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Inviting people to shower, not wedding

nicolem1311nicolem1311 member
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in Pre-wedding Parties
Help!
I have a bridal shower that my FMIL is throwing for me in just over a week. Im not entirely sure who she invited, as most of her family lives out of town. Well, I just found out tonight that at least one lady she invited to the shower is not on our wedding guest list. Which makes me think there could be more.
This is sooooo rude to do! Especially since I have never met some of these women and my fianc only kind of knows them.
We do not have the budget to add on extra people and the invites go out in less than a week. I would say maybe she can fork over some money so those people can be invited to the wedding, but she doesn't have any money to put towards the wedding.
Now what do I do?!? I don't want these women to look at me as greedy, even though I wasn't planning on them being invited anyways
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Re: Inviting people to shower, not wedding

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    harjessharjess member
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    Ladies that are coming to my shower are not invited to the wedding, but really wanted to be included in the showers and parties. They all know our wedding is very small and not EVERYONE is invited. Good luck. :)
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    pkontkpkontk member
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    I would politely tell your FMIL that you're worried they might see you as rude for including them in the shower but not the wedding, hopefully she can try to smooth things over.  However, if her name is on the shower invitation my guess is that she will be thought of as the rude one, not you.
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    HobokensFuryHobokensFury member
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    While this is rude, it wasn't your fault.  I'd probably let FMIL look foolish and not worry about it.
     
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    Bonnie27Bonnie27 member
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    You are way over thinking this!  I'm having a small wedding and I'm having a shower where about 90% of the guests are not invited to the wedding.  Most people completely understand and I don't see how this is rude at all.  In fact, most people have told me that they are glad to be included in the pre-wedding parties because they know that we are having a small wedding and our guest list is very tight.  It's your wedding, you invite who you want.  The shower is just a bonus! 
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    kmmssgkmmssg mod
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_inviting-people-to-shower-not-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:a62ce368-fd7a-4a56-906a-ff42361c652fPost:63be4d79-854a-4ca7-ab23-833b41a91163">Re: Inviting people to shower, not wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]You are way over thinking this!  I'm having a small wedding and I'm having a shower where about 90% of the guests are not invited to the wedding.  Most people completely understand and I don't see how this is rude at all.  In fact, most people have told me that they are glad to be included in the pre-wedding parties because they know that we are having a small wedding and our guest list is very tight.  It's your wedding, you invite who you want.  The shower is just a bonus! 
    Posted by Bonnie27[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ok, everything about this is just wrong.  It is NEVER acceptable to invite people to prewedding parties and not the wedding/reception.  They will be nice and tell you it is fine, but it is incredibly rude.  "Hey, come to this party where you are expected to bring a gift, but we don't love you enough to pay for your dinner and spend time with you at your reception."  Absolutely rude.</div>
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    SB1512SB1512 member
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    Agree that this is not your fault, the blame and rudeness falls on your FMIL.  If you don't have the room or budget to add this one woman to the wedding guestlist your FMIL will look poorly, not you. 
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    mrspadfootmrspadfoot member
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    I can't agree with PP who say that it's unacceptable, because I am from an area where it's common that the parents of the bride and groom to invite their friends to the shower, even if they are not on the bride and groom's guestlist. It's also accepted in our area to not receive multiple gifts from people who attend both your shower, and your wedding.

    Maybe we just do things backwards here in Hicktown, Ontario.

    I do suggest letting FMIL take the fall for that though. I'd make sure that the invitations go out with her name on them, that way she will be the foolish one.
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