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I’ve cried too much…just ridiculous (Rant)

I am 100% done with my FI’s parents. I think they are trying on purpose to make me live through hell. To my face they are the nicest people (well too my face when they are speaking English). As soon as I am gone they go off on every part of me that they can pick out at the moment. They could care less that their son is happy with me. I’ve tried my best to be the adult and let it go, but I am now at my breaking point. They have ruined a pretty alright day for me. My FI is back home in Belgium and I knew he was having dinner with them and when it got to be 10pm his time and I had not heard from him I knew something was up with them. He had written them a letter this weekend finally standing up to them and I knew at some point this week he was going to give it to them. Well they apparently started before he could even give them the letter.

Forever they have been saying that I will be a horrible wife. According to them I can’t clean, when the fact is when I was in Belgium living with him I kept his place beautiful and he never had to lift a finger. Then I am fat, which I’m like duh I know this I look in the mirror everyday. I guess that they don’t like that he loves me the way I am. They act like I am not trying to lose weight when I am on Weight Watchers and putting a ton of effort forward. I am not losing weight for them either, but for me because I have a bad family history that has led to death. Also I want to be at my healthiest when he and I decide to have children. Next they say I am not trying to be apart of their culture. They act like I can wake up in the morning and automatically be acclimated to everything they do. For the Belgian society his parents are stuck up and posh because I have Belgian friends who say that his parents are crazy in their opinions of how I should dress and act. This coming year in college, my last year, I am taking French classes which I do not need to graduate and are 5 units wasted of my time and I have to buy the expensive books and that is all for them and they say I am not trying. They act like it is easy to walk into another culture in another country and fit right in. I was scared out of my mind living there in another culture without anyone I knew around me besides my FI.

They laid into him today about me and of course he told me. I am to the point where I don’t want to have to deal with them. I am going to Belgium next month for a few weeks and I told him if I don’t have to I will not be going to their house or spending time with them. I really don’t want to get to the point where I will go off on them. He says I should spend more alone time with them, but I really don’t think at this point it is a good idea because I am past tolerating them and I really don’t want to do anything I will regret. I am the kindest person around, but if you cross me too many times I will finally snap.

A couple weeks ago his mother told him that we can be together forever, but we don’t need to get married. His parents have been married for 40 years, but they are encouraging him to not get married. I told him that in that statement from his mother I feel that in that 40 years she and his father are not happy. I think they are trying to tell him that they don’t want him to make the same mistake they did, but without saying they made a mistake.

I told him today I am over them and they are always invited to the wedding. If they choose to come they will still be allowed to be involved and they will be welcome with open arms, but as soon as they start anything I will have them escorted to their hotel and they can deal with getting to the airport and back to Belgium on their own. I am 100% done. I have been the nicest girl to them since he and I were barely dating. I want to have a close family setting with them, but as long as they want to make me miserable I will not deal with them.

"Ever Thine, Ever Mine, Ever Ours"
Janae & Olivier


Re: I’ve cried too much…just ridiculous (Rant)

  • tyboydtyboyd member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I am so sincerely sorry that you're dealing with this! I don't have any words of advice for you, but I know that you will get through this. Don't let them stress you out, because if you let them, they will!!!
  • KMB611KMB611 member
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry to hear what's going on between you and your FI's parents. For many parents, it's not about their children being happy. I don't even know him and I see that he's happy when he's with you just by how he smiles in the pictures you have posted. Also, you can't immerse yourself in a totally different culture overnight. It takes time to understand customs, practices, and traditions of other cultures. Right now you have to do what's best for your sanity. You seem to be making a big effort.

    If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you even though I'm on the other end of the country.
  • edited December 2011
    Don't let them get to you! You aren't getting married to his parents. As long as he stands up to them, you will be ok.
  • luckyinloveazluckyinloveaz member
    edited December 2011
    so so sorry you have to deal with this. I cannot say much that will make things better but as hard as it is, you and your fi love one another you cannot let anyone come between that LOVE!! Im glad he is being open with you and telling you what they spoke of, him being at your side and not against you is the best thing yet. Try not to stress over them 2 people. Perhaps they will come around.

    Girl you a beautiful person, if they cant see that, thats there bad. You be proud of the woman that you are and the wife that you will be. Your fi is a lucky man:)

    Stay positive and keep smiling!!

