Is it rude to attend just the reception?

SadieLouWho · March 2013

My boyfriends good friend is getting married, and we just received the invitation. The wedding is set for a Monday at 2:00pm. Not a holiday Monday. The reception is at 6:00pm in another (nearby) city.

At that point I will have been at my new job for only two months, and am not allowed to take a vacation day for the first three months. My boyfriend thinks I have to find a way to get the day off. If I really stretch it, and leave work an hour early, I can make just the reception.

Is it rude to attend only the reception? What about the fact that they're at different locations? Do I have to take a whole day off work to attend both the ceremony and reception? I don't know what my new boss will say if I try to get a day off so soon.

Jen4948 · March 2013

If you're really close to this friend, I'd try to attend both, but if not, is it possible for your BF to attend the wedding and reception, while you go just to the reception?

AddieCake · March 2013

I definitely don't think you should try to get the day off. If you aren't supposed to get a vacation day so soon, it looks bad if you try to ask for it off. If you can't make it until the reception, you can't make it. A 2:00 weekday ceremony is inconsiderate, if you ask me.

Pookieson · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-rude-to-attend-just-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b1cfe968-0fea-43b4-af31-cff600d806c7Post:db22b9a7-8587-4c65-bf1d-5fbc081f6bdb">Re: Is it rude to attend just the reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]If your choices are: 1) try to take the day off and possibly jeopardize keeping your new job or 2) Miss the wedding (or just go to the reception) I would miss the wedding and let your bf go solo. It's a Monday wedding (who does that??) and you want to impress your boss before you start asking for special favors.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

Totally agree.

daria24 · March 2013

When a couple chooses an inconvenient time on an inconvenient day, with an inconvenient gap, they need to accept that their guests might not be able to attend.

I think it's perfectly fine to only attend the reception, or to send your BF solo.

s-aries8990 · March 2013

Ditto Addie and Daria. I don't think you should have to jeopardize your new job for a wedding. Hopefully the couple knows how inconvenient they are being and won't give you a problem about it. If you can go to the reception, do that, apologizing for not attending the ceremony, but sometimes work comes before play! I'm sure they're expecting low ceremony attendance.

doiexist1987 · March 2013

Possibly consider flexing your hours if your boss will let you. I know my job allows us to flex our hours a bit. And my last job allowed employees to trade hours (even partial shifts) as long as it didnt create overtime. As long as you are a good worker I dont see an issue talking to your supervisor or boss and seeing what you can work out, but keep an open mind with it and dont get emotional. Worst they can say is no.

[Deleted User] · March 2013

If I were to plan a wedding on any day of the week except Saturday or Sunday, and it isn't a holiday, at 2:00 PM in the afternoon, I would be prepared as the Bride that there would probably be a fair amount of people who may not be able to get the time off of work to be able to attend. The only exception to this would be a destination wedding because then obviously everyone is already off from work.

When you get to the reception, just tell them I'm sorry I missed your ceremony, I'm sure it was beautiful but I just started a new job and I can't take any time off yet. You're being honest & & BF will just have to deal with it.

Calypso1977 · March 2013

in this case, id say no it isnt rude.

MrsGandthebeag · March 2013

Who has a 2pm ceremony on a week day and then a gap that large? You are fine to just go to the reception in this case.

MuppetOverlord · March 2013

a 2:00 reception on a Monday....a non-holiday Monday... I'm with Addie.

Just go to the reception, I bet they won't even notice that you missed the ceremony. If they wanted more people to come to the ceremony on a Monday, they should select a more reasonable time slot.

SadieLouWho · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-rude-to-attend-just-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b1cfe968-0fea-43b4-af31-cff600d806c7Post:ecba7b04-7465-47cb-aede-b726ad9d11ac">Re: Is it rude to attend just the reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Possibly consider flexing your hours if your boss will let you. I know my job allows us to flex our hours a bit. And my last job allowed employees to trade hours (even partial shifts) as long as it didnt create overtime. As long as you are a good worker I dont see an issue talking to your supervisor or boss and seeing what you can work out, but keep an open mind with it and dont get emotional. Worst they can say is no.
Posted by doiexist1987[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Unfortunately in my new position there isn't any trading of hours or flex-shifts. In my department it's just me and my supervisor. There isn't anyone else to take my hours.</div><div>
</div><div>Thank you ladies for all your suggestions! BF can go to ceremony alone and I'll join them at the reception, and give my apologies to the bride and groom. It's not risking getting into my bosses bad-books after only two months on the job.</div>

