Thoughts on renewing vows

j3ss3ca · September 2012

My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years. For our wedding, we went to the courthouse, no dress, no rings, etc. We had a BBQ reception-on the invites we specified no gifts, Just wanted a celebration/announcement, casual, at his parent farm. What are the thoughts on renewing our vows and having a more "wedding " like atmosphere? Also, what are the thoughts on having this vow renewal 2 hours away from our house (possibly Nashville) or would it be cliche to have it at his parents gorgeous farm (same place as reception). Typically are vow renewals held on the anniversay date? We were married in at the end of January, fairly cold out. Thoughts for a different date? Looking to have our renewal around our 5 year anniversary

Peledreamsofrain · September 2012

You might want to post this in the vow renewal forums. Most other forums arnt really fond of vow renewals, especially 'doover' style ones like what you are referring to. And to answer some of your questions: yes its normally on your big anniversaries, like 25 year. Usually its lower key than a wedding.

Julie2013 · September 2012

There isn't a vow renewal forum just yet. Knot Lili says it looks good, but about 3 weeks or so ago, she said they were still waiting on one more vote from some VIP and then to get the tech people in on it.

Peledreamsofrain · September 2012

Oops, I honestly thought it was up already, sorry about that.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · September 2012

I really don't see the point.

[Deleted User] · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thoughts-on-renewing-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:766a0986-8e83-477c-8e1d-8b3ed19810d1Post:407f6028-0aaf-444b-871d-b82535a45512">Thoughts on renewing vows</a>:
[QUOTE]My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years. For our wedding, we went to the courthouse, no dress, no rings, etc. We had a BBQ reception-on the invites we specified no gifts, Just wanted a celebration/announcement, casual, at his parent farm. <strong>What are the thoughts on renewing our vows and having a more "wedding " like atmosphere?</strong> Also, what are the thoughts on having this vow renewal 2 hours away from our house (possibly Nashville) or would it be cliche to have it at his parents gorgeous farm (same place as reception). Typically are vow renewals held on the anniversay date? We were married in at the end of January, fairly cold out. Thoughts for a different date? Looking to have our renewal around our 5 year anniversary
Posted by j3ss3ca[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>It's somewhat confusing that you want a more "wedding-like" atmosphere when it isn't a wedding, and there are certain things you shouldn't do for a do-over type vow renewal anyway (like expect gifts, have a cake cutting, first dance, big dress, wedding party, and shower). So, the point of having a more wedding-like party...doesn't make any sense to me, since you shouldn't do those things at a vow renewal.

</div>

Loopyseven · September 2012

Vow renewals should be much more low key than a wedding. More of a normal dinner party with vows first. It doesn't sound like it jives with what is in your head.

solemnlyswear · September 2012

Personally I think that vow renewals that are so close to the original wedding date are a little AWish. It sounds like you didn't get the wedding you wanted so now you want to try again. Especially since you are saying you want it to be more like a wedding. I would side eye this if I got an invitation.

achiduck · September 2012

Not everyone gets the wedding they want, it's a simple fact of life. I am really not a fan of PPD style VRs. Things like bridesmaids, a big white dress and first dances are just inappropriate in my opinion.

Peavy · September 2012

I hope that there's never going to be a vow renewal forum. Why would TK give validation to such a bad idea?

Vow renewals are generally for milestone anniversaries -- 25th at a minimum, better at 50th. This whole trend of vow renewals so soon after the wedding smacks of entitlement - brides who, for one reason or another, made a decision to get married when they did, didn't have a big wedding, and want one now, dammit, because they deserve it and are entitled to it! No matter that they're already married. Andy they want all their friends and family to play along with their fantasy. Calling the do-over wedding a vow renewal is just a thinly veiled excuse to have that wedding now. I call B.S.

Can you imagine a couple who DID have a big wedding saying that they now regret it? What they really wanted was just a small JOP wedding with immediate family present, so they're going to do a "vow renewal" with just immediate family. You never hear that, because these people know that they only get one wedding, are already married, and there is no reason whatsoever to renew their vows now.

OP if you want to have an anniversary party, great. Go fot it. Sounds like fun. Have all the decor, food, DJ, etc that you want. But please leave out any elements of a wedding, because you're already married, and you only are entitled to one wedding, which you had at the courthouse.

hoffse · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thoughts-on-renewing-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:766a0986-8e83-477c-8e1d-8b3ed19810d1Post:e24581b8-dca7-4ef2-84b7-84566aa5c56a">Re: Thoughts on renewing vows</a>:
[QUOTE]Unless you went through a separation or other very rough period, a vow renewal this early (especially one that is more like a wedding) seems strange to me. I'd consider having an anniversary party instead. If you really want a vow renewal I'd steer clear of the more wedding-like activities as much as you can.
Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]

