Anyone get HIM a ring?

Haylie04 · December 2009

My fiance & I have been engaged for less than a week and we're toying with the idea of getting him an 'engagement' (or man-gagement! :-P) ring too. It's an idea I've come across before (on craftster.org, for anyone who's familiar with it) and wasn't sure how I felt about it at the time. Now that we're actually engaged, I like the idea more - especially since we'll be apart for six months at the very least while we're engaged, since he has army training. (And then possibly deployment.) I think I'd get a ring similar to this or this and get Engaged engraved on it, so it'd be clear it's not a wedding ring.

I think he'd like it/be open to it, but I wanted to know what you ladies thought! Also, just for fun, which do you like of the two I linked?

ETA - **Please see my other posts below, if this post sounds like I'm being insecure and possessive. Thanks!**

danieliza1127 · December 2009

Are you serious?

At first I was open to it, but when you said you would have Engaged engraved on it, that's just over the top to me. It seems really insecure, like you're afraid if he doesn't have Engaged tattooed on his forehead, every girl he passes might hit on him and try to sleep with him. I don't get that mentality at all. A plain engagement ring I guess is fine, but engraved with Engaged? No way. I don't know a single guy that would be okay with that. I'm sure his Army buddies would have a field day with that.

tmwagner · December 2009

No way! Do you feel like you need to brand him or something? I don't like the idea of engagment rings for guys, but this is just too much!

Please don't do it.

BeckyLee18 · December 2009

I think the other pp's made good points, but I also see it as a waste of money - so you get him this ring and he can wear it for the year or so you are engaged and then go buy another ring for the wedding band. Atlease with the engagement ring, the majority of women will wear it with the wedding band. Just something else to think about.

OnlyYours · December 2009

Hi, I just recently got engaged and by tradition the couple BOTh wear engagement rings. He was reluctant at first becuase he had never heard of such a thing. But the closer we got to our engagement party He absolutely LOVED the idea. You dont need to go over the top with the band a simple plain band is fine for him, especially since he will be away for half the year; it gives him something to to look foward to and remind him of you, if at the very least keep you close to him while he is deployed. Afterall the marriage is a union and so is an engagement.

Anon I. Mouse · December 2009

I understand them if he says he wants one - if he hasn't said he does, or said does not want one, and/or you have not proposed to him...then no.

When FI asked if I wanted an e-ring (after we were engaged) he mentioned if I got one, he really would like one too, for example. I would of absolutely been agreeable to that. I did not want to get an e-ring, so we did not end up getting him one either.

In your case, I don't understand the mindset at all that you want one "especially as he is going to be away for six months". So? A ring does not change that, nor does it somehow make him more committed than he is, or act as a branding iron. It sounds insecure and possessive.

I think in any case, having "engaged" engraved on there is silly.

MattsAnnie · December 2009

Id suggest the idea to him, personally my bf doesnt wear jewlery so even when we get married itll be hard to get him to wear a ring. But other guys seem to have no problem with it. I would maybe get the inside engraved with something special to the two of you, not the outside.

PrincssGS · December 2009

I just read this out loud to my FI (who is in the army as well) and all he had to say was "HAAAAA no way!"

If you really want to get him a ring, go for it but I agree that having it engraved with "engaged" is a pretty cheesy idea (and FI says that the guys in the army would make fun of him endlessly and never let him live it down)

PrincssGS · December 2009

oh and I like the first one better, the one from Zales. I think the other one looks cheap (and it is)

Haylie04 · December 2009

Wow. I'm actually pretty shocked by most of these replies. Is theknot really a place where you feel confortable telling complete strangers that they're silly and clearly insecure? Someone please tell me that that's not the message you meant to convey, or me and my wedding will have to get the heck out of here!

I guess I needed to make my initial post a bit clearer: My reasons for getting him a ring have NOTHING to do with me, what I alone want, or feeling insecure about him in any way. If I was worried and thought I needed something to warn off other girls, there's no way we'd be getting married right now. Maybe you missed the part where I said it's an idea "we're" thinking about? I had forgotten about the idea until he brought it up again after proposing. (And since his ex-gf, long ago, got him a ring which he wore on his left hand, I'm fairly certain he'd wear mine!)

As I mentioned, and as one poster mentioned (thanks

), it's not like this is a brand-new, crazy, off-the-wall idea. And even if it were, I thought the idea of an online community like this was to be supportive of one another.

