This cannot be happening!!!!!

kgayle2001 · July 2012

ok, so I text one of my BM today to confirmed that everything was all good. My wedding is August 4 and she is travelling from Fl. T ha last time I spoke with her she said that her dress was purchase and she had her ticket, she even told me what time she will be arriving. So I can't understand her story today that she has bad news her job got a letter today that they are garnishing her wage. I know that's bad and all but what that got to do with me. I am so upset right now not sure what do. She said that she was going to call me when she gets off work at 6 I'm still waiting. What are my options here? I can't replace a BM in 7 days they need to order their dress, shoe etc I'm so bummed out right now not sure what to do. I really don't want this to ruin my day. Any advice?

katehar01 · July 2012

Why don't you call her? Do you know for sure she's dropping out? If she is, I understand being upset, but try to be understanding if it's a work issue. Be there for her as a friend, not just a bride, you know?
If she can't be there, don't replace her. You couldn't get a dress in time, anyway, and the new BM would know she was a last-minute choice. Uneven sides are fine. This will only ruin your day if you let it!

DeClue82 · July 2012

If her ticket and dress are purchased, it probably won't effect your day. But you need to be there for your BM as much as you want her to be there for you. It might be your wedding, but she has something big going on and she probably wants to talk to her friend... Not her friend the bride who is freaking out that her BM line up isn't what she pictured. Make sure that you are understanding to whatever her situation is now, and see what she is thinking. She might be upset and nervous herself, so try not to kill her with questions about you wedding...

[Deleted User] · July 2012

Exactly what PP said.

libby2483 · July 2012

Yep, PPs are spot on, especially the part about not replacing her. Doing so will only hurt her feelings and the feelings of the person you ask to replace her.

kgayle2001 · July 2012

I don't think she would care. I'm not sure why her wage getting garnish today should affect anything if she already purchase her dress and ticket. I'm sorry am not buying it. She said she would call me at 6 nothing yet.

smilesavy · July 2012

seriously...you need to realize your day is not what the world revolves around. Your friend...someone you asked to stand next to you when you get married is going through a difficult time. And you don't trust her?! WOW...maybe she shouldn't be standing next to you. How about picking up a phone and see how she is doing and forgetting about your wedding for a minute.

KT020803 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_this-cannot-be-happening?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:f95b1280-fd33-4719-b521-8e995f9ccd5bPost:abda0e24-cd46-4526-a30a-fe22fb3fad73">Re: This cannot be happening!!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]seriously...you need to realize your day is not what the world revolves around. Your friend...someone you asked to stand next to you when you get married is going through a difficult time. And you don't trust her?! WOW...maybe she shouldn't be standing next to you. How about picking up a phone and see how she is doing and forgetting about your wedding for a minute.
Posted by smilesavy[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>ditto to This. </div><div>I know it's another thing to add to your thoughts, but 3 years ago I was in one of my best friends from college's wedding. Her wedding took place 2 months after all 6 bridesmaids and the bride graduated from college together. I tried talking to her about expenses and how I needed to still find a job to pay off my loans and she used the phrase "but this will be the most important day in my life" our friendship has never been the same since. We still talk but we went 6 months after her wedding without speaking because my pride was so hurt that she didn't respect what I was going through at the time. </div>

ohnoitskaroljo · July 2012

Yeah you sound like a bridezilla right now. Have you ever had financial trouble like that? Show a little compassion and respect for your friend. Be there for her, don't be so selfish. It's not going to ruin your day if ONE bridesmaid isn't there because of personal troubles. AND from the sounds of it she didnt' say she wasn't going to be there - what I got from your post about what she said is just that she had bad news - not necessarily for your wedding but for HER.

kgayle2001 · July 2012

I don't I'm overacting people u guys don't need to judge me unless you have been in my position. If she was my friend she would have call me at 6 yesterday like she promise. I did not go off on her instead I came here to vent. I sent her a text today asking to call me so we can talk I even offer her assistant if she needs it and still no call or text. And u say I'm the B. I wonder still waiting on that call or an explanation or just courtesy of telling me if you coming or not. Still waiting.

Lobsters25 · July 2012

She probably feels terrible and doesn't even know what to say. And for all you know, she read your post on the TK - it's happened to people before. Put yourself in her shoes and imagine how she feels right now, less money may mean less time she can afford to take off, and I bet you she could really use a friend right now.

FlintstonePearl · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_this-cannot-be-happening?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:f95b1280-fd33-4719-b521-8e995f9ccd5bPost:49d429b4-a686-453c-9ca8-b597c5996021">Re:This cannot be happening!!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't I'm overacting people u guys don't need to judge me unless you have been in my position. <strong>If she was my friend she would have call me at 6 yesterday like she promise.</strong> I did not go off on her instead I came here to vent. I sent her a text today asking to call me so we can talk I even offer her assistant if she needs it and still no call or text. And u say I'm the B.<strong> I wonder still waiting on that call or an explanation or just courtesy of telling me if you coming or not. Still waiting</strong>.
Posted by kgayle2001[/QUOTE]

You are in the bridezilla zone right now. Be a friend and *call her* with some sympathy for whatever is going on at her job. Your wedding anxiety should be secondary right now.

kgayle2001 · July 2012

What a bunch of hypocrites you guys are!!!!!!! It’s like you guys aren’t even reading my post because you want to be “holier than thou”. I’ll love to see the way some of you would react if the shoes were on the other foot, it’s easy to judge and criticize when it’s not you. No she is not reading the knot, and no, I did not get upset with her, and yes I reached out to her all day today. Have anyone think about why if she was truly a friend she wouldn’t call me explain the situation. You can’t just text somebody the week before their wedding and say “I have bad news they are going to garnish my wage will call you after work and never call. And to make things worst she is ignoring all my calls and text so what does that tells me.

