MOH Titles?

Ready2BMrsWade · September 2010

So I have an interesting problem, I'm sure some other people have has as well. I have ALWAYS wanted my big sister to be my maid of honor (well Matron now because she is married), but since her marriage she moved 3 states away and wont be able to be involved much in the planning process. Two of my other BM are my best friends and the last is a close cousin who live in the same town, will come dress shopping, are helping with planning, all that jazz that I believe is "normal MOH" stuff. So how to go about this whole "MOH" business? I still want my sister to be the one standing next to me, I was her MOH, and that, but I don't want to offend the friends who will have been the ones who are helping me for the next 9 months with planning by not giving them the title. Or am I borrowing trouble?

eshaufle · September 2010

Since it's neither your MOH's nor your BM's job to help you plan your wedding anyways, then I don't see the problem with your sister being your MOH still...

My MOH lives about 3 hours away from me and honestly the only wedding-related thing she did was go dress shopping with me one time. It was so nice of her to want to do that but in no way did I expect her to do that. So distance really doesn't matter because they'll only need to travel for the actual wedding and maybe a pre-wedding party or 2...not for all the planning. That's for you and your FI only. Anyone else is just an appreciated volunteer.

BeeBee22 · September 2010

Please read (the many, many) previous posts before you ask about a subject that gets discussed several times a day. Short answer: your BMs are not expected to help you plan. That's for you, your FI, and perhaps your parents (depending). Your MOH should be the person closest to you, not your professional wedding planner.

If you want your sister standing next to you, either she's your MOH, or you have them all be BMs.

Ready2BMrsWade · September 2010

Sorry to repost, I didn't see this particular issue anywhere. And it was not at all that I was insisting they help with anything, they have just asked and wanted to help with things, that my sister is unable to do since she is far away. My question was more wondering if, since they did VOLUNTEER to help, if you think they would be offended if they are not called a MOH when the person with that title is doing very little other than showing up.

bablingbrooke · September 2010

If people volunteer to help, they aren't expecting a title in return. They are doing something nice out of the goodness of their hearts. It would be eminently appropriate for you to do something for them to show your appreciation for their help. But you don't owe them the title MOH, since MOH isn't the chief wedding planner. You need to lose the negative tone that your MOH is "only" showing up. She lives out of state. What do you expect?

Ready2BMrsWade · September 2010

K, apparently I come off differently than I intended because I am over-joyed that my sister is coming to my wedding, I swear I am not some psycho bridezillla. I got jumped on for asking what I thought was an honest question, that as a BM would you be offended to have done more work (by your own desire) than the MOH who is only able to come to the actual wedding weekend, to not be given a more 'special' title? I realize some people abuse their poor BM's which is not my intent at all, but it has been my understanding that they often are willing to help with some of the wedding stuff, which, awesomely, my friends/BM's are.

bablingbrooke · September 2010

No one's accusing you of abusing your WP or being a bridezilla. Nowhere did I see that. Your tone sounded a little upset that the MOH is just showing up. Which is why clarity in presentation is key when writing. Sorry to have misunderstood.

gottahavashorti · September 2010

Keep your sister as MOH. None of those things are obligatory and your friends are doing them by their own choice, so they shouldn't be offended when they aren't asked to be MOH.

trix1223 · September 2010

I'd be inclined to wonder what kind of "friends" would begrudge someone having her sister as her MOH whether she was available to help plan or not.

eshaufle · September 2010

Sorry that we misinterpreted your tone. It did come off a bit like you were upset that your sister was not helping because she was far away so that's why the responses were how they were. Thank you for clarifying what you were asking.

Your friends won't expect the title MOH just because they're helping you voluntarily. It's totally understandable that you'd want your sister as MOH.

aerinpegadrak · September 2010

I would hope that your friends are helping you with the wedding because they genuinely want to make you happy and to make the day special for you, not to be rewarded with an arbitrary title. Definitely be sure to give them a heartfelt thanks, and perhaps you can take them out to dinner or something as an additional appreciation for what they've done. Our groomswoman was extremely eager to help with the wedding, so I listed her under the "special thanks" section of the program as well as with the WP.

mbcdefg · September 2010

If someone is being particularly helpful to you, then hopefully she's doing it because she really just wants to help out. Not because she's expecing a reward in return.

Plus, bestowing a one-day, essentially meaningless title on someone really isn't the be-all, end-all show of appreciation. If someone is pissy because she helped you out a lot and didn't get the MOH title as a reward, then that's just really sad on her part. Only a nutbar would be offended by not being named the MOH in that situation.

If you want to show your appreciation for their kindness, I would personally suggest taking the time to verbally thank them for their help. You could also write them a note, give them a small gift in private, and/or take them out for lunch, dinner or a round of drinks as a gesture of gratitude. Or do a favor for them in the future and pay it forward. I think a sincere show of your appreciation would mean a LOT more to these helpful friends than just giving them a title for your wedding.

Jennifer&Nate · September 2010

I understand what you mean. It's very generous of your friends to help you plan! But if you go ahead and give out "titles" from the beginning, you'll make sure that your friends aren't secretly thinking they'll earn the MOH title by helping more. That's probably not what's going on here, though. Enjoy the help from your close friends! If they really love you, they won't get hung up on the MOH/BM distinction and will just be thrilled that you're so happy!

heyimbren · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-titles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:5583eaf2-deec-46a5-83b2-99694b530645Post:0808347b-761c-4fd1-9979-39e581d6ec7b">Re: MOH Titles?</a>:
[QUOTE]K, apparently I come off differently than I intended because I am over-joyed that my sister is coming to my wedding, I swear I am not some psycho bridezillla. I got jumped on for asking what I thought was an honest question, that <strong>as a BM would you be offended to have done more work (by your own desire) than the MOH who is only able to come to the actual wedding weekend, to not be given a more 'special' title?</strong> I realize some people abuse their poor BM's which is not my intent at all, but it has been my understanding that they often are willing to help with some of the wedding stuff, which, awesomely, my friends/BM's are.
Posted by Ready2BMrsWade[/QUOTE]

Nope, not offended at all. I helped out my friend with a lot of sorting through planning and information at the beginning and I'm "only" a BM, and I have noooo problem with that whatsoever. Titles really aren't a big deal.

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