Reception Only Invites Help!

Bejohnson5 · January 2012

We're having the ceremony and reception at the same venue (same room). I hate the idea of people sitting at reception tables during the ceremony so we're going to have chairs set up on the dance floor in rows for the ceremony. Problem is there is a max of 150 chairs they can set up and I'm anticipating between 175-200 people to be coming to the wedding.

My mom suggested that I send out reception-only invites to some people (parents' coworkers, FI's grad school friends, WP's parents that are invited).

Here's my invitation wording for the people invited to both ceremony and reception:

Together with their parents

Bride

and

Groom

would be delighted if you would share

in their joy as they tie the knot

How would you change the last two lines for the reception-only invites?

courtneyclare103 · January 2012

Honestly (and I'm not trying to be snarky), I would rather be invited to both and have to stand for your ceremony than be invited to only the reception. To me, the ceremony is the most important part of the day and as a guest I wouldn't want to attend a reception after I wasn't allowed to go to the ceremony.

When we went to FI's cousin's wedding last year she had her ceremony on a pier/deck overlooking a pond. There wasn't enough space for chairs for everyone, so they set up as many as they could and everyone else stood. It was about a 20 minute ceremony and I stood up the whole time; generally the older crowd and immediate family filled up the chairs. Sure, I would have liked a chair but I can't say that I was offended that I didn't have one. I would have been offended to only be invited to the reception.

midgetthemighty · January 2012

I agree whole heartedly with Clare.

KrisKenny · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_reception-only-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:162a5143-b3b1-4968-8aff-91716d9b1cb7Post:8a00befa-25b5-4a9c-bb6d-31bc37a89d5c">Re: Reception Only Invites Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I agree whole heartedly with Clare.
</strong>Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

Same here!

SheilaDancer43 · January 2012

Totally agree. I would be way less offended to not have a chair at the ceremony, than to not even be invited to the ceremony and only the reception.

Bejohnson5 · January 2012

Ok, thanks ladies.

I guess my thing was that these people who would get the reception-only invites were the people on my "B" list. My mom's coworkers were originally not going to be invited (I've met them a couple times when I've picked up my mom for lunch dates) but my mom had a huge cow about it the other weekend and I voiced my concern about the lack of ceremony seating and she said "oh that's fine, they can just come to the reception." So I lost with that argument and that's where this reception-only invite thing came about.

(Please don't think less of me for the following, I'm just being honest) The thing that would bother me is if i invite these people to the ceremony and they take up seats and the people I care more about being there to witness the ceremony have to stand. Obviously the most important family/friends will have reserved seats but it would just bug me seeing these people I hardly know sitting in the seats while more important friends and family are forced to stand just because they got there a little later. *Ok selfish bitchy moment over*

Megbo2012 · January 2012

I agree with everyone else, and I wouldn't go if I was only invited to one. Completely rude.

Megbo2012 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_reception-only-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:162a5143-b3b1-4968-8aff-91716d9b1cb7Post:eb639e7e-260f-45af-84b9-6925f03ef6be">Re: Reception Only Invites Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, thanks ladies. I guess my thing was that these people who would get the reception-only invites were the people on my "B" list. My mom's coworkers were originally not going to be invited (I've met them a couple times when I've picked up my mom for lunch dates) but my mom had a huge cow about it the other weekend and I voiced my concern about the lack of ceremony seating and she said "oh that's fine, they can just come to the reception." So I lost with that argument and that's where this reception-only invite thing came about. (Please don't think less of me for the following, I'm just being honest)<strong> The thing that would bother me is if i invite these people to the ceremony and they take up seats and the people I care more about being there to witness the ceremony have to stand. Obviously the most important family/friends will have reserved seats but it would just bug me seeing these people I hardly know sitting in the seats while more important friends and family are forced to stand </strong>just because they got there a little later. *Ok selfish bitchy moment over*
Posted by Bejohnson5[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Then why invite them? IDGI

</div>

Bejohnson5 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_reception-only-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:162a5143-b3b1-4968-8aff-91716d9b1cb7Post:2569faa5-c737-4673-9f39-91b3994ee04c">Re: Reception Only Invites Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Reception Only Invites Help! : Then why invite them? IDGI
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]

<div>Because my mom had a cow about it that she wanted her coworkers there. My parents, FI's parents and FI and I are each paying for about a 1/3 of the wedding so I have to take into account everyone's wishes for their guest lists. These people didn't get STD's but now my mom says she wants them there. </div>

Kfudge0714 · January 2012

While I agree with the other ladies...I also understand that you really don't have a choice in inviting these people. Correct me if I'm wrong but if your reception tables will already be set up... I would put those people semi-close so they can see the ceremony and ask Mom to kindly ask them if they would just sit at their table during the ceremony. Would that be an option?

ETA: and don't worry about people thinking any less of you... you gotta do what you gotta do

Zimsgirl · January 2012

Invite who you can afford and want there. My mom had co-workers on the list I didn't really know and I talked to her and she told me some I could cut. I would revisit your guest list

Carebear62584 · January 2012

I agree in that you can't invite them to the reception only. That's actually what costs the money so if it's fine with your budget then invite them to both.

