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Sticky BM question

slice85slice85
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in June 2012 Weddings
One of my BMs sent me this text:

"I think you might hate me...I might not be able to come to the wedding. I got a $330 ticket so I can't afford gas. I'll mail your gifts. I understand if you want a different bridesmaid since I can't make it to anything."

What would you do?  I paid for her dress because she didn't have the money when we ordered and the only wedding event we expect people to attend is the rehearsal/wedding.  I'm not quite sure what to say when I call her.
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Re: Sticky BM question

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    Kfudge0714Kfudge0714 member
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    How far away does she live? can you offer her gas money?


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    daria24daria24 member
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    That sucks, but your only option is to offer her the gas money. Don't replace her with someone else. 
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    slice85slice85
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    edited March 2012
    She lives an hour & a half away.  My first reaction was to offer to pay for gas and see if she has another reason.
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    peachykeen26peachykeen26 member
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    edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_sticky-bm-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:a2b78ea8-d8d9-4f2a-b3fc-05dce412386bPost:59c8ffc2-53bd-4e5b-ba45-5c2f34d3ec66">Re: Sticky BM question</a>:
    [QUOTE]She lives an hour & a half away.  My first reaction was to offer to pay for gas and see if she has another reason.
    Posted by slice85[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Sounds like a plan.</div><div>
    </div><div>ETA:</div><div>You could also say, in lieu of gift, come to wedding?</div>

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    MiksChick23MiksChick23 member
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    edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_sticky-bm-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:a2b78ea8-d8d9-4f2a-b3fc-05dce412386bPost:a7cea452-0716-4797-bd05-b05fa64403db">Re: Sticky BM question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sticky BM question : Sounds like a plan. ETA: You could also say, in lieu of gift, come to wedding?
    Posted by peachykeen26[/QUOTE]

    I like this idea. Purchasing and shipping a gift would probably be just as expensive, if not more, than the gas to drive an hour and a half and back (easily under a tank of gas).

    Edit: I'd be pretty pissed given that you also purchased the dress that will go unworn and is non-returnable. =(
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    Skittles612Skittles612
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    maybe there is someone else coming from that direction that she could ride with??
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    kelsey+brandonkelsey+brandon
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    I like everyone elses suggestions...

    And can I just say that that completely BLOWS!!!! Especially since YOU bought her dress.

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    janeashjaneash
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    Ouch....sticky situation is right!  I agree with your PP.....maybe offer to pay for her gas and see what she has to say about that???  Do you have anyone else you could ask in her place if she really can't make it that could fit into her dress?

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    Elizabeth80Elizabeth80 member
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    If you offer to pay for her gas I would mail her a gas card a few days before the wedding. Not to be rude, I promise, but this would just insure that the money you send is used for its purpose.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_sticky-bm-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:a2b78ea8-d8d9-4f2a-b3fc-05dce412386bPost:7b0fa7f8-74b3-485b-97e8-d97d9935570f">Sticky BM question</a>:
    [QUOTE]One of my BMs sent me this text: "I think you might hate me...I might not be able to come to the wedding. I got a $330 ticket so I can't afford gas. I'll mail your gifts. I understand if you want a different bridesmaid since I can't make it to anything." What would you do?  I paid for her dress because she didn't have the money when we ordered and the only wedding event we expect people to attend is the rehearsal/wedding.  I'm not quite sure what to say when I call her.
    Posted by slice85[/QUOTE]
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    kimiandgarykimiandgary
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    edited March 2012
    Ditto on paying for the gas option. I would much prefer my BM be at the wedding than send a gift so mentioning this would be good too.

    Good luck.

    P.S. Why did she send you a text and not call you?!
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    mbishop7mbishop7
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    That is trick, but it kind of sounds like she doesn't.. want to be there? I mean, you have a June wedding. I know she got a pretty large ticket, but she can't come up with less than a tank of gas to drive to YOUR wedding!? You picked her because she is one of your best friends and thought she would be beneficial to your wedding, and it kind of sounds like shes blowing you off. 

    When is the ticket due? Usually if you get a ticket, it's due before 3 months (when your wedding is). So she has to come up with that money, after she pays that off she can save money for your wedding? 

    Pay for her gas otherwise..
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    slice85slice85
    First Comment
    Thanks for the suggestions!  She got the ticket in February, so I'm not quite sure what the deal is with that.  I'm going to call her tomorrow and see if I can find out what's really going on.  I just don't want to find out the morning of the wedding that she's not going to be there!
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    NindakayNindakay
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    Agree with PPs - buy her a gas card.  I hope it all works out!!
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    michelletobinmichelletobin
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     This is a difficult situation, I too wonder why the text and not a call. I wonder if there is some underlying issue. Obviously you chose her for a reason, so it may be important to find out if there is something more going on. I would also offer to pay for gas, the gas card idea is a good one.

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    precamiesprecamies
    First Comment
    I hate situations like this. because it makes me doubt the person... it sure sounds strange, the whole deal. but there really is no way of knowing whether she's in a really bad spot (could be not just small money issues but credit card debt piling up or whatever), or just looking for you paying for everything (the dress, the gas..) for no particular reason. I think first and foremost you need to call her with an open mind, force yourself if you need to. If she knows you're not upset and just want to know what is going on, chances are she will open up and tell you whatever it is.
    I hope everything works out!
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