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FSIL problems

rmwood21rmwood21 member
10 Comments
in Wedding Woes
So my FSIL, who I have tried to do things with and include in things. I've even asked her to be a bridesmaid because I wanted her to be a part of the wedding since I asked the youngest FSIL to be jr. bm, apparently does not like me.
She does not consider me family and has told my FH this. Everyone else in the family does, not just the other five in the immediate family but so does the extended family of my FH. Finding this out recently, kinda explains why she hasnt really taken a part in helping my other two bridesmaids plan for the wedding shower next month, nor really seem to want to talk to me much unless she abosolutely has to.
I dont know what I have done to her. Not only do I not understand it, but neither does my FH.
I just dont know what to do.
thanks for 'listening'

Edit: FSIL just turned 20. My FH and I have been together for over 3 years and engaged since October of 2010. This is a new development-just came up within the past few days.
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Re: FSIL problems

  • mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    How long have you known your FSIL? Has your relationship always been difficult or is this a new development since the engagement? How old is she?

    We need a little bit more info. 
    imageDaisypath Anniversary tickers
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  • rmwood21rmwood21 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    FSIL and I have never been close, and for that fact since before my FH and I have been together, she hasnt been close to him either. Though I have tried, as well as he has tried to get closer to his sister it just hasnt seemed to work. And then this new development comes up.
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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    This may just be the way she thinks. Frankly, my ILs aren't my family, they're the people related to my husband. I don't like them, I wouldn't have picked them, I feel no obligation towards them. (Then again, I don't feel kindly towards my grandparents, either, and I have 50-some cousins I've never met. We're quick to cut assh*les out of my family.) 

    You haven't said that she's being rude to you, just that she hasn't done her so-called bm "duties" (which don't exist). I don't know why you asked her to be a BM if you weren't close - I knew and thought fondly of both my brothers' wives, and was relieved they didn't ask me to be in the wedding parties. I would not have been pleased to be asked to be a BM, like you seem to think she should be. 

    Just be polite to her and let it go. 
    image
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  • sister2groomsister2groom
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I currently have very close relationships with my family members so I don't say someone feel like family lightly, so it might not be you, it could just be she doesn't feel grow close to people as easily as the rest of her family does.

    The fact that she doesn't want to participate in a shower may or may not have anything to do with how she feels about you, and since she hasn't said anything about this to you directly I wouldn't read too much into it. Most 20 year olds I know are making negative income (through accumlating student loans) so it could just be that she's a normal 20-yr-old with very little extra cash.
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  • sweetvidaliasweetvidalia
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm almost in your exact situation. FI and I have been together for almost 8 years off and on (collge...meh), but for 3 years going strong . His sister has been pretty inconsistant about how she treats me. She is either pretending to me by best friend or smearing my name behind my back. And she is also 20 years old.

    I definitely share in your pain. FSIL has made is very clear to everyone she is not happy about FI asking me to marry him. I'd say that unless it comes to her being downright disrespectful and hateful to you,  just let it roll. FI and I have distanced ourselves from FSIL because being around her only keeps her close enough to stab us in the back.

    In all honesty, I think some girls act this way because they are sad or even a little jealous that their brother is getting married. When I was (much) younger, whenever my older brother would have girlfriends, I would be so devastated. I felt almost like he was replacing me because for so long we had been each other's closest friends. Of course, I had grown out of that well before 20 years old. But everyone matures at different paces I guess.

    CN: Just keep including her. Pretend you have no idea that she has said such things about you. You don't have to be her close friend, but being consistantly nice and including her will show that you are not affected by her attitude.


    "I don't know guys, that's a really nice thing to have in your house. I have one similar saying written on the walls all over my quiet, neat, non-childproofed home. I have it in my brand new car as a decal on the window. I even wear it on a t-shirt for when I go out to dinner or hang out at a trendy bar or go on a relaxing vacation. "All because I use birth control." It still brings a tear to my eye..." SnarkyMcSnarkerson
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  • rmwood21rmwood21 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    For me my FIL's are family, and I have close a relationship with all of them but her.
    I asked her to be a BM because I wanted her to be a part of the wedding and wanted her to be included since all other siblings were being included.
    She was pleased when I first asked her to be a BM and she was all gung-ho for everything. But now her attitude about has changed.
    No she hasnt been rude to me- but she has made it clear to me at times that I am unwanted to be around by her.
    FH and I have plans to work on the situation as he disagrees with everything she has said.
    I know things will work out how they are meant to eventually but it just wasnt something neither I nor my FH was expecting.
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  • Blizzlesgirl!Blizzlesgirl! member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Baconsmom FTW
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