members of the WP meeting each other

funandfreckles · March 2012

Just curious - did any of you have a GTG with your WP so they could all meet? My WP mostly knows each other, with the exception of one groomsman, he knows one other groomsman and two bridesmaids, but not the others. I really want to get everyone together to meet so they're comfortable with each other.

That isn't bridezilla-ish, is it? Is it the norm?

Any suggestions?

ETA: I just realized maybe my topic headline sounded like I wanted to have an "official meeting".

amymaysa · March 2012

Some know each other, some don't. We won't be having any kind of special get together...they don't have to know one another or be comfortable with one another for a potential 5 second walk up at the end of the ceremony/walking into the reception, but that's just me.

I was in a wedding last year where I met my escort the night before...everything went fine.

mbody · March 2012

I'm not doing a 'meet and greet.' My friends don't really know any of FI's GMs (mostly cousins and a college friends from his hometown.) It's not at big deal to me. They will most likely meet at the rehearsal dinner. I don't think they need to 'know' each other to walk down the aisle for .2 seconds. So I think the WP GTGs are a little pointless. It just seems kinda weird to force people to talk, be friends, ect.

My best friend was in a wedding of a girl she works with. The bride wanted everyone to 'get to know each other' so she did this. My friend was maayybe 30 minutes late (with a very good reason) and the bride didn't talk to her for hours because she was pissed b/c that was her time to meet the other BMs. So, maybe that's why I don't really like them.

elldee333 · March 2012

If everyone's local and they're able to make it, I don't think it's a terrible thing to suggest, but at the same time not completely necessary.

I'm a BM in two weddings coming up that are both in Philly and I'm in Charlotte NC. One bridal party I know 3 out of 7 girls (they have all met and know each other). The other I know 4 out of 8. I'm not uncomfortable at all.

I'm sharing a room in Vegas for a bachelorette in May with 3 other girls and only know 1.

I wouldn't stress about it.

ETA: I didn't even think about the GMs, but out of both weddings (so total 15 guys) I know 2. I have no idea who I'll be walking with in either. Again, don't stress, it'll be ok!

graysquirrel · March 2012

A lot of people around here are not big fans of the WP meet and greets. They really are not all that necessary. While it is sweet of you to want to make sure your friends are comfortable, there isn't much need for them to all get to know each other in order to do what they need to do. One of our groomsmen didn't know most of our WP, but he was just fine. He got to know the guys at H's bachelor party and was adult enough to escort a nice lady up the aisle for 30 seconds.

Will you be having a rehearsal? That would be a good time for your WP to meet without them having to clear their schedules for one more WR event.

jagore08 · March 2012

They all met each other at the rehearsal.

mbcdefg · March 2012

We didn't have any meet and greets, no. They had all met at some point or another before that.

I don't get what they'd need to feel "comfortable" with. They're going to walk silently up and down an aisle, and *maybe* talk and joke around a bit during photos and in the limo. Our bridal party members all got along very well and made nice small talk, but they didn't become buddies.

I think it's OK if you plan on doing a big friendly barbecue or house party and invite these people because they're your friends. And you happen to say, "By the way, Jen, this is Jared and he's one of the groomsmen," and maybe even want to throw in something like, "Jared is also into photography like you are," that's fine.

But if I was in a wedding and the bride/groom announced that we'd be having an official bridal party meeting, then honestly I'd start to feel a little sorry that I accepted the bridesmaid invitation because the couple sounds really micromanaging and way too "into" their wedding.

morenachica110 · March 2012

Most of the whole Wp know eachother already (FI and I met through mutual friends and these are the people). Except my MOH. She hasn't met everyone else. I gave everyone the option of dress shopping together, by themselves or with me. The two BMs will shop with me at once and the MOH wants to shop alone with me. No biggie. They don't have to be BFFs or anything. I'm sure everyone will get along.

You could suggest it if they want but if not it's not the end of the world.

dubird · March 2012

Our parents came in and met each other, but as our WP is all in the same circle of friends, it wasn't needed.

