Bridal Shower questions from MOH (longish)

phishylove · February 2011

I'm the MOH in my best friend's wedding in July. First off, I'm going to say that I have no idea what I'm doing, but I have some questions about the Bridal shower.

The BP consists of me, another friend of the bride, and the bride's FSIL. Both the bride and the other friend live half way across the country.
The Bride's mom was working on planning a Bridal Shower until the bride's FMIL sent an email basically saying that it was the MOH's job with the help of the bridesmaids, which made the Bride's mom uncomfortable, so she asked me to take over. I'm more than happy to plan the shower and would have assisted the Bride's Mom either way. I do not know the other members of the BP very well so a few months ago I sent out an email introducing myself and asking if they would be willing to help me with a shower. The one that lives near the bride stated that she wouldn't be able to attend since it's in our home-state, but would like to still help (I think that means financially) and the FSIL said that she would also be willing to help, but is in the process of buying a house so her funds would be limited.

I'm wondering if it would be plain rude to ask what amount they could contribute? Should I just say "this is the amount I need"? Because one of the BM can't make it should I still expect her to contribute financially? Any amount is appreciated but I don't want them to think that I'm demanding money from them. And because I'll more than likely be contributing the most financially do I need to run decisions past them?

Also, the FMIL offered her home for the Shower, however the Bride doesn't really feel comfortable having it there and the Bride's mom has pulled some strings to get big discounts at nice restaurant. Any suggestions on how to break it to the FMIL?

MairePoppy · February 2011

The FMIL was out of line to tell the MOB that it is M'sOH duty to host the shower. That is not true, never has been. A shower is a gift, not an entitlement. Anyone, except the bride or groom, can host the shower.

It is very nice that you are willing to step up. Since the bms have offered to help out, you may call them and find out what they mean by that. If they are offering $$, it's a good idea to ask them how much. If the out of state bm wants to contribute, it's okay to accept. They should get to help plan the party if they want.

If you have decided not to use the FMIL's home just thank her for her offer but tell her you've decided on restaurant, or whatever. Since she doesn't feel that the MOB should be involved in planning, then I would assume you don't have to consult the MOG, either.

SuMmErKuTiE · February 2011

Ditto MairePoppy her FMIL was way out of line and that was just rude. Anyone other than the bride and groom can host the shower. My mom hosted mine with the help of my MOH and BM's. But without my mom, I doubt the girls would have been able to afford the location, the cake, and all the little details.

Maybe you should sit down with the bride's mom and see if you could co-host since she originally offered. I also see nothing wrong in asking the other BM's for an amount they can afford, and then plan from there.

hlq2011 · February 2011

Ditto PPs. FMIL was way out of line. It used to be that MOBs weren't supposed to host showers, and I guess in some places it may look that way still, but most people are, I think, over that.

I think that given the girls have offered assistance, you're totally okay to ask them what they can afford to contribute; don't just say, hey, this is how much this is costing. You should involve them in the planning as much as they want to be involved; they may have some great ideas.

Regarding MOG's offer of her home, tell her kindly, thanks but no thanks, we've decided to do X instead.

Bridal Shower questions from MOH (longish)

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