Not enough big ticket items on registry?

Jager1219 · January 2013

My FI and I live together and before that, we both lived alone for a few years. Needless to say, we have a LOT of stuff (so much that we have a whole storage unit of stuff in addition to what we have at home - yes including china from my grandma which won't fit in our cabinets/dining room buffet). So when we made our registery, we upgraded a few things (namely our flatware, so we will have a nice matching set), added a few items that we need, and added some others that would be "nice to have", but certaintly not a need (stand mixer). I was only planning on really registering for enough to get me through my shower (late Feb). I figured people would get the hint that we have most of what we need and then give cash at the reception which we could use because we are saving up for a house.

Anyways, I was really happy with our registery and felt that it had a nice variety of items at various price ranges. My FMIL, my mom, & my grandma have recently commented that I don't have enough "nice things" on our registery. I don't want to register for expensive towels just for the sake of registering for expensive towels over the practicle ones I currently picked out. So far 2 people have purchased items off our registery and it was our knife set and our crockpot which are "big ticket items". Am I crazy for thinking that most people would appreciate having many lower priced items on a registery (think small kitchen tools, pizza stone, lots of items under $20)?

LuckyGirl1713 · January 2013

I agree that you shouldn't register for things just because. However sometimes you may need to think outside he box a bit. You can registry for holiday decorations (if its the correct time of year), storage solutions, shoe racks, jewelry holders. Sometimes I feel like brides and grooms get stuck in the kitchen and linen rut when registering.

SCogs18 · January 2013

Register for what you want. If it happens to also be a big ticket item and your registery is "lacking" them then it is a bonus. I like to spend more than $20 on a wedding gift so as your registery stands now, I would buy you several smaller things.

Could you do something like register for like a 50 piece set of your silverware in addition to the place settings? That way if someone wants to go big they can, but aren't forced it?

MyNameIsNot · January 2013

Unless there is something else you really want, leave it alone. You'll regret it if someone spends $500 on a dyson you didn't really want.

If your mom or FMIL bring it up again, say something about how people can get a set of things, or go off registry, or just give cash. Phrase it tactfully, but that will give them to hint to spread along to any guests that ask.

libby2483 · January 2013

My family made the same comments about our registry. We had a couple of "big ticket" items, but not a lot. We did not add anything to the registry just for the sake of adding it. People who wanted to spend more either got a few different things or gave us cash. It turned out fine.

lls31 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_not-enough-big-ticket-items-on-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:770239a7-d34a-4f42-ab24-1e99fc368d5bPost:66da76c8-017b-4877-a3b1-73601b666acf">Re: Not enough big ticket items on registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think your FMIL, mom and grandma are being a little bit silly. Your registry sounds fine. <strong>FWIW, my sister suggested adding an ice cream maker (Cuisinart) and we got it! </strong> So if you think of some more stuff, great. Otherwise, I wouldn't worry about it.
Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]

<div>I second the ice cream maker. I have a Cuisinart and I love it. I know you mentioned a stand mixer - did you register for a KitchenAid? They have an ice cream maker attachment that you could add. </div><div>
</div><div>You could always add nice sheets as well. We always bought cheap jersey sheets from Target, but we decided to register for pricier eucalyptus sheets that we normally wouldn't buy ourselves. We got them and they are the most amazing sheets - I don't think we'll ever go back to the cheap sheets again!</div><div>
</div><div>But, like PPs said, you don't have to add anything. Your registry honestly sounds fine as is!</div><div>
</div>

Jager1219 · January 2013

It's funny because I pretty much have on there a lot of your suggestions. I did register for 3 sets of nice sheets, 2 flatwear sets of 32 pieces each, 1 hostess flatware set, the stand mixer with attachments, good steak knives, the knife block with 10 knives, slow cooker, crystal toasting flutes, cake server that matches our flatware, a new duvet cover with pillow shams. I'd say all of the above items are on the high price end ($100+). I think my mom just wants me to register to china, which I refuse to do since I already have 3 china sets at home (inherrited) and 1 of which I really like. But according to her it's not "good china". My FMIL suggested that instead of the $40 iron I have on my list, I get a $300 iron. I look at that as being wasteful - it's just an iron. But thanks for the feedback everyone!

hoffse · January 2013

I agree a $300 iron is unnecessary - but look at the $90 or $120 rowenta irons. Those things are magical. Also, if you or your FI is a professional, a garment steamer is a life saver in the mornings. FI's parents got me one as a graduation gift from law school and I use that thing all the time. It's $150 at BBB, so that might make them happy.

