Tipping

sbolger17 · September 2011

I know this has been discussed before, but can the married ladies tell me who you tipped? We're trying to figure this out and it's so confusing b/c every website says something different! And naturally I don't WANT to tip, but I also don't want to be stingy either. I guess the ones I'm specifically wondering about are catering manager, DJ, photog, and videog (the last 3 own their own businesses, but photog and videog will have assistants there for the ceremony).

This is a P&R as I'm off to bed. Will check tomorrow! Thanks for any input.

rsfan23 · September 2011

I want to know too..

lornarose07 · September 2011

I'm not married--not even close to having a qualified answer on this--but what I can offer is to check through all of your contracts with each vendor, as they may have charged you a gratuity fee around 18-20% which is absolutely their tip lol from what I've seen, a lot of reception venues tack on this type of fee. You might have already paid the tip, so double-check just to be sure.

DondadaTimes2 · September 2011

I tipped my minister (who we didnt pay), photographer, and my DJ, and my bffs husband who played guitar during the ceremony. I dont have a % of how much though. I gave them all roughly $50-75 (maybe $100 to my DJ) but I had a $7G wedding, so it was appropriate for what I spent. Bartenders and such had their tip rolled into the cost of the bar.

I didnt tip my videographer b/c the whole situation is screwy. He is my HS bffs father. We never discussed payment and both his daughters told me it was a gift from the family. He never confirmed, nor denied it, so ok, youre the business man, you tell me. Then he told me to call him 3 weeks after the wedding to discuss me getting the video (mail vs pick up) and when I called he said he needed a few more weeks (its just a side job so I understand...kinda...he recently retired) but anyways, I decided Id send a tip or giftcard or something with his Thank You card, but as you all know I got them out 3 months late, and I still hadnt received the video. Ive left him messages both email and phone and have heard nothing and now were 4 months out, so as far as Im concern...no tip. Im not gunna cry over the video b/c I didnt pay, but yeah, screwy situation.

So as far as WHO to tip, anyone who provided you a service and as Lorna said, hasnt already added that tip into your contract. I'd suggest 15-20% depending on the job they did. If they were amazing and you want to give them more, awesome. If they blew, less. I know thats very anti-etiquette and most people will tell you to have tip checks written and ready to go the day before, but I am very anti tipping someone who doesnt deserve it. We made out the checks, without the amount, and filled them in when the reception ended and everyone was packing to go (Josh, mom n dad helped)

sbolger17 · September 2011

I always thought tips were usually cash, no?

Thanks for your input! If anyone else has thoughts, let me know! This part sucks.

Happily9 · September 2011

I have an article from a brides magazine at home I can post later what it says (how much for who)

DondadaTimes2 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_central-new-york_tipping-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:621Discussion:0c344045-96c3-4350-a0c4-0ac1e31b2fd5Post:e3ff4bcc-28c4-4449-875d-769ae1fcde56">Re: Tipping</a>:
[QUOTE]I always thought tips were usually cash, no? Thanks for your input! If anyone else has thoughts, let me know! This part sucks.
Posted by sbolger17[/QUOTE]

Hm, I dont know. I hate carrying cash on me so my wedding was gunna be no different. This way I could change up the amount aaaand b/c my wedding was half cash bar, I didnt have to worry about anyone attempting to dip into my tip money :) I wouldnt put it past a few drunking friends of Joshs

lornarose07 · September 2011

Bridgett I'm with you. People don't deserve a tip for crappy service. I have a friend who actually refuses to tip waitresses because, as she puts it, "It's their JOB to serve me and yes, I know they get paid less, but they're CHOOSING to get paid less in order to rely on people being nicer than me and giving them more money for a job they're already doing." I don't really agree with her, because I used to be a waitress and it blows, but I think she has a good point to some degree.... it's their job to do it anyway, and tips should be for outstanding service, not just a supplemental payment for doing their job.

Anyone ever heard that back in the day, tips were given before-hand? I've heard it both ways that T.I.P = to insure promptness; T.I.P.S. = to insure proper service. Which way is better, in everyone's opinion?

DondadaTimes2 · September 2011

Oh yeah, Im against your friend on that one. I think that if you do the job you were asked to do, tipping is sort of a "thank you" and if they do an outstanding tip they get one large 'Thank You!' and if they did not do their job to the fullest, no thank you. The only time I wont tip is if the waitress was horrible.

While I understand what your friend is saying I think its bs b/c waitresses do not take a job knowing low pay. They take a job knowing low pay and believing they'll get tipped based on their service and believing they can do a great job and make good tips. (not that I need to tell you as a former waitress)

Im not sure what your friend does for a living but ask her this....At the end of the year your boss hands out a Holiday Bonus as a big fat thank you, or in my job we get a raise every July but the % increase is based on your performance review....if she doesnt believe a waitress should get a tip b/c she was just doing her job...should she not refuse the bonus or pay increase b/c she was just doing hers?

lornarose07 · September 2011

Oh please. I don't even need to ask that question to know the answer

Her mentality is the kind that I battled constantly as a food services worker at SU... how many times I had to politely dodge the "Well, it's your job to clean up after me/wash out my coffee mug that I brought from home/deal with my attitude" comment, I could never accurately recall at this point.

