MOH

fallingforgrace · November 2011

MOH

WestCoastGirl05 · November 2011

Ok first thing...

Booting a BM or MOH is a friendship ending move... and on these boards it is never advised.

Second thing...

Your MOH is your friend right? How long have you known her? Has her behavior always been this way? I know that as a bride we tend to think that because we are a bride we deserve special treatment because of the hype of the wedding... but truth is... no one is going to see your wedding as important as you are. Even your MOH... people think that BP members (especially the MOH) have some unwritten number of tasks... the only task she really has is to buy a dress and show up clean and sober the day of your wedding. Remember that you asked her to be your MOH becaus she was your friend.. not because you need an indentured servant.. if you need help with something, ask your FI... it's his wedding too.

In terms of her waitng to buy a dress... try to respect that. A lot of girls are really self-conscious about their bodies... and try to be more understanding of that fact because she is after all your friend. On that note... since things seem to be tense with the two of you... drop wedding talk for a while.. try focusing on the friendship a little more.

third thing... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WRITE IN BLACK!! I have 20/20 vision and I had to sit on top of the computer to read this post. I dont know why they give you the option of mulitple colors, but light pink on a background of white is... annoying.. no offense.. someone probably hasnt mentioned it to you yet.

Good Luck...

nlindsay17 · November 2011

I really don't see a reason to boot her out of the wedding. She may just be busy. Just because you ask someone to be your MOH doesn't mean they need to be at your beck and call. Her wanting to lose weight before trying on dresses is understandable and it's actually nice that she wants to look her best for your wedding. I really think you should just relax and do wedding things with your FI. The only thing your MOH needs to do is buy her dress, show up at the wedding, hold your bouquet, and smile for pics.

graysquirrel · November 2011

This doesn't sound like a wedding issue to me. This is a relationship issue. My advice is to talk out your problems with her. Tell her that you have some stuff that you want to talk about and schedule a time when you can talk in person to work your friendship issues out. Unless you go to her one-on-one with your problems, you will just have to swallow behavior that hurts you or it will build and cause more problems down the road that could possibly end your friendship. I just saw this happen to some of my good friends and it would have ended much better if they'd simply have talked things through properly. But don't kick her out-- that will surely end your relationship and on a foul note.

If she badmouths the way you plan your wedding, tell her that you understand her position, but you are happy with the way things are and want to keep planning that way. Reduce the amount you talk with her about your wedding. She doesn't have to know about colors, catering, songs, etc. Keeping her on a need to know basis will reduce stress and comments from her.

CowgirlK39 · November 2011

As everyone here will tell you, you can't kick her out. That's that.

She may just be a super busy person. I would be worried about getting used if she is constantly asking you to do things she easily could, or if she has no excuse why she can't. But thats not the issue here. If she gets around to getting a dress in the time frame neccessary, then all she's gotta do is be there on time for the ceremony. While it would be nice if she was all hopped up for your wedding, she evidently isn't, and thats just how it is.

fallingforgrace · November 2011

I do not ask her to do anything for me wedding wise. the only thing i ever asked was for us to make a date to try on dresses. im not a bridezilla or demanding. my issue is i feel like we are ONLY friends when its convienent for her. (wedding planning aside!) and if this is so, why would i have someone who only wants to hang out with me when she wants something ?

jemmini6 · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_booting-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ac885797-2723-48f5-8251-e9d264d80ff3Post:62d54736-1c59-4686-a80a-a4f083531695">Re: Booting my MOH???</a>:
[QUOTE]I do not ask her to do anything for me wedding wise. the only thing i ever asked was for us to make a date to try on dresses. im not a bridezilla or demanding. my issue is i feel like we are ONLY friends when its convienent for her. (wedding planning aside!) and if this is so, why would i have someone who only wants to hang out with me when she wants something ?
Posted by fallingforgrace[/QUOTE]

Then you need to address your issues as friends, and take your wedding and her being your MOH out of it. Kicking her out of your wedding is a friendship ending move, so if you no longer want to be friends at all, then end the friendship, and she'll be out of the wedding by default.

But when you look at it that way, doesn't it seem a bit ridiculous to end your entire friendship because she wanted to wait to look at dresses?? That's because it is...

MairePoppy · November 2011

There are only 2 good reason to justify booting anyone from your wedding party: 1. She has tried to break up your relationship with your fi by lying about him or trying to seduce him. 2. She has committed a crime against, or is a danger to you or your loved ones, including your pets (yes, someone posted about her MOH abusing her pet).

