my mom

Re: my mom

• Maggie0829 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  Personally I would stop asking her to go with you on your wedding outings and I would stop talking with her about your wedding for the time being.  You know how your mother is and if she was like this (I mean blowing you off on things and only asking for help when she needed something) before you got engaged don't expect her to change just because you are getting married.
  
  It sucks that your Mom isn't being as involved as you would like (all brides would love their Mom's to be there for them) but you just need to make the most of it and call on a close friend or other close relatives instead.

  
  

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• Meghannsix member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  My mom and I have lost some closeness since she moved in with my sister (two states away) this summer. 
  
  She has little to no interest in this wedding, even though when I got married 18 years ago, she put that wedding together in three months because I was already pregnant by a man I had been dating a few months, but that's another story!  I am getting ready to marry a man I have been with for over 4 years, but because I've been divorced once, she's "not sure if she's happy for me or not".  I've learned to just not talk about it with her, and instead talk with my FI, my best friend and FSIL, they are way more excited and interested, and instead of being disappointed and angry, I actually get stuff done.  Good luck!

  

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• kamarks08 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  I agree. It sucks that she's not involved, but I'd stop asking, especially if it's bringing you down. This time should be fun for you, and if you're stressing about this where she clearly isn't jumping to help you, it's probably not worth it. If she really wants to help, maybe she'll come to you at some point. But for right now, I would just stick to having your close friends and any other willing individuals to help you out, and enjoying this planning time instead of focusing on all the things she's not doing.

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• graysquirrel member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  I'm sorry that your mom isn't wanting to be more a part of this special time for you. I would talk with her about her involvement and ask her flat out what things (if any) she'd like to be involved in. There are some women who just aren't into weddings; maybe your mom is one of them. Or maybe, like you said, she is selfish or immature and doesn't want to do things unless they benefit her directly. Either way, I would feel out her interest and see what she says. It might end up being that it is better to keep her out of it. While it isn't the most fun option, it might save you more heartbreak later when she says no or flakes out. Or perhaps she will have time for some smaller stuff or will be able to schedule time for stuff for the future like showers.

  

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• RaptorSLH member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:04fa68e7-2569-4868-83bc-1005ec909a13Post:a1dad9d9-62ae-46da-8f66-898211e2965b">my mom</a>:
  [QUOTE]However, she is pretty much blowing me off anytime i have questions about relatives or guest lists or anything like that.
  Posted by gouc23[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>What PPs said.  Also for this question, if she doesn't volunteer a desired guest list, you're free to invite the family you know and love and want to attend.  Give her a deadline, and if she doesn't give you that list, you're off the hook.  Check with dad, grandparents, aunts, etc, if you need mailing addresses.</div>

  

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• tpender13 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:04fa68e7-2569-4868-83bc-1005ec909a13Post:d92c0f16-986f-42a4-9994-83628fc938d0">Re: my mom</a>:
  [QUOTE]Personally I would stop asking her to go with you on your wedding outings and I would stop talking with her about your wedding for the time being.  <strong>You know how your mother is and if she was like this (I mean blowing you off on things and only asking for help when she needed something) before you got engaged don't expect her to change just because you are getting married.</strong> It sucks that your Mom isn't being as involved as you would like (all brides would love their Mom's to be there for them) but you just need to make the most of it and call on a close friend or other close relatives instead.
  Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]
  
  This. Accept your mother for who she is and know that you can't change her. You'll probably be happier with your relationship with her in general if you can do this. I've had to do this with friends and family, and it can be difficult but I'm happier for it.

  

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• cinbene

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

    I would try one time, ask her why she is behaving this way, try to bring it to her attention,and let her know how much it means to you. Maybe she doesnt realize.  I know sounds crazy. I just dont like regret, I would just try once, and forget it, but at least she is given one last chance.  If it doesnt go well, just move on, focus on you, Im sure anyone would love to spend these moments with you. As far as watching your brother, I would be busy doing wedding stuff that day   Its YOU time!! 

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