TiffannieF · March 2012

We didn't even consider doing this since the WP was there to support us and not get along so no we did not do a meet and greet.

I think its fine if you try to coordinate a BBQ to socialize with friends/family but I wouldn't force anybody to come and not be angry if they are not able to make it.

ujocdeelovely · March 2012

All of my BM's know each other and the GM are scattered all over. I'm not worried about them knowing/'meeting each other. Their all adults and will be fine. More than likely they will all meet at the engagement party.

funandfreckles · March 2012

I don't like the term "meet and greet" even though essentially that's what it would be.

I know the one GM is feeling (lack of better word) worried about not knowing the others. He's super outgoing and whatnot, but with the pre-wedding parties (social - we're Canadian, aka: stag'n'doe, bachelor party, etc.). He doesn't want the other guys excluding him because they don't know him, you know what I mean?

funandfreckles · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_member-of-the-wp-meeting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:eb1a79b6-c174-492f-9f37-4077302552a6Post:6e5434bb-1632-4d34-8b04-7741d059f4d7">Re: member of the WP meeting</a>:
[QUOTE] But if I was in a wedding and the bride/groom announced that we'd be having an official bridal party meeting, then honestly I'd start to feel a little sorry that I accepted the bridesmaid invitation because the couple sounds really micromanaging and way too "into" their wedding.
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

In my opinon, that sounds awfully harsh. I can't imagine someone being regretful that they accepted the bridemaid/groomsmen invitation just because there was going to be "an official meeting". Seriously.

I'm trying not to make it sound like it's an official BP meeting or something. I just want everyone to know each other before the social, bachelorette, shower, etc. etc.

TiffannieF · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_member-of-the-wp-meeting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:eb1a79b6-c174-492f-9f37-4077302552a6Post:6fddbfff-6c8d-4684-b281-221d7c6f13bc">Re: member of the WP meeting</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: member of the WP meeting : In my opinon, that sounds awfully harsh. I can't imagine someone being regretful that they accepted the bridemaid/groomsmen invitation just because there was going to be "an official meeting". Seriously. I'm trying not to make it sound like it's an official BP meeting or something. I just want everyone to know each other before the social, bachelorette, shower, etc. etc.
Posted by funandfreckles[/QUOTE]

So are you going to have a 'meeting' with everybody who is invited to the b-party and shower? I mean, I'm sure there are people that will be at those events that another person hasn't met.

TiffannieF · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_member-of-the-wp-meeting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:eb1a79b6-c174-492f-9f37-4077302552a6Post:cceefdab-a555-4042-8531-6249e26a4943">Re: member of the WP meeting</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't like the term "meet and greet" even though essentially that's what it would be. I know the one GM is feeling (lack of better word) worried about not knowing the others. He's super outgoing and whatnot, but with the pre-wedding parties (social - we're Canadian, aka: stag'n'doe, bachelor party, etc.). He doesn't want the other guys excluding him because they don't know him, you know what I mean?
Posted by funandfreckles[/QUOTE]

Then maybe your FI can have just a 'boys' day out? Or like I said you and your FI can coordinate a BBQ.

funandfreckles · March 2012

Well the WP throws the social, my bridesmaids have already set a date for the shower and stagette...and the groomsmen will plan and throw my FI a bachelor party...so the ones planning the parties, yeah, it would be nice if they knew each other.

I stood up in a wedding last fall and we were never introduced to one of the BMs, she lived OOT, and trying to involve her in things and coordinate when we didn't know her, and vice versa was really difficult....so that's the standpoint I'm coming from. It's hard to plan something with somebody when you don't know them.

funandfreckles · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_member-of-the-wp-meeting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:eb1a79b6-c174-492f-9f37-4077302552a6Post:e6fed867-d17a-44ec-927d-1511de5185c4">Re: member of the WP meeting</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: member of the WP meeting : Then maybe your FI can have just a 'boys' day out? Or like I said you and your FI can coordinate a BBQ.
Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE]

I guess I don't really know how this is any different from the group of us getting together at a restaurant or something....

