Is it rude for it to be just us?

Heather.Stanly · December 2009

So I have been engaged since Feb 15th and I am SLOWLY making some of the wedding plans (October 10, 2010, i have a little while) . I am not that great at making decisions. I am not really one of those girls that has been dreaming about her wedding since she was a little girl, i just know that I want it to be a specail day to remember.
My FI has been married before and he would prefer to just go to the court house but he has agreed to have a wedding cause he knows that I want to have a wedding. Well I will be the one making most of the decision and right now I have a decision to make. It's Whether to have BM/MOH stand up with us or it just be me and my fiance.....do u think its weird to just have the bride and groom up there? I haven't ever been to a wedding like that but the more I think about it the more I like the idea.. I am not really the kind of person that tries to do the same thing as everyone else. I like to be different but I want to be different in a "not rude way" I only have 2 close friends that I would want to be in my wedding but I don't want to choose one over the other and I don't want both in my wedding cause I want it to be small and simple, also my FI is wanting to have his sister stand up with him which is fine with me cause they are so close...I know that is probably very different also....
so anyways I guess I just want to make sure that it isn't weird for it to just be the bride and groom....and the other thing is, that my 2 friends have kids that I would want to be in my wedding and I wonder if they would still let them be in my wedding if I didn't have my girlfriends in my wedding?

Sorry this message got a lot longer then I expected! Hopefully it made sense and someone can help me out with some good advice!

~*~Heather~*~

emilyinchile · December 2009

My cousin and his wife didn't have a WP. Plenty of other people don't either. It's not at all weird, it's just your personal choice. I'm kind of confused though as to whether your FI would still have his sister stand up with him and you just wouldn't have BMs or if you're keeping it just the two of you and nobody else.

I don't really understand why your friends wouldn't let their kids be in the wedding just because you don't have BMs. But all you can do is ask, and they'll let you know whether they're comfortable with their kids being in the wedding or not.

You're right that you have a while before having to make decisions - start thinking about asking any WP members or child attendants sometime early next year and you should be good to go.

gottahavashorti · December 2009

It's not weird at all. But if you want your two friends and FI wants his sister to be in the WP, you can also have a 3 person WP plus the kids.

Heather.Stanly · December 2009

Thanks for your response.
I didn't realize making wedding decisions could get so confusing lol....some people make it look so easy!

If I don't have someone stand up with me he won't either. We are all about having the sides even

I am leaning more to it just being me and him!
One of my friends keeps asking who I am going to have stand up with me and I am honest with her and just keep saying that I am not sure, she thinks that I have made a decision but I haven't told her so that I don't hurt her feelings. Girls can be such drama queens sometimes lol I guess its cause they really don't get along so its kinda a battle---which makes the whole wedding even more stressful....
again thanks for your response

blackfire5th · December 2009

Wedding parties aren't about even sides or guest/wedding party ratios. They also aren't about having genders on one side or the other (you mentioned that you are different because your FSIL would stand on your FI's side but this is actually becoming very common).

When you look back at your wedding photos will you be counting heads or will you be looking into each perons face and remembering how much it meant to have them stand up with you? Even if you don't want to have your friends stand with you, you still might want to have FSIL stand up because it would mean a lot to your FI and she could hold your bouquet during the vows/ring exchange.

I haven't heard of many couples with only one honor attendant, so if you do want to be different, I'd just have FSIL stand with you.

Heather.Stanly · December 2009

Thanks for the advice! I am still trying to make a decision but I have a while so I guess I need to not stress about it at the moment! I guess I need to talk to my FI more about all this and see if he even has an opinion on the matter.

mwhitson14 · December 2009

Talking to your FI should've been your first step.

You don't need even sides.

You don't need a WP.

This is really not that hard.

sweetpe75 · December 2009

I agree w/everyone, just the 2 of you is fine, afterall it is Your and Your Fiance's day. It wil definately save you money in many ways.

mrsamyjones · December 2009

the one thing that i didnt understand is that you would want the kids to be involved even if you didnt ask your girlfriends to be in the WP? doesnt that defeat the purpose of being "just you?" Kinda confused on that one.

Holly520 · December 2009

You can do whatever you want, its your wedding. My friend just got married with no wedding party and it was totally amazing.

Heather.Stanly · December 2009

I appreciate the kind words that MOST of you had to say! For some of you....you may need to read what you write before you post it. You are coming over very rude. And as a future bride wanting the biggest day of my life to be the best day of my life I don't really appreciate it. I would rather you just NOT respond. I thought these message boards were for people to get advice and opinions??

Anyways.........We stayed up late talking last night about wedding stuff.(seems to be the way we end most nights) and I beleive that we really have decided it to just be us. I will still probably have a flower girl and a ring bearer but after they do what they are suppose to do they will be sitting down with their parents cause they are all young and antsy!

Thank again for the advice!

amlaplante · December 2009

If you're trying to do something really small I'd say passing on the wedding party would be just fine. Plus it will be less expensive for you two. And if you still want your friends there and to play some sort of role in your wedding they can help elsewhere. I think it's perfectly okay for it to be just you and your groom standing at the alter. And I don't see why they wouldn't wants their kids in it even if they aren't.

aerinpegadrak · December 2009

Someone said something rude? I must have missed that. This board has an excellent moderator, she would have removed any posts that were out of line. Methinks you may be a bit oversensitive.

RaiKai · December 2009

A wedding party is not mandatory. A lot of people (including myself) opt not to have one. It is not weird if there isn't one.

Sides do NOT have to be even. It is not weird if they aren't.

It is not weird to have men standing on the bride's side, or women standing on the groom's side.

And, your FI's opinion matters just as much as yours.

This means if your FI wants his sister to stand up on his side, and that is important to him, you opinion does not trump his just because you are the bride.

Find something that works for both of you. The solution may not be entirely what either of you wants initially, but part of a healthy relationship is being able to create new solutions together to differences in opinion.

Is it rude for it to be just us?

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