One time I ordered an appetizer at a restaurant and the waiter never brought it, I asked for it quite a few times and he was always very apologetic, but at the end of the night, it never came. I didn't even see it on my bill, which means that he never placed the order through the POS system (not that it never made it out of the kitchen/cook never made it), so I knew it was his mistake. I gave $1.00 tip, because he seemed really new and might have been nervous as I was during my first (and only lol) month as a waitress, and I wrote next to the tip line "You never brought my appetizer." To me, that's a real tip: don't forget something the customer has ordered from you 3 times.

Happily9 · September 2011

Ok...here's what the article says......

Officiant- $75-$100 for a clery member. (It's a donation to the house of worship). A civil employee, such as a judge or clerk, often can't accept a tip. The best man offers the tip after the ceremony.

Ceremony musicians- $20 to $25 each, unless tips are included in a house of worship's rental fee. The best man offers the tips after the ceremony.

Alter boys/girls- $5-$10 each. the best man offers the tips to the kids after the ceremony.

Delivery People- $5 to $25 each depending on the time and toil. Whoever (Mom, planner) is supervising wedding-day deliveries offers the tips on the spot.

Coat check and restroom attendents- $.50 to $1 per guest. Post a sign that gratuities have been taken care of. The host (i.e. you or your parents) pays in advance, based on the number of guests.

Valets or parking attendents-$1 per car. Post a sign telling guests that gratuities have been taken care of. the host pays in advance, based on the number guests

Hotel wedding coordinator- $200- to $400. The host offers the tips at the reception's end.

waitstaff- 15 to 20 percent of the total catering bill, to be split among the waiters, if a gratuity is not included in the contract. The host offers the tip at the reception's end.

Bartenders- 10 percent of the total liquor bill, to be split among the bar staff, if a gratuity is not included in the contract. The host offers the tip at the reception's end.

DJ or band- $50-100 for a DJ. $20 to $25 for each band member if tey work for an agency, no tip if they're self employed. The host offers the tip at the reception's end.

Photographer and videographer- $50 to $100 if they are working for a studio, no tip if they're self employed. The host offers the tip at the receptions end.

Independent wedding planner- Not expected. But if your planner went out of her way you can thank her with cash ($100 to $1,000 depending on your budget) or a gift, send after the wedding.

Limo driver or bus driver- 15 to 20 percent of the total bill, if a gratuity is not included in the contract. The host offers the tip after the final drop-off

Hairstylist and make up artists- 15 to 20 percent of the total bill, if you go to a salon; at your discretion if they come to you.

kevinandmonica2011 · September 2011

I tipped in cash for all vendors, unless it was included in their charge. I tipped about 15-20%... more based on how I felt their service was. Kev and I arranged all of the tips a few days before and gave them to his father to distribute. (Definitely recommend this over the best man. TBH, the groom's father really doesn't have all that much to do on the day of, so asking him to handle the tips can help to A. make sure it actually gets done and B. make him feel included).

The only issue I had with tipping was with the limo company. They made it a point to repeatedly remind me of the tip every time I spoke with them. It was soooo annoying. I actually wrote a bit about it in my review. If you are going to pester me non-stop about your tip, then you might as well include it in the charge. They even went so far as to calculate 20% of each vehicle and let me know how much that was. I can do math, thank you.

kks4471 · September 2011

Awesome article Kadell, I'm saving that in Word! I'm contemplating the FFIL idea, that's a great suggestion too! FI's parents are awwwful at tipping though... we always leave an extra $5 on the table before we leave. $1 just doesn't cut it, for most service anyways.

Happily9 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_central-new-york_tipping-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:621Discussion:0c344045-96c3-4350-a0c4-0ac1e31b2fd5Post:842391a3-ce51-4f50-80af-05f533aae115">Re: Tipping</a>:
[QUOTE]Awesome article Kadell, I'm saving that in Word! I'm contemplating the FFIL idea, that's a great suggestion too! FI's parents are awwwful at tipping though... we always leave an extra $5 on the table before we leave. $1 just doesn't cut it, for most service anyways.
Posted by kks4471[/QUOTE]

I thought the part with who actually gives the tip was pretty helpful too!

sbolger17 · September 2011

Thank you! Great article, Kadell! And good insight, Monica.

I'm going to the bank tomorrow to get this $$.

kks4471 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_central-new-york_tipping-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:621Discussion:0c344045-96c3-4350-a0c4-0ac1e31b2fd5Post:75ab0165-ce1f-407c-8eb7-b071bbc8e65d">Re: Tipping</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Tipping : I thought the part with who actually gives the tip was pretty helpful too!
Posted by ktobin0519[/QUOTE]

Aww, I definitely agree! I just might switch out BM with FFIL for the harpist and officiant, like Monica's idea. Something to think about anyways. My parents (the hosts) and myself will take care of reception related tips.

Tipping

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