2nd wedding, I have different needs and dreams this time around. Who else does?

RKwedding2011 · April 2011

Im getting married. My FI and I are both divorced with children. I have much different needs this time around for my wedding. I just want to include my family, close friends and introduce my fiance to my family. He feels the same way. I'm having fun planning the wedding. I'm keeping things simple. I care most about spending the rest of my life with my fiance.

I had originally wanted to just elope, however, my FI eloped before and neither of us have had a church wedding.

I'd like to hear from other brides to be about how they are viewing their wedding the 2nd+ time around. I wish you all a happy wedding!

Katie

wolfsmagic13 · April 2011

Hi Katie,

Like you I plan to have fun but the second time around seems to be more of a pain in the bottom than the first time was over 17 years ago. The only difference is this time, I am actually saying what is going on and keeping my mother on a tight leash and saying no alot to her. My FI and I both have children as well, to everyone's disbelieve we allowed our 5 year old to pick our main colour as we couldn't make up our minds. The main pain is the fact that the moms (my mother who is whining she isn't incharge and my step mom who is upset that the MOH still has no dress) are trying to veto somethings we are doing or shaking their heads at the fact we have female witnesses and not tradtional witnesses. Did I mention that we are getting married Friday the 13th this May and it's the only one this year which started them off in the first place...

I told them that my FI didn't have the church wedding the firat time around and I did so I am compromising and doing it (although eloping then emailing people saying guess what was my original plan) We are trying to keep it simple and so far success is ours. Happy wedding to you too!

Tina

Sue-n-Kevin · April 2011

THis is my first wedding, my fiance's 3rd marriage (he never had a big "to-do" either time). I'm planning it as anyone would for a first marriage..........but as an older bride, it's more scaled down and elegant than the big WEDDING EVENT it would have been when I was much younger. Our guest list is 100, but we'll probably end up with about 80 people, just close family and lifelong friends.

gupsmom · April 2011

I definately have different needs & ideas this time around. 1st time, big church wedding with alll the frills, this time - uh, no - not so much. Don't need it, and dont want it, it's too much fuss for me. We're keeping it simple & intimate for the ceremony and having a "traditional" reception for about 50. Reception is a small art gallery venue, virtually eliminating the need for additional decorations (YAY!) I'm still keeping the tradition of a cake, food, beverages, chair covers, linens and favors but because it's scaled down, my cost is less. In fact, my entire wedding (everything from the dress, rings, reception and everything for it) is paid for! All we have to do is show up. I still have plenty of time to tweek at a minimal cost and under budget. We've spent $3200 (bulk being plane tickets & ceremony, it's a destinaton) However, there is a downside - because everything is virtually done, now what do I do? I've got 5 months of time to tweek. Not good. LOL!

rapunnzzll · April 2011

Hi Katie...and other ladies,

The main thing to remember is do what the two of YOU want. Sometimes you make a compromise with others, but only if you are ok with it.

We are having a very elegant wedding, inviting about 130 people. FI had no say in his first and mine was pretty run of the mill. I am having a blast working out all the details, and I overheard fi tell his mom that he is having a blast just watching me have so much fun!

Happy planning!
Teresa

cmk46202 · April 2011

My FI and I both eloped for our first marriages, so this time it will be an actual "real" wedding. Kind of a different situation than many second-time brides. We are paying for the wedding ourselves which puts a lot of pressure on us financially but it is nice because we have the total say so in what goes on! Now that I am 36, I understand what a budget is -- that was kind of a foreign concept when I was 23.

I feel much more confident this time about what I'm doing and what I want in the wedding, and much more comfortable with doing things that maybe aren't traditional wedding things.

mybooboos · April 2011

Hi Katie - congratulations on your engagement and welcome to the boards!!

I didn't plan a full blown wedding my first time, just the ceremony. The decision was to go to the courthouse and lunch afterwards, which was fine. This time, I am planning a wedding with "all the trimmings". Small group of family and mostly friends, who have supported us over the years, will attend, and we'll have a cocktail hour and seated dinner reception.

Planning has been a breeze, and a lot of fun. The things I've learned on theKnot have been quite eye opening, regarding the industry of weddings!

Happy planning and Happy wedding!

Megaboo1116 · April 2011

Definitely have different dreams and plans this time around! My first wedding was 9 years ago and the only thing I remeber about that entire day was how awful I felt the entire day... all the planning and last minute stress weakened my immune system and I ended up getting a cold the day before my wedding. I should've been in bed with how awful I felt. I didn't have fun.