  • edited December 2011

    I'm soooo sorry your FI's family putting you through all of this.  Hang in there and know at the end of the day its about you'll love for one another. 

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  • ufsweetiebearufsweetiebear member
    edited December 2011
    Stay strong!
  • edited December 2011
    Thank You ladies. I have been ill since then. I'm trying wrap my mind around why they just can't be nice. I'm going to attempt to relax and go out to dinner with one of my BMs and get a drink.
    "Ever Thine, Ever Mine, Ever Ours"
    Janae & Olivier

  • edited December 2011
    Ignore his parents and keep it moving!

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  • edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. Don't let his parents stress you out and remember that you're marrying someone who loves you just the way you are. You're not marrying his parents so their opinions of you don't matter. All that matters is your happiness with the man of your dreams.
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  • edited December 2011
    Goodness!  FIL's attitudes suck!  However, do not let them pull you down.  FI loves you and it is very clear...I love the fact he stood up to his parents.  You are a beautiful woman and, in time, FILs will see the beauty that FI has grown to love.  Remember, while it would be nice to have a fantastic relationship with FILs, it is of most importaqnce you and FI keep and nourish the wonderful relationship that has led you to marry.  If FILs fail to do be adults and actually take the time to know you, it is their loss! 

    We are here for support!
  • edited December 2011
    Hi, I think you need to tell your FI to stop telling you all of the negative things they say avout you, you don't need to hear that whether its before you are married or after, If its something he needs your support about then yes but just them nitpicking you and putting you down by calling you fat is just unacceptable.  If they can not tell you their opinion to your face in english then tell him you don't want to hear it. What does it benefit you or your relationship to hear all of that negativity?  None, and they don't have to like you, or you like them but you can learn to be cordial with one another. 
  • leilahaustinleilahaustin member
    edited December 2011
    Hi.  I am so sorry you are going through this. My FI is Italian and it is a litte tough at tines.  His family area also very nice to me to my face but they do not want us to get married.  I can tell by their actions...oh and the fact that his mother said we should wait!

    They want a big Italian wedding and well their not getting that...

    Anyways, I have just told my FI that they are not included in the wedding plans.  They can not talk to me about it unless it is positive and he needs to be on my side at all times.

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  • miah_23_ncbmiah_23_ncb member
    edited December 2011
    they are real ignorant jerks. unfortunately they are his family & all you have to do is tolerate them. It is great that your FI stood up for you. It seems liek oyu are at your wits end w/ them. When you do have to be around them jsut kill them w/ kindness & hopefully they can learn to at least be cordial.
  • prncszprncsz member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry you have to go through this sometimes things like this happen with in-laws. I am blessed to have those that I have a great relationship with but in the beginning his mother didn't really care for me. Mainly because we didn't spend much time together so she didn't know me and didn't want me to hurt her son.

    Once she and I started spending time together and she got to know me she fell in love. Now she on the other hand never got along with her mother-in-law because the mother never accepted her. His dad was married before and she liked the first wife better. They were never able to have a good DIL/MIL relationship but she told me she did still respect her but kept her distance.

    Don't let them get to you and just use this as motivation to prove them wrong. You will be a good wife to their son and your marriage will last! "HUGS"
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  • edited December 2011
    aww i'm sorry you have to deal with this ingnorance!!  many blessings on your journey!!
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  • cincy2011cincy2011 member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    JKeyes, I am praying for you and your situation.  I would also pray for his parents - I know it seems crazy, but when I had major problems with someone at work, I started praying for her every night and asking God to soften her heart towards me and mine towards her.  It truly worked - within a month we were on much better terms.

    I also agree with a PP who said you may want to ask your FI to stop telling you all of the negative things they say.  You already know their supposed "issues" with you, and there is no need to keep rehashing the same mess over and over again.  It's just going to stress you out and will not help the situation at all.  I know he's sharing and trying to keep you in the loop, but I would ask to not hear all of the details. 

    Good luck and try to focus on you and FI, not his parents.  I know they're a big part of his life, but they will have to accept that you will be his wife soon and that was HIS decision to make!  We're here for you!
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  • DanielleB80DanielleB80 member
    edited December 2011
    So sorry you have to deal with this. Just continue to be the beautiful, sweet woman that you are. It is wonderful that your FI is standing up to them...he knows he has a gem. Don't let them get you down, and if they don't change...it's ultimately going be their loss.
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