Simply Fated · March 2013

Either this couple is very selfcentered and thinks everyone should take off from work to attend their wedding or they planned it knowing people might not be able to attend the ceremony. I'm hoping it's the second thing. I'm sure it is. I would never want anyone to jeopardize their job for my wedding and assuming these are rational people, they'll be understanding, too, if you skip the ceremony.

fuerst37 · March 2013

Generally I'm against people skipping the ceremony and only going to the reception, but it seems to me that a two o'clock Monday ceremony is a different kettle of fish, and the bride likely knows her untraditional timing may be awkward.

I think in your case you could skip the ceremony and still head to the reception, but you might just send your boyfriend solo too. That way he could attend the whole shebang, and you'd go to work Tuesday well-rested.

Amyzen83 · March 2013

Under normal circumstances if it were a Saturday/Sunday wedding I would think it's rude to just attend the reception, just like it's rude for the Bride and Groom to only invite some guests to the wedding but not the reception especially since money is involved.

In YOUR situation I think it's fine to attend the reception because they did pick an extremely inconvenient time to have their wedding. What are they thinking? Maybe they don't want some people to come to the wedding which is why they chose such an inconvenient time. I was kind of in the same boat you are in. I had JUST started a new job, but it sucked because I had to work Fri Sat and Sun. I needed it because I needed the money and it was good paying and in my field. I think you should focus on your job, because life happens before, after and DURING a wedding. The wedding that's not even your own should not jepardize YOUR job where you are trying to earn a living. I was pissed when my bridezilla friend could not understand that. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices.

lyndausvi · March 2013

I see no problem with just attending the reception. Even on a Saturday or Sundaysometimes real life gets in the way.

I always worked weekends, so I kind-of get annoyed that peope think I should take time off of work or miss the reception just because I could not witness the ceremony.

hgminor · March 2013

I'm assuming from that 4 hour gap between the ceremony a reception start times that the reception was pushed to six for people who do have to work to still attend the reception... Are they involved in a job that does alternate weekends? I know of a few weddings that were on weekdays because the bride and groom both worked weekends: nurses and doctors. I also know someone who works for a county paper, so her off days are Sunday and Monday because they need her for Saturday sports and things. Regardless, I have a feeling they expected this, and that's why there's a gap, so I don't think you need to be worried about just attending the reception.

jemmini6 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-rude-to-attend-just-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b1cfe968-0fea-43b4-af31-cff600d806c7Post:16551fe8-5fc6-466d-8755-4158f0dfd377">Re:Is it rude to attend just the reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Either this couple is very selfcentered and thinks everyone should take off from work to attend their wedding or <strong>they planned it knowing people might not be able to attend the ceremony.</strong> I'm hoping it's the second thing. I'm sure it is. I would never want anyone to jeopardize their job for my wedding and assuming these are rational people, they'll be understanding, too, if you skip the ceremony.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

<div>This is more what it sounds like to me, especially because of the gap. I'd think they don't expect many people to attend the ceremony, but may have wanted to make it slightly more convenient for people to attend the reception? Either way, I think this is one of the circumstances where it's not rude to attend the reception only. </div>

mlg78 · March 2013

Not only is she having a weekday afternoon reception but there's like a 3 1/2 hour space between the wedding & reception? This bride is an etiquette failure!

Your boyfriend should attend if possible...otherwise just attend the reception.

GoodLuckBear14 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-rude-to-attend-just-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b1cfe968-0fea-43b4-af31-cff600d806c7Post:9b98c065-cf8a-40e5-871a-391705e1b150">Re: Is it rude to attend just the reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Under normal circumstances if it were a Saturday/Sunday wedding I would think it's rude to just attend the reception</strong>, just like it's rude for the Bride and Groom to only invite some guests to the wedding but not the reception especially since money is involved. In YOUR situation I think it's fine to attend the reception because they did pick an extremely inconvenient time to have their wedding. What are they thinking? Maybe they don't want some people to come to the wedding which is why they chose such an inconvenient time. I was kind of in the same boat you are in. I had JUST started a new job, but it sucked because I had to work Fri Sat and Sun. I needed it because I needed the money and it was good paying and in my field. I think you should focus on your job, because life happens before, after and DURING a wedding. The wedding that's not even your own should not jepardize YOUR job where you are trying to earn a living. I was pissed when my bridezilla friend could not understand that. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices.
Posted by Amyzen83[/QUOTE]