In any case, if you're all willing to please play nice now, do you have any other suggestions of what to have engraved on it?

I appreciate your input, PrincssGS, thanks! I like the Zales one because it's rhodium plated, like mine. But I think the etsy one is more "guy-like"..., especially if I used a block font instead of script. What do you think? I'm not worried about it being cheap - as another poster mentioned, he'll only be wearing it until the wedding, and it's not that it's cheaply-made - it's hand-made!

lilgina64 · December 2009

Rings come off. If you want him to wear a ring to make it clear that he's taken.. then no, no dice. I know grown men who are "happily" married with children who take their rings off when they go out to "spice things up a little bit".... If you don't feel you can trust him, the ring is the least of your worries.

lyndausvi · December 2009

Giving him a ring is fine.. Giving him a ring that is engraved with 'Engaged' is not.

But to answer your question. No I did not.. DH does not wear jewerly and barely wanted a wedding band (which I was fine with). He would NEVER wear a ring engraved "Engaged" his friends would tease him unmercifully

ScissortailFlycatcher · December 2009

Hey Haylie, don't let the replies get you down.

Everyone does give their honest opinions. : )

And to the point, I like the idea of a guys e-ring, without the engraving. It might not be for every guy, but if he likes the idea, which it sounds like he does...go for it!
Maybe if you really into the engraving, you could engrave the inside of the ring, with something that is special to both of you; your initials or something similar.

And I don't think it sounds like your insecure... Every woman that wears a ring to show their unity and bond with another person that says a man shouldn't do the same is kind of feeding into the idea that women have to be "loyal" and men don't. IMO

Congrats on your engagement!

redheadfsu · December 2009

I gave my FI a ring. We got engaged in Ireland, so I bought him one while over there. If he is ok with it then buy one. He doesn't have to wear it on his ring finger on his left hand. He can wear it on any finger he wants and can still think of you. But I would not engrave it on the outside.

smore154 · December 2009

Haylie- I was shocked as well with the messages you received after that post. I think there's a fine line between HONEST and RUDE. I think it's an awesome idea if your FI is open to it- my FI and I also talked about this and he thinks its a really cool idea. I'm not getting him anything fancy because honestly, he'll prolly lose this one LOL and I also didn't want it to look like a wedding band. This is the one we picked out together. If you guys both feel comfortable with this I say it's a GREAT idea- It's not about BRANDING at ALL! Women wear their engagement rings before they get married, so why can't guys if they'd like!!!

http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=10239121

danieliza1127 · December 2009

If you read the posts, most of us were saying the idea of the ring itself is fine, we just don't think you should get it engraved. It doesn't have to be engraved with anything at all, you can just get a nice plain band, something for everyday wear.

As far as the replies you got, the intent of the Knot isn't to support every idea you may have. If you have a bad idea going and you ask for opinions, be prepared for people to tell you it's a bad idea! I would think you would be glad to be told that something is a bad idea instead of everyone just telling you what you want to hear even if they don't mean it.

JordanJamie1221 · December 2009

Oh lord, OP. This is the reason I get so nervous posting on here.:( I don't want to get flamed for asking a simple question or asking an opinion. All people have to say is "no, it's not a good idea." Rather than jump on you for being "insecure, and branding him".

Girl, I think an engagement ring would be great for your FI, if he wants one, of course. My FI got me a promise ring 6 months before he proposed to me, and he wanted one as well, so I got him one. Not as a way to "claim or brand eachother" but to show the love and commitment that we have for eachother with the intent on being engaged and eventually getting married. He was really open to the idea, so I got him a Tungsten ring for his promise ring.

In December 2008 he proposed to me with a beautiful engagement ring, so I moved my promise ring over to my right ring finger and my engagement ring is on my left. He likes his tungsten ring so much that when I asked him if he wanted a new ring for our engagement, he said no

. We have rings picked out for our wedding bands already. His is Tungsten with a few little diamonds implanted in it, and I wanted pink diamond bands. Trust me, if your man does laborous work, then Tungsten or Titanium is the way to go. His tungsten one does not even have one scratch.

So don't let anyone discourage you from the choices that you and your FI decide to make, especially regarding a ring, which is a symbol of eternity (never stops). If you want to engrave on it, engrave on the inside of the band a cute message or the date you get engaged. Such as 12.30.08. I think something on the outside of it would make it look less formal. If you want to engrave it, engrave it girl. It's about you and your FH and what you want, not what knotties want.

