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Interracial Weddings
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New and a question

cincyjessiecincyjessie
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in Interracial Weddings

Hello!  I just stumbled upon this board and am so excited to see an interracial topic board.  I usually post on my local board, and the girls are so great, but it’s nice knowing other people who might be going through similar journeys and the advice they have.

 

 

I’m Caucasian and my FI is black/Pacific Islander. FI is out of the country doing field work until next summer, so I’ve been hesitant to really start on planning and setting a date in stone.  Right now, I’m getting ideas and pricing out different venues.


I have a question for other brides-to-be about guest attendance.  With our wedding being held in the States, my FI will have no family in attendance. Due to circumstances we can't control, his family won't be able to attend.  I feel bad that my family and friends will be there and he will just have a handful of friends.  Anyone else in a similar situation?

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Re: New and a question

  • Cynthia1207Cynthia1207 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am.  FI is Cuban and all his family lives there.  His mom is going to pass her interview with the immigration office tomorrow so hopefully they'll grant her the visa so at least he has one family member in attendance.  It really does suck. 

    I'm hoping beyond hope that he won't feel too bad on that day.  I know it's not the same thing, but my family absolutely loves him so I hope he'll be able to see the bright side in all of this.  Unfortunately it's not something we can control.
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  • MrsAllison33MrsAllison33
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    edited December 2011
    We are in a similar situation. My fiance's family is from Jamaica. His parents, brothers, grandmother and some aunts, uncles and cousins live in Canada now but there is still lot of family that is in Jamaica and probably won't be able to make it or won't want to come to Canada for the wedding, especially his great grandmother who is 95! :( It would be so nice to get married there, but I don't think we'll be doing that so I'll probably have more people on my side than he will on his. I feel bad but he says it's ok as long as his close family is there.
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  • RaeRae1126RaeRae1126
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    edited December 2011
    Is it a money situation, visa situation, or a timiing issue? Because you said you hadnt picked a date yet...so I'm assuming no matter when the date is, you already know they wont be able to come? That's a little sad, but since it seems there's nothing you can do, just encourage him to invite his friends that are close to him, so that he feels he has a support system there for your big day. My FI is Filipino, and he's got a lot of family that wont be able to make the trip here, but we plan on sending them video/pics after the wedding so that they can still experience it. We're also plan to visit them in the Philippines maybe a year after the wedding, so they can celebrate with my FI.

    Maybe you could plan a trip to where his family is a few (or several) months after the wedding, and have a party or small reception to celebrate your marriage with them? Just a thought. Also, I see you're an STL bride too, so let me know if you have venue questions and such!
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  • cincyjessiecincyjessie
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    edited December 2011
    It's a combination of money and visa issues.  FI is from Papua New Guinea and flights are extremely expensive.  We'd love for his mother to come over for the wedding and stay for a while, but she is elderly and doesn't speak English.  Combined with some other issues, it just isn't feasible for his family to come over for the ceremony. 

    I love the idea of sending the pics and a video back!  Thanks for that suggestion.  I had thought of pics, but not a video :)

    Great to see another STL knottie on here!  I'm actually from Cincinnati and am 90% sure the wedding will take place in Cincinnati.  Gorgeous pics in your siggy- Ameristar looks super nice! 
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  • marinabreezemarinabreeze
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't have anything to add, but I'm also a Cincinnati knottie :-).  Welcome to the board, and if you have any questions about planning or whatnot here, feel free to ask!
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  • sjw10sjw10 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We are in a similar situation, except it's much of my family that will be unlikely to attend. My immediate family (parents and brother) lives in the U.S., so they'll be there, but it's unclear if any of my extended family will be able to make it. It's not ideal, but it is what it is. I'm kind of used to it - I've never had extended family at birthday parties, graduations, etc. So while I'd love to have my family there, I am okay with the fact that they might not be.

    Most of my suggestions would be the same as what PPs have said. We made sure to select a photographer who offers an online gallery and full printing rights. We're also going to hire a videographer - we were initially on the fence about this, but decided it was important to let family who could not make it feel like they could experience the day in some way. We'll also be having a second reception dinner in Malaysia (where my family is) a few months after our wedding. Both my and FI's immediate families will be traveling over there.

    Something I don't think we're going to do, but our coordinator suggested could be a possibility is to set up a Skype/video chat of parts of the wedding. A friend's grandmother couldn't make it to his wedding, so right before their vows, his brother/best man called her on his cell phone and held it up so that she could at least hear that part of the ceremony.

    Maybe you could find a way to include his family in the program? Have someone else read a speech/toast written by a family member?

    Good luck! 
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  • RoMy215RoMy215 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I was looking at this board because I'm white and DH is black/Panamanian. But even not being from other countries, I think not having family or friends able to attend a wedding is common because (air) travel is so expensive and difficult. Most of his family lives in the US but many of them are on the east coast while we are in CA.
    SJW10 beat me to the punch suggesting something like trying to Skype the ceremony. Is there an unobtrusive spot where you could set up a computer and have people at least log in for the ceremony? I thought of this idea after the fact for our wedding. =)
    I know someone who got married on a cruise ship many years ago. They had a reception at home afterwards and played the video on a loop for people there.

    As far as the you have more people than he does thing, my husband (that's still weird to say after 4 months!!) was worried that he would have way fewer people than I did and that his "side" would be empty since I'm more social than he is. =)
    He ended up having a lot of wonderful, close friends who are really like family to him and my friends that know him just adore him and so it all worked out well.

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