<div>This. I see VRs for large milestones, like 25 years. If you do it at a random time, I really only think they make sense when you've had a separation/reconciliation or one of you has recovered from an illness/injury or maybe one of you has returned from being deployed, etc. Holding one after 3 years because you want to have something "weddingy" seems disingenuous to me.</div><div>
</div><div>A knottie once described what I thought sounded like a perfect VR. She said that the husband stood up during church and surprised his wife by asking her to renew their vows on the spot as part of a major anniversary. There was no reception, no planning, it was just a really sincere, meaningful thing that was about the VOWS not all the other stuff that goes into a party.</div>

DramaGeek · September 2012

I agree that a VR at 5 years seems a little AWish. I have no problem with vow renewals - my parents did one for their 40th anniversary. It was a medium sized gathering, maybe 50 people. There was a short ceremony to start, "officiated" by our pastor (I put officiated in quotes because it's not like it's legal or anything, but he led the ceremony). There were no attendants, no photographer, no flowers except a corsage for my mom and bout for my dad. Mom wore a navy cocktail dress and dad wore his suit. They walked down the aisle together, had a short ceremony, and then we all had a great time having cocktails and dinner. Definitely more dinner party than wedding.

Being on the cusp of our ten year anniversary, H and I are discussing renewing our vows. Should we choose to do that, it will be done privately, just the two of us. Even at 10 years I think it's too close to our wedding to make sense involving others. If we'd been through something major, I could totally see it, but as it is there's really no reason for it.

LondonLisa · September 2012

I agree with what everyone has said above. I feel like the wedding industry is pushing vow renewals so much now as a chance to get everyone to spend even more money. There is a reason vows say "until death do us part"- they aren't a driver's licence and the needn't be renewed

Your wedding three years ago sounds lovely; I would love an informal barbeque on a beautiful farm! If you would like to throw a party now, it means no big white dress, attendants, first dance, cake cutting, and most importantly no gifts. If one is old enough to get married then they need to realise that a wedding is just the act of getting married, and it doesn't need a meringue dress to be "real"

LondonLisa · September 2012

The only way to have a big wedding with the same person is to get divorced in between.

But maybe Mexico City wants to support this

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/centralamericaandthecaribbean/mexico/8798982/Mexico-City-proposes-temporary-marriage-licences.html

MegenQ · September 2012

I thought of going to the courthouse and getting married, then having a big wedding later, but I realized that I personally would be so mad if I had to pay big bucks to be in a friends wedding only to find out later that they were already married. This idea of doover weddings is horrible, and the wedding word loves it. In he last few weeks I saw an episode of My Fair Wedding where they were already married and a Say Yes to the Dress, where she did not like her first wedding three years ago so she wanted to redo it. I can tell you no one from either families would come and it would trump the puke on the dress story we have told for years.

mrskristinyc · September 2012

I don't see why someone wouldt want to go through the stres of wedding planning if they were already married. You couldn't pay me to do that.

My FI and I have been joking that we're going to try extra hard to make our marriage last, if only for the reason that we never want to have to plan a wedding again. (We're serious about being committed to the marriage, obviosuly, but I suppose there might be a few other reasons besides not having to plan a wedding again...)

Peledreamsofrain · September 2012

In Response to Re:Thoughts on renewing vows:[QUOTE]I don't see why someone wouldt want to go through the stres of wedding planning if they were already married. You couldn't pay me to do that.nbsp;My FI and I have been joking that we're going to try extra hard to make our marriage last, if only for the reason that we never want to have to plan a wedding again. We're serious about being committed to the marriage, obviosuly, but I suppose there might be a few other reasons besides not having to plan a wedding again... Posted by mrskristinyc[/QUOTE]

Haahaa, we're totally making those jokes too!

Drewsgirl31 · October 2012

I don't agree with any of this at all. It is entirely up to her and her husband and those close to her. You do not know this lady or their relationship or past. My husband and I will be having a vow renewal with all the bells and whistles (minus the gifts, parties, wedding party). I learned after posting on a few forums about this and the negativity I received back that I was asking the opinion from the wrong people. I asked our friends and family and the, knowing the struggles and obstacles we have overcome, they couldn't be happier that we are choosing to do this and that they will actually get to be present and witness this time. I will be wearing my original dress, our kids will be in the ceremony, we're having a reception and our first dance, cake cutting, and toss'. Do what you and your husband want to do. Those that are supposed to be there will be. And for all of you saving its tacky or AWish, I'm quite sure there were things at YOUR wedding that were AWish to your quest. Anytime a couple celebrating their life, accomplishments, and surviving however many year together (especially now a days when couples throw in the towel for anything) it should be happy and supported. It's not like she's asking for anything from her guest other than to be there and support them. Her wearing a dress should have no effect on that. Best of luck to you dear! I wish you many years of happiness and a beautiful, perfect day!

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