ChristineNB · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_this-cannot-be-happening?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:f95b1280-fd33-4719-b521-8e995f9ccd5bPost:a84f772b-3f4c-4b62-8863-a2d2902b0fde">Re: This cannot be happening!!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]What a bunch of hypocrites you guys are!!!!!!! It’s like you guys aren’t even reading my post because you want to be “holier than thou”. I’ll love to see the way some of you would react if the shoes were on the other foot, it’s easy to judge and criticize when it’s not you. No she is not reading the knot, and no, I did not get upset with her, and yes I reached out to her all day today. Have anyone think about why if she was truly a friend she wouldn’t call me explain the situation. You can’t just text somebody the week before their wedding and say “I have bad news they are going to garnish my wage will call you after work and never call. And to make things worst she is ignoring all my calls and text so what does that tells me.
Posted by kgayle2001[/QUOTE]
It sounds to me like your bridesmaid is going through a very stressful time and your contstantly trying to call/text may just be adding to her stress. Give her a day or two. Maybe she is trying to figure out a plan B for her finances, such as a second job or a new job. Right now your bridesmaid's priorities are making sure she is able to pay her bills. I would text her something considerate like you are sorry to hear what she is going through and that you are there when she needs to talk and then leave it alone. Just because she said she'd call you doesn't mean she owes you an explanation of what is going on with her job and finances.

ohnoitskaroljo · July 2012

We'd understand and be a bridezilla like you if we were going through this?

OK - check this - one of my bridesmaids has been something of a flake and hasn't responded to me or talked to me for weeks at a time - actually we've only talked a handful times since I asked her to be a bridesmaid a year ago. She wasn't at my bridalshower because she had a family reunion that weekend - and I have NOT ONCE freaked out on her or threw a b!tch fit like you're doing now. She texted me a week or two ago to let me know she may or may not be bringing her b/f because they might be breaking up - what did I say? NO WORRIES! Just do what makes you happy and bring whoever you want.

Why? BECAUSE IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD!!! So what if I have to change a name on a placemarker or remove it all together? I'm marrying my best friend, the love of my life - the rest of this sh!t doesn't even matter in the grand scheme of things. It's ONE day out of the rest of my life and the day isn't going to crumble if she's not there / brings someone else / has a little drama, etc. I told her I'm there for her and not to sweat the wedding or who she will or won't bring because I'm HER friend (not her b/f's) and it's not a big deal for me - I told her to do whatever makes her happy.

You need to put yourself in check and be a good friend to your bridesmaid who is clearly going through a rough time right now. Back off and let her come to you. For now, make plans that she might not be in attendance. Prepare yourself for that and chill out because the world won't end if she can't make it. You'll have uneven sides - big whoop. IF anyone asks - merely say that she had some personal things come up and couldn't make it and leave it at that.

smsaifyr · July 2012

OP- Take a deep breath. Other posters are correct. You need to be supportive in a time like this for your friend. Uneven wedding parties are not uncommon.

Life happens, for everyone. My MOH will not be able to attend our wedding. She got accepted to a top medical school that she did not think she would get into and had to leave this weekend. She was broken hearted that she could not leave a week later after the wedding. I fully supported her not attending the wedding, she needs to follow her dreams and deal with her life.

I will miss her big time at our wedding; she is my best friend. I will miss her support and words of wisdom. Not how she rounds out my wedding party.

transcriber87 · July 2012

I believe with all PP's up there! Maybe she isn't responding to your texts because of a family emergency, she might be sick, maybe her phone isn't working right now (mine is broke) and yes she needs a friend, separate yourself from being a Bride to a friend...I would give her a couple of days...my numbers are uneven, since planning this starting in March, I have lost 2 BM's and FI has lost a groomsen and his father died..And I have been through all sorts of problems planning this wedding from cake to venues, an almost called off wedding, I feel how you would be ticked but SH*T happens, there could be all kinds of other reasons for her to not have called you back but i think you need to take a deep breath, put everything in perspective wedding-wise and continue on!

Lena2317 · July 2012

OP you asked for advice. Unfortunately we cant tell you what you want to hear. Sorry you disagree but I agree with the rest. Speaking professionally, finances are a very stressful thing in life and when you talk garnishment, Not only does that affect your pay you have to pay your fixed expenses but it also affects your credit score. Your friend will get back to you but right now her life and her options are her priority. She is going to have to figure out what she has to do to make it.. If she was already living check to check.. this could cause irrevocable damage to where she may lose housing if she can no longer make the payment. It may be that she will need to cancel the trip to get the money back to make rent/mortgage.. who knows.. in the end her being able to survive is more important. If she is avoiding you, maybe its because she knows how you are reacting. If you feel she is not your friend, what was the point in asking her to be your BM anyway? I lost 2 of my BM throughout this process and still hang with them all the time because in the end they didnt have to accept in the first place and being my BM was not a prerequisite to our friendship. Take into consideration how much your bridesmaids spend on a day that has nothing to do with their life but they do it just to make us happy... My BM has spent more than I am comfortable with planning my parties, getting her dress, traveling, etc.. I'm grateful, not hateful.

This cannot be happening!!!!!

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