My goal this time around is to have fun! And to make the wedding "ours". My first wedding was all about what I wanted and it was a big mess of mismatched everything. We had a limited budget (as my FI and I do this time) but I didn't spend as much time finding the best bang for my buck the way I am now. FI and I are having a wedding that people will walk out of saying "well that is definitely them!" And I'm going to remember the day because the longer engagement is allowing me to get more done earlier.

My biggest goal this time around was to make sure I had my venue secured with a contract! My first wedding, my reception venue called me three weeks before our wedding saying he double-ooked and I'd have to find a new place to have our wedding. Middle of August, 3 weeks before the wedding?! Seriously! Where was I going to find a place that was air-conditioned, could hold all of my guests and wasn't too far away?! I lost a bunch of weight from the stress and my gown ended up being too big for me... needless to say causing a bunch of other stresses and a fall on our entrance into the reception!

So yes, plenty of things will be different! :-)

Avion22 · April 2011

Let's see....

1. This time I'll be 31. Last time I was 23. Big difference. My tastes have changed a lot.

2. I'm a widdow...so the whole "till death to us part" thing means a lot more to me now.

3. My first wedding stressed me out so much that we scrapped the whole thing and went for a really small wedding. This time, I'm making sure that everything is low-stress. However, I think I'm better at handing it now that I'm older.

4. Our focus is the marriage, not the wedding. Yes, weddings are fun. But the marriage is way more important to me.

2dBride · April 2011

At the time of my first wedding, I was 23. I was working full-time and going to law school 3/4 time, so I stayed out of the planning as much as possible. The groom was quite hard of hearing, so music and dancing did not appeal to him at all. The reception was lunch in a restaurant for 80 people, mostly his extended family and mine.

This time around, I turned 56 on my wedding day. Because it was a same-sex wedding, we had to have it in Massachusetts, which is 8 hours away from where we live. We therefore decided to make it very small--immediate family on my side, and a few close friends on NotFroofy's. The attendants were my two grown children. However, we had a big evening reception--with heavy hors d'oeuvres, an open bar, music, dancing, and a DIY fauxtobooth--for our friends back home three days later. And because I'm now self-employed, and have more time than money, the second wedding was much more DIY and personalized than the first one.

Avion22 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_2nd-wedding-different-needs-dreams-this-time-around-else?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:47250d3a-5a4b-4229-9187-a1017f4f751fPost:9b66879e-4196-4366-8230-c9b5102014e7">Re: 2nd wedding, I have different needs and dreams this time around. Who else does?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that's typical. Our wants, needs, and goals change over the course of our lifespans, and this is a wedding with a different person. This time around it was about the party. We went for "fun for our friends." Avion22, I'm so sorry for your loss, and so glad you found love again.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

Thanks so much. There were some rough times, and I didn't know that I was ever going to fall in love again. But then I met the most amazing man in the world :-) Sounds clicheed, but there it is. So lucky.

thealphabride · April 2011

My first marriage was a mistake. I was 5 months prego and wanted to 'do the right thing"... wow it was absolutely the WRONG thing to do. He ended up being abusive after our son was born. I promptly left him. My first wedding was in the courthouse without family or friends. No guests or reception. That was 13 years ago.

My second wedding was a beautiful outdoor ceremony, with reception following with all of our family and close friends in attendance. It was exactly what we wanted. A gorgeous day and our sons were in our wedding. We had cocktails, dinner and dancing after the wedding. I wore a beautiful ivory wedding gown , slender with a sweep train, and had gorgeous flowers and decor.

My fiance and I paid for the entire wedding and our families attended as guests and didn't have to lift a finger to plan or help. My son escorted me down the aisle and stood up with the groom and the best man, who is my now Step Son. My 2 sisters were bridesmaids.

It was a beautiful wedding and everything I had always dreamed of, as it was the first wedding for me with wedding guests and a reception. I was 53 when we married.

We left for a one week honeymoon the day after the wedding. It was a beautiful beach vacation on Hilton Head Island. We drove from the midwest to HH. We had a wonderful time. I was soooo ready for the honeymoon as I had saved up ALL of my PTO (paid time off) all year and did not have any days off until just 3 days before the wedding, I was then off for an additional 2 weeks it was glorious.

memSomerville · April 2011

Oh, this is where the adults are. I was looking for an older bride area or some choice name for that. Although this is my first, I'm mid-40s. And I seem to be a bit divergent from those half my age here who think a $50k tag on daddy's credit card is what everyone is having....

2dBride · April 2011

memSomerville: Yep, the grown-ups congregate here. Feel free to stick around, even though this is your first wedding. I always found this board a nice change from the ones where people were busy obsessing over the smallest details.

Sarahkayfa · April 2011

Congratulations Katie! I am excited for you.

I have some different needs and expectations this time around. I was a very young bride.