Haylie04 · December 2009

Many thanks to some of you fantastic ladies! I come from a message board where there's plenty of disagreement, but no one is ever rude! There are many ways to say something honest, but if the way you're saying it makes someone feel sick to their stomach, you're doing it wrong. Netiquette 101: If you wouldnt say it to her face, don't type it! I've never expected or wanted, on any message board, to just have everyone agree and say I'm awesome. But as someone else said, there's a line between honest and rude!

I was talking with Anthony and I think we'll end up getting him a ring that he'll wear on another finger. There are too many people out there (case in point, right?) that wouldn't understand the man-engagement ring.

Anon I. Mouse · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_anyone-him-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6d0f1451-76af-4905-8c9e-faec43f831c0Post:76308daa-9b0b-48c4-8d94-fa9f3937ae72">Re: Anyone get HIM a ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]Many thanks to some of you fantastic ladies! I come from a message board where there's plenty of disagreement, but no one is ever rude! There are many ways to say something honest, but if the way you're saying it makes someone feel sick to their stomach, you're doing it wrong. Netiquette 101: If you wouldnt say it to her face, don't type it! I've never expected or wanted, on any message board, to just have everyone agree and say I'm awesome. But as someone else said, there's a line between honest and rude! I was talking with Anthony and I think we'll end up getting him a ring that he'll wear on another finger. There are too many people out there (case in point, right?) that wouldn't understand the man-engagement ring.
Posted by Haylie04[/QUOTE]

I would tell you in person that getting it engraved would be silly and I would also tell you in person that based on your comment about thinking it is a good idea "especially as he is going to be away for six months" that it sounded insecure and THAT is probably the comment that came across to some posters (including me) as being about "branding" ;) I am just as honest in real life as I am here, though the compassion does not come off as well here as it does in real life perhaps!

I also agree with others that, however confident he is wearing it, there would be a lot of flack from his army buddies (I am a former military member myself, and my FI took an early retirement from his military career recently)...we both especially agree that having "engaged" engraved visibly would result in a LOT of ribbing. Some may be okay with that, others not.

Again, as I said in my previous post, I see nothing wrong with it if he wants one. My FI would of liked one to wear, if I got an e-ring myself, however I did not, so he didn't either. If I had asked him to marry me, I would of liked to have gotten him a simple ring and would have. It is the whole "engaged" thing and the reasons that YOU initially stated in your OP that had my own comments about you sounding insecure.

lookame3639 · December 2009

My fiance has been wear a promis ring for the past year. He originally had a titanium ring with mother of pearl inlay then I changed it to a titanium ring with black carbon crosshatching inlay. I told him since he already had had 2 promis rings he's not allowed to have a man-gagment ring, plus he would want something way out of my budget. Before you buy a ring for him though because he might not like man-gagment ring or not one that ssays plainly engaged on it. If it were me I'd put somehting different than engaged, but that'd be up to you

lookame3639 · December 2009

http://www.crystalrealm.com/st_main.html?p_catid=16

check out the posey rings on that site. They have reproductions of actual period posey rings(promis rings/wedding bands) They have one's that are in foreign languages that way if an army buddy does see then it's not obvious that it says something mooshy, and they have ones that look very manly.

I also wanted to address your post about everyone's responces. I once posted that I was anctiously awaiting a proposal. Since I already knew my fiance bout a ring(I was with him) I began a little planning, and I included him. He even went as far as to push me to keep planning. I asked a few bridesmaids to be my bridesmaids (I told them the story and my fiance was with me when they were asked) I made a planning bio and when I posted someone said that I was DESPRET FOR A WEDDING! I was very offended since they had no clue the dynamic of my relationship or my past. (been married AND divorced and I have a child so really? saying I'm depret for a wedding? PLEASE!) My fiance told me to tell her off I said I was above her, she couldn't take the time before making her judgments than obviously I'm better than her and she's jaded by the wedding industry and her own fake fantasies of a wedding.

Sometimes you have to take things in stride These women will be supportive one post and not so suportive the next...and sometimes downright offensive. I feel though, they are better than a previous wedding related blogsite I was on...

ccmoh22 · December 2009

I like the idea of the ring but a simple ring with no engravings on it.

My cousin recently go engaged and he didn't want to have to wear a ring, so his soon to be wife bought him a watch instead for the engagement. It was quite nice

Haylie04 · December 2009

The watch is a nice idea, ccmoh22, thanks! Thank you also, lookame3639 for your suggestions and thoughts.