You're assuming everyone works 9-5 M-F.

loca4pook · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-rude-to-attend-just-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b1cfe968-0fea-43b4-af31-cff600d806c7Post:426cee26-05f6-4b9f-be83-bc905887384f">Is it rude to attend just the reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]My boyfriends good friend is getting married, and we just received the invitation. The wedding is set for a Monday at 2:00pm. Not a holiday Monday. The reception is at 6:00pm in another (nearby) city. At that point I will have been at my new job for only two months, and am not allowed to take a vacation day for the first three months. My boyfriend thinks I have to find a way to get the day off. If I really stretch it, and leave work an hour early, I can make just the reception. Is it rude to attend only the reception? What about the fact that they're at different locations? Do I have to take a whole day off work to attend both the ceremony and reception? I don't know what my new boss will say if I try to get a day off so soon.
Posted by SadieLouWho[/QUOTE]

I think it is fine. In my circle of friends, it is rather common esp if there is a gap between ceremony and reception.

NOLAbridealmost · March 2013

It's not rude to miss the ceremony for a legitimate reason. I would imagine that 90% of the time those who only attend the reception have a reason for it... In theory, the people you care about enough to invite to your wedding will also care about you and not just flagrantly skip the ceremony for no reason....if they do, maybe they shouldn't be your friends at all because that sort of says "I don't give a crap" But there's nothing rude about trying to get there for the reception to celebrate the marriage if someone who can't make the ceremony is able to get to the reception later.

lyndausvi · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-rude-to-attend-just-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b1cfe968-0fea-43b4-af31-cff600d806c7Post:cad62a38-52d0-495b-9e28-75827beaf3f2">Re: Is it rude to attend just the reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it rude to attend just the reception? : You're assuming everyone works 9-5 M-F.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

Thank you.

On a different note, I skip a ceremony once because I was at a reception for another wedding I had the same day.. Call me a b!tch but I choose to attend 1 ceremony and 2 receptions than 2 ceremonies and 1 receptions. I can't hang with the couple at the ceremony, but I can at the reception. So I choose to attend the event I could personally hang out with him.

beardownbchs · March 2013

I agree with PPs, in this case, it's not rude. It's not worth looking bad at your job. Last summer I skipped the ceremony for a 1:00 ceremony and a 7:00 reception. I think the B&G knew a lot of people would have to do that - their RSVPs had "___Will attend the cremony and ____will attend the reception".

kmmssg · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-rude-to-attend-just-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b1cfe968-0fea-43b4-af31-cff600d806c7Post:b5c15e55-ccd7-426c-8f69-71de76eaac58">Re: Is it rude to attend just the reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]When a couple chooses an inconvenient time on an inconvenient day, with an inconvenient gap, they need to accept that their guests might not be able to attend. I think it's perfectly fine to only attend the reception, or to send your BF solo.
Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]

<div>Ditto this exactly.</div>

aquari0216 · March 2013

WORK OMES FIRST.....If they cant understand then they should kick rocks

Amyzen83 · March 2013

"WORK OMES FIRST.....If they cant understand then they should kick rocks"

Agreed! I got annoyed when the friend I mentioned earlier got pissy with me for starting a new job which happened to be 9am-6pm Fri Sat and Sun. I originally tried to get normal weekday hours when I first got them because that meant no church for me on Sundays, and the bosses couldn't even understand that. What made HER PPD more important? I also needed the job and the $$.

Amyzen83 · March 2013

"You're assuming everyone works 9-5 M-F."

I'm not assuming anything, I understand some people work weird hours and there are important non-negotiable things come up. But I do think it's rude and disrespectful to the couple if you choose to only show up for the free meals, cake and party but miss the whole point of why they are having the celebration if it's because of a convenience thing ex:Wedding ends at 12:30, reception starts at 5pm. Or you just don't prefer to sit through the ceremony part. I do think it is acceptable to come to the ceremony but not stay for the reception if you indicate it on your RSVP card that you are unable to stay. That way the couple isn't spending money on a plate or placesetting that will not be occupied.

Is it rude to attend just the reception?

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