My 1st wedding happened to take place a month after my then-husband and I lost our newborn premature daughter. It was a wonderful day, but the grief cast a shadow over the day, as I should have been heavily pregnant with our first child and instead was grieving. I still looked pregnant, and felt very uncomfortable in my skin.

It was a beautiful, very religious service, that was more for our families than for ourselves. Neither of us was religious. And although the whole thing cost very little money, because I was young I felt intense guilt over spending other people's money and I just tried to please my parents and his mother. We didn't have a lot of the 'fun' parts of a wedding, no reception music, no dancing, just a really nice lunch. We adhered to a lot of traditions. There was no 'wedding night' as we weren't cleared for sex by my OB. And we didn't take a honeymoon.

We split up after 4 1/2 years of marriage and 8 years together. People still say how beautiful the wedding was. And it was, it was just so very sad.

This time, I'm a little older, and my partner and I are so excited to be married, and to revel in it and have a really great time. We're having a stress-free wedding at sea on a cruise ship. We found one that will handle the details for us, and allow us to get married during the cruise with the Captain officiating. It will be relaxing, and lots of fun. Friends will be with us, some of our family. There will be lots of eating and dancing and drinking and time to spend with our guests. The ceremony won't be religious, and we'll be doing only the traditional things that are important to us as a couple. And I'll look fantastic in my dress.

Sarahkayfa · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_2nd-wedding-different-needs-dreams-this-time-around-else?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:47250d3a-5a4b-4229-9187-a1017f4f751fPost:cb9690e4-9ff1-43e3-b6a6-0c3d0d54fffb">Re: 2nd wedding, I have different needs and dreams this time around. Who else does?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 2nd wedding, I have different needs and dreams this time around. Who else does? : Thanks so much. There were some rough times, and I didn't know that I was ever going to fall in love again. But then I met the most amazing man in the world :-) Sounds clicheed, but there it is. So lucky.
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm so happy for you. Congratulations!</div>

calo1983 · April 2011

my needs are that nothing absolutly nothing be the same or go the same as that first horrid fiasco. (sorry)

no really i want a real wedding with guests and a dress and food and tuxes and all the stuff i didnt have. My first wedding was a fiasco and all that could go wrong did. I would love this day to go smoothly.

morrisonFTW · April 2011

calo1983 - my first wedding was a disaster too. And don't get me started on the actual marriage!!

It's been seven years since I was first married, but I feel like I've aged 20 in that time. Things will be similar in some ways - semi-casual, in the spring, no outrageous fanfare... but everything will be different in the details - less fiasco, more good times. I'm more secure in myself, and my ability to say "no" when I need to, and my partner couldn't be more supportive and thoughtful and awesome.

calo1983 · April 2011

i am stressing a bit though. for example at the first wedding we had a pot luck. which would have been okay except NO ONE BROUGHT ANY FOOD! we had 75 people (bot including the wedding party)confirmed to attend 20 including the wedding party actually showed up. our photographer cancled the day of. the pastor had an emergency and moved the wedding up an hour... our sound system broke. we had to get new music the day of my house was broken into the night before aso i was up with the police half the night i fell asleep my ex decided to do a random speech at the wedding andended up sounding very drunk and half the people there confronted me on it... i was excluded from all after the wedding festivities etc... was a very bad day that only predicted the year down hill slide from there...oh and the cake never came!

so... a real photographer, an actual cake, perhaps a dj with his own equipment, a reliable venue, and a caterer. and a security system for the house? and a very nervous bride with a moh trying to calm my nerves...lol

HeatherC82576 · April 2011

This will be my FI and mine both second marriage. His first was the big to do. My first ended after 14 years by the time the divorce was over it was 15. My Fi is an awesome man never ever in my dreams would I have thought I would have met what I feel is my true soul mate we have been together a little over a year our wedding will either be next spring/summer or the year 2013 we are leaning more towards next year. My first marriage I didnt have a wedding it was court house and my family didnt approve my mom didnt even help me do my hair that day. So this time I want the whole thing dress, and everything although we are operating on a limited budget I have been buying things little by little everytime I see a sale I hit it

....I am doing the planning, doing my own flowers and the decorations. My needs this time is to do everything right and to have fun with it....FI is very supportive as he wants me to have that moment....my dad walking me down the aisle...what is really cool is I have 2 kids that will be a huge part in the planning process a daughter who is 14 who is one of my MOH and my son who is 10 who will be one FI best men......Good Luck everyone I am really enjoying everyones posts it is so comfortable here

2nd wedding, I have different needs and dreams this time around. Who else does?

Re: 2nd wedding, I have different needs and dreams this time around. Who else does?

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