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adding a MOH...tacky?

curleyemcurleyem
in Wedding Party
I set my wedding party months ago, but my MOH just got 4 days notice that she has to deploy with the USMC.  She doesn't see any reason she won't be home for the May wedding, but she may not be around to finish planning the bridal shower or the bachelorette party.  Is it inappropriate for me to have 2 MOH and for me to ask one of my other great friends to step up and be a MOH instead of just the bridesmaid I already asked her to be?
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Re: adding a MOH...tacky?

  • stina93446stina93446 member
    2500 Comments
    A shower and a b party are not mandatory parties. Some of your bms can help her even though she is away. But you shouldn't be included in this planning. I don't think you need another moh for this. Have her speak with your bms.
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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
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    Yes, it's VERY tacky.

    The reason you choose a MOH is because she's your closest friend. Not because of the parties she can throw for you. It is not the MOH's responsibility to throw the parties, nor is it a bride's entitlement to receive them. The reason that it's typically the MOH who organizes them is because the MOH is usually the bride's closest friend ... therefore, it's only natural that the best friend is typically the one who wants to throw parties for the bride.

    Your USMC friend says she can be back for the wedding, so as long as she is there for the wedding then she's fulfilled her obligations to you as MOH. It would probably hurt her very deeply to find out that you've appointed a co-MOH because you wanted parties thrown for you.

    Naming someone as MOH doesn't automatically mean that they will throw you a shower/bachelorette. Anyone who wants to throw you one will do so, regardless of whether she's a MOH or even a bridesmaid. If she doesn't want to throw you one, then you won't be getting one even if you ask her to be a Maid of Honor.

    So keep your original MOH, and wait to see what happens. If your other friends want you to have a shower/bachelorette, then they will throw them for you. If not, then you unfortunately won't get them. It stinks if you don't, but it is NEVER appropriate to ask someone to throw them for you. Because, again, it's not your entitlement ... it's a gift. And as I'm sure you know, it's not appropriate to tell people that you want them to give you a gift.
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  • SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
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    The other BMs can help her if they want to without being MOH. If they can't, then you don't get either party, and its not the end of the world. Don't dishonor your honorable friend.
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  • gottahavashortigottahavashorti member
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    IMO it's inappropriate based on those reasons.  If you absolutely could not decide between two friends to be MOH, then it would be appropriate to have 2 MOH.

    A MOH doesn't have to plan a shower or bachelorette and it's not a requirement to have one.  But your other BMs may decide to plan parties for you.
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