You BF has probably always been a self-centered flake who doesn't show up on time for anything. But you love her anyway. Try think about her positive traits.

About the dresses. There is no need to order the bm dresses, right now. Your wedding isn't until Sept. 2012 -start looking in March for BM dresses. Set up a time and date for shopping. Whoever can make it, will have a say in the bm dress selection(s). Don't forget to ask each MOH?BM, privately, for their dress buget and shop within the lowest range.

You said she has made insulting remarks about your fi in the past. If she is still acting disrespectful to or about your fi, then it's time to have a talk with her about it.

p.s. thanks for changing your font to black. The pink was hard to read.

zitiqueen · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_booting-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ac885797-2723-48f5-8251-e9d264d80ff3Post:ad42c9c2-1f16-4074-a979-dee5c8570cae">Booting my MOH???</a>:
[QUOTE]So when my Fiance and i got engaged i couldnt wait to tell my BF that she is gonna be my MOH. Lately, the past 2 months or so, she only gets a hold of me when its conviencing her. She will make plans with me for a day and if she decides she has something else to do, she wont call me or follow through. She will call me and ask me to do favors or run errands for her- but when i asked her for a few hours of her time to try on dresses for me, her answer was that she wanted to lose weight and wanted to wait. She called me 3 weeks ago to tell me i was flaking on her and im unreliable since i decided to not go help her out with something she wanted to do. I tried to give her one more chance to prove to myself that she is not using me, and invited her out to dinner and she ended up showing up 45 minutes late. and no txt or call that she was going to be late It just seems that her life is way too busy and im just a friend when she has a free moment and is bored or wants something. I am torn between wanting to boot her out of the wedding and just letting her do her own thing. How do you do this!? Am I just being overly sensitive? Im an adult and i dont want to be used by anyone. your advice is SOOO much appriciated! Also- she has mentioned in the past that she doesnt like my fiance and is mad im giving him a say in the wedding colors and the planning.
Posted by fallingforgrace[/QUOTE]

Why doesn't she like your FI?

fallingforgrace · November 2011

She doesnt like him because she doesnt think he should have a say in his wedding. and he also has a sarcastic sense of humor. In her opinion hes not the one for me and i can do better.

MairePoppy · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_booting-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ac885797-2723-48f5-8251-e9d264d80ff3Post:64d01ed9-d641-42f6-998f-2854546a1cc0">Re: Booting my MOH???</a>:
[QUOTE]She doesnt like him because she doesnt think he should have a say in his wedding. and <strong>he also has a sarcastic sense of humor</strong>. In her opinion hes not the one for me and i can do better.
Posted by fallingforgrace[/QUOTE]

Ziti - Great question!

Sarcasm can be funny when used sparingly. But it sounds like your fi might be coming off as disrespectful. Have you asked him to tone it down?

fallingforgrace · November 2011

He has toned it down, but some people have different sense of humors. so they just dont "click" they are respectful to eachother and thats all i can ask for

fallingforgrace · November 2011

i said "look" not buy. i am just trying to get an idea of what i want not actually force anyone to purchase anything. i havent even picked my colors.yet. its so funny how one question just blew everything out of wack.

shes not my slave and im not making her one either- just saying.

all i asked was if we are not close anymore what do i do? keep her or ask her to step down

em01092 · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_booting-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ac885797-2723-48f5-8251-e9d264d80ff3Post:a2dc79a8-4cdc-4801-8bde-97fd4eb94d4c">Re: Booting my MOH???</a>:
[QUOTE]i said "look" not buy. i am just trying to get an idea of what i want not actually force anyone to purchase anything. i havent even picked my colors.yet. its so funny how one question just blew everything out of wack. shes not my slave and im not making her one either- just saying.<strong> all i asked was if we are not close anymore what do i do? keep her or ask her to step down</strong>
Posted by fallingforgrace[/QUOTE]

<div>If you aren't close, why did you ask her? It doesn't matter now, but lurkers, pay attention.</div><div>
</div><div>If you are cool with ending the friendship and possibly looking like a zilla/beyotch, then sure, kick her out, but that's your call. Do you really not want to be friends with her anymore? It sort of sounds like it, hence why I am confused about why you asked her. </div>

JulieSher · November 2011

I totally understand that sometimes we may have unspoken expectations of what our MOH should do and it can be upsetting if those don't get met but the reality is that they are not obligated to do anything but buy the dress and show up even though it would be nice if they did more. You obviously feel close to her because you asked her to be your MOH. You should try to talk it out calmly, she may not even realize that your feeling are hurt. Don't boot her out unless you are ready to lose her friendship.

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