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Shower Invites...FI-side or no?

heather0711heather0711
100 Comments
in Pre-wedding Parties
Hi ladies,
I don't think I've ever made a post on the board but I do lurk a lot. I know there are a ton of questions about who does and does not get invited to a shower but I was hopeing for a little bit more specific advice. 
My sisters (MOHs) will be "hosting" my shower but it will be held at my aunt's house. FMIL and I do not get along and I would honestly love if I didn't need to have her there. I know she will not throw me a shower for her side to attend, which is totally fine. So my mom and a few friends think it's completely acceptable to only have my sisters invite our side of the fam (not everyone, only the family I'm closest with) and my friends. Is this acceptable? I am leaning towards it being completely rude to not invite FMIL and SIL but like I said, it's not like I honestly want them there. I'd like to keep the peace but I also feel like if my sisters are honesting it at my aunts, there is no need to really invite her.

*side note*
FI is currently deployed so it's not really something I can discuss with him and after a "final guest list" fiasco, he needs some wedding recoup time. 
Also, the shower is not until the end of November (wedding in January). I'm way early on this, I know - just looking to see what others think. 

TIA! 
She's always wanted to be a princess and he's always wanted to be a hero; as fate would now have it, she is his princess and he is her hero *Semper Fi* Wedding Countdown Ticker
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Re: Shower Invites...FI-side or no?

  • ShakeUpTampaShakeUpTampa member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think if you extend the olive branch and invite them it will show you as the bigger person, if they decline they are the ones who look bad in a light. Starting a marriage off disliking the other partner's family is not a great thing. IF you choose not to invite and they get wind of it they might be even more snarky.
    Nichole Tampa, FL BabyFetus Ticker
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_shower-invitesfi-side?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:610e7d02-5e57-49f5-a336-9544dcec6800Post:221d8b4f-a5dd-4380-8019-cb02fd88f7e4">Shower Invites...FI-side or no?</a>:
    [QUOTE] I am leaning towards it being completely rude to not invite FMIL and SIL but like I said, it's not like I honestly want them there.
    Posted by heather0711[/QUOTE]

    Your instincts are right. The MOB and MOG should receive invitations to all showers. Imagine how your mom and sisters would feel if they found out they were left out. You don't say what she's done to you, but snubbing her will not make things better.
                       
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  • heather0711heather0711
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_shower-invitesfi-side?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:610e7d02-5e57-49f5-a336-9544dcec6800Post:0c83c504-d1e6-4059-b994-6a58647c037d">Re: Shower Invites...FI-side or no?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Shower Invites...FI-side or no? : Your instincts are right. The MOB and MOG should receive invitations to all showers. Imagine how your mom and sisters would feel if they found out they were left out. <strong>You don't say what she's done to you</strong>, but snubbing her will not make things better.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

    <div>I would be here all night compling you a list. </div><div>
    </div><div>Is it okay to just invite FIs mom and biological sister? He has 2 step-sisters, one I've never met (she does not have good relationship with any members of the family), the other only a handful of times. </div>
    She's always wanted to be a princess and he's always wanted to be a hero; as fate would now have it, she is his princess and he is her hero *Semper Fi* Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I don't think there's a hard and fast rule about step-siblings. You could ask your fi how he feels about it. If he doesn't have a close relationship with them, you could probably skip them.
                       
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  • jerseydeviljerseydevil member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I definitely think that you should invite the FMIL and FSIL and be the bigger person.

    In my situation, I invited some of FI's cousins and aunts because I've gotten to know them a bit.
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  • Hellokatie0517Hellokatie0517 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_shower-invitesfi-side?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:610e7d02-5e57-49f5-a336-9544dcec6800Post:8d1454df-8eb1-4b2f-bc40-32969b088b79">Re: Shower Invites...FI-side or no?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I definitely think that you should invite the FMIL and FSIL and be the bigger person. <strong>In my situation, I invited some of FI's cousins and aunts because I've gotten to know them a bit.</strong>
    Posted by jerseydevil[/QUOTE]

    Same here.  When I put together a list of people for my MOH, I put only FIs family that I've gotten to know.  The people you see at holidays and such.  As far as the others go, some of whom I've never met, I'll see them at the wedding.

    As PP said, be the bigger person and extend and olive branch.  If FMIL wants to be a d**che then that's on her.

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  • heather0711heather0711
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thank you all. I figured I should really just go with my gut and this keeps FI out of the middle of anything too. 
    She's always wanted to be a princess and he's always wanted to be a hero; as fate would now have it, she is his princess and he is her hero *Semper Fi* Wedding Countdown Ticker
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