So my FI and I are high school sweethearts and have been engaged for a year and a half. We were planning to get married this October but do to life being life we had to push it back to October 2011. Since I am from Mayan Mexican decent (grandfather makes a big deal about being Mayan Mexican not Aztec Mexican, personally I'm third generation so not really worried about it but it goes with the joke) my FI and I joke that we will get married 12-22-2012, that way if we all survive 12-21-2012 (end of the mayan calendar which is interpreted as the end of the world) then we know its meant to be lol So far I have bought our center pieces, favors, bubbles for after the ceremony, some things for the OOT guests, Frame for the guests to sign, flower girl basket, invitations, bridesmaid gifts and as of thursday at 3pm I will officially own my wedding dress
Now I am a full time student with a part time job and my FI works full time, which allows me to take classes. My brother who was let go a month ago due to downsizing and his two boys are living with us now because the house they were renting burned down. Everyone is ok and we were able to salvage quiet a few things but until my brother can get back on his feet we are supporting them. He is getting an unemployment check and gives us cash to help with the power bill and water but everything we had saved for the wedding went to buying more groceries, clothes and school supplies for the boys to go to school. I'm not complaining about that because I love having them here. I get to spend time with my nephews and help them out with school and my brother and FI are bonding over Halo. All in all that doesn't bother me, I feel blessed that I am able to help him. The thing thats bothering me is my FI brother...well actually his mother but it involves his brother. He got married a few months ago to a woman that no one in his family really cares for and when I say no one I mean NO ONE. She is loud, pushy and treats him horribly, she has cheated on him several times and two months before they decided to get married she told him in front of me, my FI, his aunt and uncle and his other brothers that the only reason why they were together was because they have kids. Despite his families best efforts he decided to marry her anyways. Their mother was completely against it but my FI and I found out that she gave them $2,000 for the wedding and paid for half of their honeymoon. Now my FI and I are trying to pay for our wedding ourselves, my parents are going through tough financial times like most in this economy and aren't able to pay for the wedding and I don't want them too. They paid for half of my dream dress (found that out when I tried to make a payment) and my father is giving us his miles for our honeymoon, that is plenty good for me. What makes me mad is that his mother paid 2,000 for a wedding she didn't agree with and hasn't said anything to us about helping us out even though she calls me her daughter. Its not that I want the money its the fact that I would like the opportunity to either except or respectfully decline and it makes me question if she really appreciates our relationship. When we told his family that we were postponing the wedding they said they would do anything to help, we told them not to worry and we would handle it but when we told his mother she said "thats a bummer"....I know that if we wanted we could go down to the court house and get it done but I have dreamed of my daddy walking me down the isle my whole life. I love his family and I have never met more excepting people in my entire life. I know his mother likes me but I don't know why she would help them and not us. I don't want to sound like I'm whining because truly I'm not its just the principle of it all. My FI was hurt when he found out how much money she gave them and that she told us that its a bummer we weren't getting married this year. I know we are young and have a long way to go but his brother is only two years older then us and I'm sorry if I offend someone but I don't think having children makes you more "adult" or smarter about life decisions. We have done everything any of our parents have asked of us and if one of our siblings are in trouble they come to us. We are the responsible ones and it just seems like we always get the short end of the stick.... My FI is trying to make sense of it and thinks that maybe she will extend the offer closer to the wedding but we have been engaged for over a year now and she hasn't even hinted the idea so I don't doubt it will change but for his sake I hope it does. He doesn't care about the money, all he wants is to know that she is willing to help out with a wedding she says she cant wait for... he wants is to know shes proud of him and the decisions he's made. She wasn't around much when he was younger, his parents divorced when he was 6 and he lived with his father until he was 15. She isn't the motherly type, she doesn't really show affection like normal moms would she has always used money and things to show love and I think he sees her not offering us money as her way of not approving or taking us seriously, which could be true and I could just be naive about her liking me but she has told both of us that she is glad were finally getting married and pulled me aside after we got engaged and told me that she was so happy her son found someone who treats him as well as I do and she feels blessed to call me her daughter... the more I think about it the more I feel like a hamster in a wheel about the whole situation. I don't know what to say to him or what to do.... A part of me doesn't care and a part of me is hurt because he is hurting... I know this is long and boring but to those of you who made it to the end I appreciate it. I'm glad I have somewhere to let it all out. Thank you for listening.