If you don't want (another) set of a china, don't feel pressure to register for it. But personally I'm of the opinion that if you inherit an ugly set of china you should sell it to replacements. They will buy it from you and you can go forward with a pattern you really love. And then somebody who actually likes it can maybe complete their own set - win for everybody.

How do you feel about a holiday pattern? That could get your mom off your back, and even though the holidays are over some of the more popular patterns are sold year round.

Or... I hesitate to suggest this because people have strong opinions about it (and it sounds like you chose a flatware pattern), but what about a silver pattern? Beverly Bremer's shop in Atlanta is pretty much the best there is. You can get estate silver for dirt cheap (relatively speaking) and she sells worldwide. They have an online registry that brides all over the country use. We already had most of our china and all of our crystal when we registered, so we decided to pick a formal sterling pattern for people who are into that sort of thing (and it sounds like your mom is). Retail, sterling runs around $1000/place setting, but her store sells estate pieces for under $200/place setting on average. Her buyers are excellent, and they professionally polish each piece before selling it.

Jager1219 · January 2013

Thanks for the suggestions hoffse! I actually just gave my mom my sterling silver set back (also inherited). I've never used it and I doubt I ever will. It's just too much work to polish and hand wash and it was mismatched - like 5 different patterns mixed all together. I probably only had 2 place settings that matched. I was planning on giving back to her my ugly china sets once I get around to cleaning out my storage unit & keeping the one I really like. But in the event that she actually lets me sell the china sets, do you know of any good places to sell it to?

Jager1219 · January 2013

PS - good suggestion about the holiday pattern. But my FI is Jewish & I'm Catholic, so that's not a good option for us. But a really good suggestion!

Fancypantsamy · January 2013

Where did you register? Macy's has rugs and lamps that are pretty nice - I got a beautiful living room lamp from a guest, and it looks way better than the old Ikea one it replaced.

s-aries8990 · January 2013

Well, if you do go for a holiday pattern in some crazy change of heart, may I suggest the Lenox Holiday dinnerware with holly berries, leaves and gold trim. It holds up well and my mother has had hers for about 25 years now and it still looks beautiful!

Jager1219 · January 2013

I registered at BBB, Crate & Barrel, & Macy's. When FI and I moved in together, that's when we upgraded a lot of our furnishings. So I really don't need any of that until we get a house (and then it will probably be old stuff that is inherited until we upgrade it). Problem with registering for it now is that we haven't bought a house yet and would have no place to put it. That's why I'd rather keep the registery to things I can use today and hope for cash at the reception (a common practice in NE). That way we can use the cash for a down payment on a house or future furnishings.

s-aries8990 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_not-enough-big-ticket-items-on-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:770239a7-d34a-4f42-ab24-1e99fc368d5bPost:7e7c4436-2dba-42e3-9b0e-b030b26e36d9">Re: Not enough big ticket items on registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]I registered at BBB, Crate & Barrel, & Macy's. When FI and I moved in together, that's when we upgraded a lot of our furnishings. So I really don't need any of that until we get a house (and then it will probably be old stuff that is inherited until we upgrade it). Problem with registering for it now is that we haven't bought a house yet and would have no place to put it. That's why I'd rather keep the registery to things I can use today and <strong>hope for cash at the reception </strong>(a common practice in NE). T<strong>hat way we can use the cash for a down payment on a house or future furnishings.</strong>
Posted by Jager1219[/QUOTE]

Can you tactfully explain this to your those who are pressuring you? Gifts are meant to be used, and registering for things you WON'T use is very wasteful. Quietly spread the word that you are saving for a down payment on a house and hopefully people will get the hint.

Jager1219 · January 2013

Yep tried that many many times. But there's no getting through to my mom/grandma mostly. FMIL changes her position a bit depending on who she's last spoken with. First it's "you should register for this fancy iron instead of the cheap one you have" and then it's "I don't understand why you would register for towels at BBB when you can get less expensive ones at Marshalls/Homegoods - it's much better to give cash". The funniest part to me is that when looking at china patterns at Macy's, so many of them are the same exact pattern as my set that my mom claims isn't "good china". So I'd basically pick out exactly what I currently have! Only difference is that because it's older, it's not dishwasher/microwave safe because of the gold trim (unlike the new ones). So who really cares if you have bone china or porcelain (the later of which is what I suspect mine is, but I don't even know myself)! My mom is crazy, I'm leaving my registry as is.

