family that has a bunch to say and are not contributing in anyway... nod your head politely when they complain and do what you want to do. Send your STD's in enough time so they can ask for the day off. Then focus on spending your energy on making this day special for you and hubby.

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  • I am also having a Friday wedding, for the exact same reason you are (my venue was also book for every Sat. in Sept.).

    The people that your wedding is most important to, will make sure they are in attendance. They will call off of work, or take a vacation day to make it happen! If they haven't offered any money, then they really have no say-so in the wedding planning.

    My wedding is going to be 9/16/2011, so I am thinking of starting my ceremony @ 3:00 or 3:30, simply because the sun sets earlier in Sept., then it does in June, and I want enough lighting that my pictures will turn out just fine.
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