I would also put reserved signs on the first few rows of seats for immediate family. Or, if you are having ushers, let them know that immediate family and elderly are the only ones for those first few rows. It's like going to a ceremony in a church....everyone knows not to sit in the first 3 or 4 rows as those are reserved for bridal party (in some cases), parents, grandparents, and immediate family.

doeie04 · January 2012

I don't have any advice. Sorry your mom is doing this to you. How many people is she trying to add?

Edit: I forgot to answer your question. I would put something like "invite you to join in the celebration of their marriage." Something like that.

Bejohnson5 · January 2012

<div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;"><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">[QUOTE]I don't have any advice. Sorry your mom is doing this to you. How many people is she trying to add?
Posted by doeie04[/QUOTE]
</div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">
</div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">She's adding 6 women, plus their husbands, so 12 total there. FI and I have gone back and forth about inviting his grad school friends (I swear every other semester someone is on the list and someone is off--it just depends who he currently has a class with). This will be his last semester so he won't be seeing these people hardly ever (if ever again) after he graduates in May so I didn't see the point in inviting them. </div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">
</div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">I guess I'm just surprised by the majority response of "how rude" it's considered. When I was looking online about reception-only invites it didn't seem to be such a faux-pas. Thank you for answering the question! I appreciate it!</div></div>

doeie04 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_reception-only-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:162a5143-b3b1-4968-8aff-91716d9b1cb7Post:311f5da2-c010-495c-b701-eda5b42f377f">Re: Reception Only Invites Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]She's adding 6 women, plus their husbands, so 12 total there. FI and I have gone back and forth about inviting his grad school friends (I swear every other semester someone is on the list and someone is off--it just depends who he currently has a class with). This will be his last semester so he won't be seeing these people hardly ever (if ever again) after he graduates in May so I didn't see the point in inviting them. I guess I'm just surprised by the majority response of "how rude" it's considered. When I was looking online about reception-only invites it didn't seem to be such a faux-pas. Thank you for answering the question! I appreciate it!
Posted by Bejohnson5[/QUOTE]

So you only have seats for 150 but you have up to 200 invited? That is a rough place to be in. I think at this point 12 more isn't going to matter.... You may have to seat people at their tables if you get over 150. Maybe that could be your back-up plan? I would stay away from reception only invites if you can.

sweetcanadian1979 · January 2012

You also said in your op wp family members, b listing is rude no matter how you go about it.

My fiance's cousin got married 2 years ago, was going to be an outside ceremony, it poured so they had to go with a really small rm at the reception venue, they only had about 60 chairs & everyone else stood, it was fine for a civil ceremony.

Have ushers, reserve seating for the important people & have your mom let her co-workers know you do not have enough seats but that they are welcome to stand, trust me it is better than inviting them to only the reception.

I wouldn't give a gift to someone that did not invite me to their ceremony. In fact that is what happened with my fiance's brother. He only wanted 1 sibling at his wedding, he invited everyone to the bbq after but very few people gave them gifts because of the way they went about it.

I know it is not about the gifts, but people still find it rude even though the reception is the part you pay for.

Ash61612 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_reception-only-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:162a5143-b3b1-4968-8aff-91716d9b1cb7Post:8a00befa-25b5-4a9c-bb6d-31bc37a89d5c">Re: Reception Only Invites Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree whole heartedly with Clare.
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]
agree. It's just plain rude to invite people only to the dancing part of the reception. It screams, "Hey, I didn't want you to come to the wedding but your ok enough for the reception" I wouldn't go if I was invitied to a reception only. JMHO

courtneyclare103 · January 2012

Wedding invitations shouldn't have conditions attached to them, like only being able to attend the reception. The thing is, it's like you're punishing some of your guests for something that's completely out of their control. It's not their problem that your venue doesn't have enough room for seats for everyone, it's your/your venue's problem.

I also don't think it's okay for anyone to ask specific guests if they can stand. It's okay to tell your family/close friends to make sure to get there early so that they can get a seat and to reserve some seats for immediate family, but it's not okay to ask certain people to not sit in the seats. If I was in the same situation and one of my good friends didn't get a seat and these other people did, it wouldn't bother me--I'd just think that my close friend should have gotten there earlier so that she could have gotten a seat!

Please try to think of another way to go about this without sending out reception only invites. Think about how you would feel as a guest if while you were at a reception other guests were talking about the ceremony and you didn't know anything about it because you weren't allowed to be there.

MMRoberts11 · January 2012

I also agree with others on just inviting everyone to everything. I also agree with Carebear about having reserved signs (tell though who can sit there), or have ushers to seat family and elders.

midgetthemighty · January 2012

FWIW, we have ceremony seating issues as well. We're taking steps to resolve that which don't involve inviting some people to only the reception.

1. We're taking chairs from the choir loft and making an extra row in front of the first pew on both sides for immediate family and people reading in the ceremony.
2. We're putting folding chairs on the outside edge of every pew on the bottom level.
3. We're putting folding chairs in the balcony where space is available for them.
4. The ushers have been/will be instructed to sit people in the most efficient way possible.
5. The BP will be standing for the duration of the service. Methodist weddings are short.

The reason you found that the wedding industry doesn't have a problem with reception only invitations is that they're trying to get your money. This is true for a lot of things that brides and grooms find out there. Don't feel bad about anything you didn't know. I've learned a lot of things since being on here. There's no shame in that!

Bejohnson5 · January 2012

Ok ladies. I get it. We won't do the reception invites. People will just have to stand. Thanks for the input.

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