Complete side note so you can see how looney my mom is - I know when my shower is (I created the invitations) but my mom wants me to show up late with my FI. When I asked her why, I'd rather he come at the end to thank everyone for the gifts instead of at the begining, her response was "but then what's you're excuse for going to the location?" I said what do you mean, it's not like it's a surprise. She said "Humor me, no one needs to know that!" So she's trying to fake a surprise shower.

[Deleted User] · January 2013

I was in the same boat. I told them that we already had good dishes, silverware & glassware. But to make them happy we just went and had fun registering for things that we would love but never thought we would get. Things like a wine fridge, a mini fridge for our wetbar, a kitchenaid mixer and a few other items. They were all luxury items that we didn't need but figured, what the heck, it would be cool to have. Now we did register for a lot of smaller things like you did because like you we decided to upgrade a few kitchen things that were worn out. Some of our friends I think really appreciated the smaller items due to financial situations but to our surprise we got some of the big ticket items we never expected to get. Basically when you register pick out what you need and a few things that if you had an unlimited budget, you would love to treat yourself to.

laurbar12 · January 2013

My mom told us the same thing. Yet, two weeks before our wedding almost all of the big ticket items are still on the registry while almost all of the smaller items have been purchased. I really wouldn't worry about it. If people dont like what you register for they will either go off the registry or just give you money.

Jager1219 · January 2013

OK - just venting now. I re-looked at my registery and added a few other things. (Portable cooler for the beach, throw blankets, luggage tags, new bathroom accessories, picture frames, hostess flatware set that matches our pattern). I was talking to my mom last night about the shower (the invites just arrived) and mentioned that someone bought our toasting flutes. She was all upset because apparantly that's what she wanted to buy for us.

Then she goes on a rant again about how I don't have enough "nice" things on my registery and she now doens't know what to get me. I registered for 3 sets of sheets, but they're "just plain white sheets" (which by the way, I love - I currently have 1 set of these sheets and love them. They're a nice Egyptian cotton with a high thread count). Then she says "you ONLY registered for 4 bath towels". Yes Mom, because I currently have 6, so that brings me to a total of 10..."Well I have more than that". True, but you have a larger house than a 2 bedroom condo any as is, I don't know where to even fit these new bath towels if I get them at the shower. So then I said well, I registered for the flatware sets, I like the sheets I picked out, and I really feel that I have a good range of items on my registery in a good price range. I also pointed out that even if I WAS to register for china, I'd pick a pattern that is exactly what I currently have, so what's the point in that? "but it's not Bavarian china..." Then she says that my cousin at least had pots & pans on her registery. I have so many that are in such good condition, that it doens't make sense to registery for a new set when mine is in perfect condition. So then I said to her, what else do YOU think I should put on my registery? She asks if I have a tea kettle (yes, I have 2 - an old fashioned stove-top one and an electric one). So she didn't have any suggetions as to what to put on. Then she says, "but there's 40 people invited to this shower and you don't have anything nice for them to get you". To which I replied that a - I didn't want a shower and was forced into having one because of her & b - those 40 people are HER friends and extended family that I don't even know for the most part (literally, my guests are my 2 friends who are BMs, and 5 other friends - that's it. The rest is family/her friends). And after all this, she was still so upset that she hung up on me!

PS Retread - the reason I gave her back my sterling set & will give her back the 2 china sets that I don't like is that my mom won't let me get rid of anything (I couldn't even sell it without her having a fit). My 3 sets of china (the one I like and the 2 I hate are currently in storage because I have no room for it). I also have 2 younger sisters. We EACH have 3 sets of china (plus my mom has 2 sets and my grandma has 2 sets). I've also never seen my mom use her wedding china (she's too afraid of breaking it and doens't want to hand wash it during the holidays). She only uses her "cheap" china. So it just sits in a display case in the house with her 48 pieces of Waterford crystal glasses (again, she never uses it). I purposely picked out my toasting flutes to match her Waterford pattern (Listmore) which is the same pattern my grandma has becaues I'm assuming that one day my sisters and I will inherit it and then my flutes will gowith the rest of the set.

Urgh - can't deal!

Not enough big ticket items on registry?

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