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Dual military, deployment, change of duty station and where to have the wedding? Please help!

I'm at a real loss here. We are both from states in the midwest, but about 8 hours apart. We are currently stationed in Washington State. He is deploying soon, and once her returns, we wil have less than 2 months to report to Japan. I'm currently in the military, but will be getting out around the time of the wedding. To add to all of this, my mother is very ill and will eventually be passing away from chronic Hep. C and liver failure. I want her to be at the wedding, which means I would need to have it in my hometown. I know that my boyfriend (hasn't popped the question yet, but it is going to happen very soon) is ok with it being in my hometown, but then MANY of our friends can't attend it that live in Washington. I know his family won't have many attendees regardless, and he doesn't have a ton of friends that will be coming either.

So if I have my wedding in Iowa, how can I plan it from 5 states away, with a very ill mother, and a deloyed fiance. Not to mention we have less than 60 days to work with and you know how military dates can be in reference to deployment dates and such. I feel bad that I will have a large group of family and friends there, and he will have significantly less. Not to mention he has a few friends from Washington that he wanted as groomsmen, that most likely can't/wont attend a wedding so far away. I'm just at a loss of how to go about anything and any advice would help!

Re: Dual military, deployment, change of duty station and where to have the wedding? Please help!

  • In Response to Dual military, deployment, change of duty station and where to have the wedding? Please help!:
    [QUOTE]I 'm at a real loss here. We are both from states in the midwest, but about 8 hours apart. We are currently stationed in Washington State. He is deploying soon, and once her returns, we wil have less than 2 months to report to Japan. I'm currently in the military, but will be getting out around the time of the wedding. To add to all of this, my mother is very ill and will eventually be passing away from chronic Hep. C and liver failure. I want her to be at the wedding, which means I would need to have it in my hometown. I know that my boyfriend (hasn't popped the question yet, but it is going to happen very soon) is ok with it being in my hometown, but then MANY of our friends can't attend it that live in Washington. I know his family won't have many attendees regardless, and he doesn't have a ton of friends that will be coming either. So if I have my wedding in Iowa, how can I plan it from 5 states away, with a very ill mother, and a deloyed fiance. Not to mention we have less than 60 days to work with and you know how military dates can be in reference to deployment dates and such. I feel bad that I will have a large group of family and friends there, and he will have significantly less. Not to mention he has a few friends from Washington that he wanted as groomsmen, that most likely can't/wont attend a wedding so far away. I'm just at a loss of how to go about anything and any advice would help!
    Posted by MrsMueller2Be[/QUOTE]

    First, I'm sorry to hear about your mom. 
    It's not that difficult to plan a wedding from states away thanks to technology. Check out your local boards- the girls there can give you rec's for vendors, etc. Do you have a friend/relative in your hometown who would be willing to help with meeting vendors, etc? You may or may not want to utilize that help. 
    As far as where you get married- I know it's a crummy situation. FI is from the west coast and I am from the east coast; it was hard for us as well, but ultimately we decided together to have an east coast wedding because more of my family wouldn't be able to make it if we had a west coast wedding vs. his being able to come here (if that makes sense). We decided to have a party for his old hometown friends/family that can't make it in conjunction with their annual family reunion. I do feel sad that more of his friends/family can't make it, but we decided together and both felt that our East coast wedding choice was/is best. That's all you can do really. 
    There are several ladies here who planned their whole weddings with their FI's deployed, so they can be of more help to you there. 
    GL!
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  • FI was deployed during the first year of our engagement. We're planning our wedding (also in Iowa) 3 hours away from where it's being held. Emails have been great and when we go home we get a bunch knocked out. I would plan something small and intimate for Iowa. I've noticed many vendors and stuff like that are much chepaer here than averages for other places. You could do something small and use a banquet room at a restaurant maybe?

    Good luck!
  • I am very sorry to hear about your mom. Hopefully you can get it all up and rolling so she will be able to see you walk down the aisle! :)

    My fiance has deployed/away for 3 years, including the duration of our engagement. In order to make things work, we had to plan the wedding with only four months. It sounds very difficult when you look at it like that, but it really wasn't. In about a month, we have gotten everything planned with the exception of the cake and flowers. In doing this, we also did not have to sacrifice aything, i.e. our dream location, OOT guests, ect. We did, however end up planning a Friday wedding instead of the usual Saturday ceremony.

    It takes work, but it is definitely possible! Best of luck planning yours! Can't wait to see pictures! :)
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  • I'm planning my wedding from a couple of states away, and, while it's hard, e-mail and websites are a wonderful thing. Also, since it is your hometown, you get a little bit of a upper hand in that you'll have people there who can help you out. 

    I will say this, as far as people coming, I'm surprised at how many OOT-ers seem to really want to be at our wedding. If most of yours are military, I understand that they may not get the time off, but as far as civilian guests go, they just may surprise you. People are getting more and more used to traveling for weddings because most people move around a lot. 
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  • AmandaSC1988AmandaSC1988 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited April 2012
    I planned my wedding 2 hours away (Not huge...but still a pain to travel up there).. while working a full time job and while FI was away. I never honestly thought it was that hard (well, besides the dressfittings, which were 3 hours in the other direction).  Get it in your head right NOW that nothing will be perfect and wedding planning will be a heck of a lot  less stressful. Trust me.

    People WILL travel. At least for our family and close friends 95% of them made the trip! It was really pretty amazing the amount of people that were came to our wedding that we had not expected!! 

    Good luckkk

    ETA - I hope I didn't come across as mean! I didn't mean to... I just want to convey that nothing will be perfect and embracing that now will save you a lot of stress! As long as FI shows up... it will still be perfect.
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  • I am in a very similiar boat, so I know how stressful it is. I'm planning everything half a world away. The internet is a beautiful thing and definitely helps planning things from a distance.  Besides, if you have it in your hometown, you kind of already know what venues, bakers, florists, etc are available, which should make it a bit easier. You can also recruit your hometown friends and family to help you plan.

     I also recommend you and your FI take leave a little before the wedding and after the wedding.  That way you can spend more time with your mom and FI.  Depending on how awesome your chain of command is, you shouldn't have a problem getting leave especially if they know your situation.  Depending on your timing as well it might go right along with your terminal leave!

    As for not having your military buddies come, it happens regardless if you're having it where your duty station is or in your hometown.  Someone will always have watch or a strange schedule, etc and be unable to attend.  To address this issue though, my FI and I are having only family and closest of close friends come to the actual wedding, but holding a second less formal celebration with all our friends at a more convenient time for those stationed near us.  Due to your PCS, though, you might want to have this sooner rather than later if you want and/or can swing it. Or you can have a second celebration on your 1 year anniversary when you have more time to plan stuff out.  That way you get to celebrate not just once, but twice and with all the people you want to celebrate your big day with.  

    And you and your FI will have a great time in Japan (especially if you're going to Okinawa).  It's one of the best places to be stationed!
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