Anon I. Mouse, you misunderstood my initial post. I thought I cleared it up already, but here's another try: I don't want him to wear a ring while he's gone for any reason of my own. Quite the opposite - I know he'd love having something on to remind him of me. I don't know how you felt when you were away for military training, but I know that while Anthony was gone before he cherished anything and everything I sent him to remind him how much I care. As I said before, I am not concerned AT ALL about him and other women. I don't wear my ring as a sign that I belong to a man and no other men should approach me, I wear it as a sign of my love and a choice we have made to spend our lives together. I know (or assume) you and the other ladies mean well, but it doesn't change the fact that on the internet it is much easier to say something that sounds inconsiderate.

PrincssGS · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_anyone-him-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6d0f1451-76af-4905-8c9e-faec43f831c0Post:8df1320b-ae60-4a8c-ab93-9c8bf3d0bd22">Re: Anyone get HIM a ring?</a>:
[QUOTE] I appreciate your input, PrincssGS, thanks! I like the Zales one because it's rhodium plated, like mine. But I think the etsy one is more "guy-like"..., especially if I used a block font instead of script. What do you think? I'm not worried about it being cheap - as another poster mentioned, he'll only be wearing it until the wedding, and it's not that it's cheaply-made - it's hand-made!
Posted by Haylie04[/QUOTE]

Can you get the other one with engraving on the inside? Maybe a short quote from a song, the date you got engaged, or both your and his initials?

Haylie04 · December 2009

It actually IS possible to get that one with engraving on the inside... I'm not sure if she can do numbers though. Otherwise I would go with the date we got engaged.

I can't really do our initials, since his first name is Cullen, but I call him by his middle name Anthony, so I'd want to include middle names... but then it would say "CAT + HMK" and that IS silly!

ETA: As it turns out, TK has an article on engraving rings! (Why didn't I think of that before?) They have some awesome quote ideas on the right, many of which are in another language, like one of you suggested. I really like amor vincit omnia (love conquers all - an appropriate sentiment, I think, when you're seperated ) and amore mio (my love in italian - we call each other "my love" often and we've always talked about going to Italy together, possibly for our honeymoon) I think I'd then get the date we got engaged stamped on the inside.

E(again)TA: The seller on etsy also offers these rings in a wide version. Which do you like better? Original Wide I like the etsy rings... as a crafter myself, I enjoy supporting others art.

ScissortailFlycatcher · December 2009

I like the wide one myself.

PrincssGS · December 2009

yes definitely the wide...seems more appropriate for a guy, you don't want it to look too delicate

crystalmarieryan · December 2009

I got my FI an engagement ring because he wanted one. It wasn't anything expensive, just a ring symbolizing that we were together and engaged. His step-dad wore one when he was engaged to his mom so my FI really liked the idea when we got engaged. I definitely would not have it engraved engaged on it. I agree with them when it seems insecure and quite honestly, a little distasteful.. Get him a nice silver ring, but only if he likes the idea too.

KathrineBarendregt · December 2009

Wow.....this poor girl was just stating what she thought was a good idea and im sure she feels pretty stupid about it now. Which she shouldnt. I got engaged and my fiance was extatic about getting one too........so we did. If any girl were scared that he would go off and cheat and thats the reasoning behind getting him a ring then that type of a girl would be stupid to actually go through with a marriage but I dont feel thats the case here. If a girl has to be called insecure to get her FH a ring then what does that make a man for getting a girl a ring then? Would anyone call him insecure or just plain sweet? I got my fiance a ring because he wanted one and is proud to wear it and tell other people that he is engaged. We are not getting a new ring for the wedding, but simply having it re-plated and will get our date engraved on both of our rings for the wedding day.
I personally feel that if its right for you then do it and if not then dont.
I just dont think that someone should be ridiculed for trying to have a discussion about something they were thinking of doing.
i say go for it Haylie

Haylie04 · December 2009

Thanks Kathrine!

Haylie04 · August 2010

Here's a picture of my fiance's ring with mine. He loves it and has worn it every day since I gave it to him! This is also the cover photo of our guestbook. We couldn't be happier!

[URL=http://img710.imageshack.us/i/engagementpix081.jpg/][IMG]http://img710.imageshack.us/img710/9321/engagementpix081.th.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

Uploaded with [URL=http://imageshack.us]ImageShack.us[/URL]

Anyone get HIM a ring?

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