TiffannieF · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_member-of-the-wp-meeting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:eb1a79b6-c174-492f-9f37-4077302552a6Post:cc9b444f-a8ed-4b11-815c-7c2016694eab">Re: member of the WP meeting</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: member of the WP meeting : I guess I don't really know how this is any different from the group of us getting together at a restaurant or something....
Posted by funandfreckles[/QUOTE]

Well a) a meeting with the entire WP (boys and girls) will be much more difficult to coordinate since many people will be involved and b) a 'meeting' sounds like business...a wedding is not business not to mention it sounds like a requirement. Where as a BBQ (or going to a resturant) sounds more relaxed and not a requirement. Maybe it's in the wording. "Hey would you like to join us for dinner at this resturant?" As opposed to "We are having a meeting at this resturant on this day/time so everybody can meet each other in the WP". Does that make sense?

Being in a WP only requires for somebody to buy an outfit and show up on the day of. Anything else is extra and not required or should be expected. So when you want to have a meeting it sounds like its something required...it sounds bridezilla ish. Not everybody has to be involved with coordinating pre-wedding parties nor should others bend over backwards to make sure everybody is involved. So if this GM wants to help out and his outgoing enough he will contact them. I've been in weddings where I didn't know anybody yet I asked the bride if I could get the MOHs info so I could ask if I could be of any help.

funandfreckles · March 2012

I just don't think you and I are on the same page. I'm just going to drop it. I never once intended for this to sound like we're having a WP business meeting.

Being in a WP only requires for somebody to buy an outfit and show up on the day of. Anything else is extra and not required or should be expected. So when you want to have a meeting it sounds like its something required...it sounds bridezilla ish. Not everybody has to be involved with coordinating pre-wedding parties nor should others bend over backwards to make sure everybody is involved.

I am, btw, fully aware of the above. But when the WP has offered to throw a social (done by both sides), shower, stagette and bachelor party...uh yeah, I think it's safe to expect it.

mbcdefg · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_member-of-the-wp-meeting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:eb1a79b6-c174-492f-9f37-4077302552a6Post:6fddbfff-6c8d-4684-b281-221d7c6f13bc">Re: member of the WP meeting</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: member of the WP meeting : In my opinon, that sounds awfully harsh. I can't imagine someone being regretful that they accepted the bridemaid/groomsmen invitation just because there was going to be "an official meeting". Seriously. I'm trying not to make it sound like it's an official BP meeting or something. I just want everyone to know each other before the social, bachelorette, shower, etc. etc.
Posted by funandfreckles[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't drop out of the wedding or end the friendship over it. But, yes, I would think, "Oh geez, what did I get myself into?" if the bride called me and said we'd be having a "Bridal Party Meeting." It just smacks of self-importance if the couple starts organizing a bunch of wedding-related meetings.

Again - if you want to throw a barbecue or a house party and invite them all, then do it. If you want to introduce them, then do it. I wouldn't mind at all if the couple invited me to their house and said that the rest of the bridal party would be there. That's normal and it's fun.

But ... again ... if it was treated as an Official Meeting, and if there were things like name tags, ice breaker activities, etc. (which people on this board have said they're doing), then I would start to think that I was in for a LONG engagement period of the couple being really micromanaging and wedding-obsessed.

And for what it's worth, my husband is a groomsman in a wedding and he doesn't know most of the other guys. They've had pre-wedding events and it all turned out fine. Everyone was polite and he even made friends with a few people. Unless someone was a real d-bag, I doubt they would schedule a bachelor party/groomsman event without extending an invite to ALL the groomsmen. If someone is enough of a jerk to leave a groomsman out, then I don't think getting to know him better would help.

funandfreckles · March 2012

I guess everyone's experiences are different. Because it was not fun trying to plan pre-wedding parties with a girl we didn't know. Not that she was difficult or anything like that, but just that we didn't know her. It would have been nice to have met her at some point. Maybe girls are different.

I never once suggested having a WP official meeting with ice breakers, etc. That's ridiculous, imho.

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