Totally uneven inclusion of family/friends

Re: Totally uneven inclusion of family/friends

• vanityink member

  

  January 2013

  EIGHT ushers? What in heaven's name do you need 8 ushers for? Are you having a 500 person wedding? Honestly, "guest" is an honor too. Maybe get him to cut back on that craziness if anything.

  
  

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• zitiqueen member

  

  January 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_totally-uneven-inclusion-of-familyfriends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:02713f42-d9bd-4088-87a8-ea7c313a5378Post:9fd7ab29-f93c-4fdc-be89-a691047f15b1">Totally uneven inclusion of family/friends</a>:
  [QUOTE]So I am having a few concerns about the # of people involved in our wedding.  The immediate bridal party is the same (we each have 5 friends and then my brother and his sister), but he also wants to have 8 ushers and then 3 cousins and 2 nephews involved in the wedding (walking grandmothers/his mother down the aisle, etc).  And it is a little overwhelming to me, not only in the organization/coordination of all of those people, but<strong> it makes me a little sad that he gets to involve all of the people that are important to him in the wedding (and the rehersal dinner will then be 90% his family and friends), and I can't involve as many people that are are important to me in the process</strong>.  And I don't want to make up silly jobs just to include people, but I just needed to vent a little about this wedding starting to feel very focused on all of the people he wants to include, whereas I want to make it about us.  Not to mention that he thinks he needs to make everyone feel included, whereas I think that people being there and watch us get married and there celebrate with us is making them included.  I understand that he has a big family, and a lot of college roommates that he wants to include, but I am having a hard time dealing with all of this.  Any suggestions?  anyone have the same situation?
  Posted by dem068[/QUOTE]
  
  Why can't you?

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• LDubHawksFan member

  

  January 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_totally-uneven-inclusion-of-familyfriends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:02713f42-d9bd-4088-87a8-ea7c313a5378Post:9fd7ab29-f93c-4fdc-be89-a691047f15b1">Totally uneven inclusion of family/friends</a>:
  [QUOTE]So I am having a few concerns about the # of people involved in our wedding.  The immediate bridal party is the same (we each have 5 friends and then my brother and his sister), but he also wants to have 8 ushers and then 3 cousins and 2 nephews involved in the wedding (walking grandmothers/his mother down the aisle, etc).  And it is a little overwhelming to me, not only in the organization/coordination of all of those people, but it makes me a little sad that he gets to involve all of the people that are important to him in the wedding (and the rehersal dinner will then be 90% his family and friends), and I can't involve as many people that are are important to me in the process.  And I don't want to make up silly jobs just to include people, but I just needed to vent a little about this wedding starting to feel very focused on all of the people he wants to include, whereas I want to make it about us.  Not to mention that he thinks he needs to make everyone feel included, whereas I think that people being there and watch us get married and there celebrate with us is making them included.  I understand that he has a big family, and a lot of college roommates that he wants to include, but I am having a hard time dealing with all of this.  Any suggestions?  anyone have the same situation?
  Posted by dem068[/QUOTE]
  
  You have the right idea that being a guest is a honor too.  In my opinion, 8 ushers is entirely too many......even if you had the biggest wedding I've ever heard of.  Not everyone gets a job.  You can have people read at your ceremony, but that should be no more than 2 or 3 anyway.  Stick to your guns on not making up roles.  Also are you guys paying for any of it?  Every person that is involved in the ceremony and their SO has to go to the RD (assuming you have a rehearsal).  Gifts for 12 person WP is going to be expensive enough, but he wants to double that cost with gifts to the others.  Ultimately, that sounds like a nightmare, too, directing that many people.  You just have to explain to him again that it's an honor to be a guest.

  
  

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• Grozikn

  

  January 2013

  My FI felt like he had to make all of his good friends groomsman. He wanted them all to feel included too. I just talked to him and said you know just inviting them to the wedding is a great thing, they don't all have to be groomsman. And lord you don't need eight ushers, they would be tripping over each other! I mean we would have had at least ten groomsman. So I talked him down to his dad, two brothers and two very best friends. We also have his sister playing a song on guitar for the ceremony and my sister doing a reading. And my son and his good friend are ushers. But in the end you can't include everyone, I can see that being stressful and super hectic! Just sit down and talk to him, let him know it's stressing you out and that having that many people involved can make the day more stressful then it needs to be.

  

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• dem068 member

  

  January 2013

  Thanks!! gld to know I am not crazy for thinking that 8 ushers is insane   I know they will just be standing there with nothing to do anyway, so it would be silly to have that many.  I just don't think he has thought abou the logistics of all of this much, so it doens't realize how crazy it will be (plus the cost!) Thanks everyone!

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2013

  I think you need to have a heart to heart with your FI.  Like you, I think it is great that he has so many close friends and family members, but just because they are close does not mean that they all need to be involved.
  
  Has he asked all of these people yet?  If so, you are kind of stuck.  If not, tell him to hold off until the two of you really have a discussion.
  
  IMO, 8 ushers is ridiculous.  I can see MAYBE having his cousins and nephews help with escorting family members down the aisle but why the need for 8 ushers?  GMs can act as ushers.  Heck, ushers aren't even a necessity because last I knew adults can figure out how to find a seat and sit in it all by themselves.

  
  

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• libby2483 member

  

  January 2013

  Eight ushers is outrageous! I think you need to have a talk with your FI about how impractical this is from a monetary and logistical standpoint.

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• s-aries8990 member

  

  January 2013

  Any wedding I have been to where there are gents in suits escorting people, those gents were groomsmen, not just ushers.

   

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