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lxlsmplysweetlxl · April 2011

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pbinghamsgirl · April 2011

Common courtesy to not get engaged when someone else is??????? Kinda weird if you ask me! So if the role were reversed and your fi were to propose to you right when his sister was planning a wedding you would tell him no??? Just be happy for your FSIL and get over it! You sound a little selfish! You get one day not a whole year.

jamenyha · April 2011

I know how you feel because as soon as we got engaged, it felt like so did everyone else. I think everyone kinda gets the "bug" and realizes it's a good idea when they start hearing about others. Plus, I know with us, we are all around the same age, so it's just that we're all around the same "place" in our lives. But it is true that you only get one day and, don't worry, no matter what, your day WILL be special and amazing because it's YOUR DAY!!

emarston1 · April 2011

This is going to sound mean but you get ONE day, not a month and certainly not an entire year, you get ONE day. Other people cannot and should not put their lives on hold because of your event.

You know how you want everyone to be happy for you? Well it goes both ways.

klreese0213 · April 2011

i agree with Emarston.
Of course it sucks for people to steal your planning thunder- BUT they aren't stealing your day! I'd use it as a challange to make my wedding the best and most fun as possible.
wedding planning is a bug ,an itch that you get when you start hearing other people talk about it. i know this from experience. people aren't trying to steal your show, they just want to experience all the joy of wedding planning and being married.
It was NICE of you to not plan your wedding around other family members. but don't expect the same from others. it's an entire year... not your day.

brandym22 · April 2011

I dont think its common courtesy to not get engaged because someone else is. My cousin got engaged a month after me and they are planning their wedding 2 months after our 2012 wedding. I am so happy for him. Now, I know our out of state family is not going to be able to travel from Florida to Ohio on 2 different summer months. And that bothered me a little, at first, but I got over it. It doesnt matter if they make it to mine, his, both, or neither, i know they are happy for us just the same and I am not upset about it. i would expect them to use all their money just to see me get married if they cant afford it.

Regardless, just because her wedding is the same year as yours doesnt make her abad person. Same day, maybe... not same year!!

rcj2rcd · April 2011

If the roles were reversed, would you want your FI to wait until the other persons wedding was over? You need to apply some common sense here.

FIs brother got engaged a few months after we did and their wedding will be 6 weeks after ours. I couldn't be happier for them and it's actually made the whole planning process much more fun.

lanejane · April 2011

First, take a breath because it sounds like they haven't even set a date yet so what are you worrying about? Still, even if they set a date for 2012, it won't make your day any less special to you, your FI or those around you.

corinne2010 · April 2011

So is one person in each family only allowed to get married per year? You are not entitled to anything. Like emarston said, you get one day. If there was a common courtesy, I didn't know about it. Last year, there were three cousins that got married. And we were all on the same side of the family. One got married in May, another in June, and I got married in August. The same family was at every wedding. If you ask me, I think you are being a bit selfish. I thought it was great we had so many weddings because it's not very often I get to see some of my extended family. I never once felt slighted. Quit whining. You'll get your day where its "all about you." Do you need a year too?

matuofm · April 2011

To me, the strange thing about this situation is the initial decision to wait 2 years to start your married life based on what other people are doing with theirs. I guess, for me, once we decided that we wanted to spend our life together, we wanted to start that as soon as reasonably possible.

For us, the truly important thing is the marriage, not the wedding. So... even if there were 17 other weddings and an alien dinosaur attack in 2011, it still wouldn't make us feel unhappy about OUR day or make us want to push it back.

Just my $0.02.

Meg1036 · April 2011

Ditto pp. You get a day. I could see being a little upset if she scheduled within a week or two of you, but even then you really couldn't say anything about it.

For some personal perspective, FI and I are getting married in August. His sister is also getting married this year, in early December. Mostly, it's pretty fun to have everyone working on wedding stuff. She has sent me some great ideas for my wedding, and I've given her advice on finding vendors for hers.

Meg1036 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_this-not-common-courtesy-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:5b766240-45ad-40bf-966c-ded67a202bfcPost:ed910620-230f-424b-9353-b6be9a4364fa">Re: Is this not common courtesy anymore??</a>:
[QUOTE] So... even if there were 17 other weddings and an alien dinosaur attack in 2011, it still wouldn't make us feel unhappy about OUR day or make us want to push it back.
Posted by matuofm[/QUOTE]

This made laugh so hard I snorted. I am really hoping for no alien dinosaur attacks until after August 13!

rcj2rcd · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_this-not-common-courtesy-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:5b766240-45ad-40bf-966c-ded67a202bfcPost:3ec73e44-ca03-46d3-93b8-c93f0a61109a">Re: Is this not common courtesy anymore??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is this not common courtesy anymore?? : This made laugh so hard I snorted. I am really hoping for no alien dinosaur attacks until after August 13!
Posted by Meg1036[/QUOTE]

Umm - I would like to extend the ban on alien dinosaur attacks until after Sept 24th.

However, if alien dinosaurs do attack...just remember....

<a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/7/8/9732642b-eed3-496b-980a-6afed94bdef4.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '9732642b-eed3-496b-980a-6afed94bdef4', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/7/8/9732642b-eed3-496b-980a-6afed94bdef4.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

LOTON01 · April 2011

We have a close family friend that is getting married two weeks after us. We both wanted June and planned it so we could have our wedding and honeymoon then come back and attend there wedding. Who cares if they are close. If I were you I would look forward to going through the planning process together.

emarston1 · April 2011

Um at least all you have to worry about is dinosaur attacks. There have been reports that Jesus is coming back on May 21st. That's right. My wedding day.

I haven't gone bridezilla so far but I think I might throw a tantrum if he shows up that day.

Also Rachael, I love that picture.

matuofm · April 2011

I'm still going to go with Jesus over an alien dinosaur attack. At least he'd probably be willing to dress for the occasion. Have you ever tried to get a Tyrannosaurus into a tux?

emarston1 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_this-not-common-courtesy-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:5b766240-45ad-40bf-966c-ded67a202bfcPost:912081fd-c553-4686-85d5-b4f7a6c6673a">Re: Is this not common courtesy anymore??</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm still going to go with Jesus over an alien dinosaur attack. At least he'd probably be willing to dress for the occasion. Have you ever tried to get a Tyrannosaurus into a tux?
Posted by matuofm[/QUOTE]
It is quite difficult, as they are so disproportionate.

<a href="http://sitelife.theknot.com/ver1.0/Forums/#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '9db970a5-1934-4ee2-bf31-c657d9878cea', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"><div style="text-align:center;"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/13/15/9db970a5-1934-4ee2-bf31-c657d9878cea.medium.jpg" alt="" /></div></a>

kristiemk · April 2011

Although I totally see what the PP's are saying, this made me laugh because I knew what a lot of the reaction to the post was going to be, but also because my FI and I waited almost a year to get engaged because my twin sister was getting married last year. Our logic was that she had waited seven years for that ring, so we would not dream of stealing her thunder! Being that we are twins, we have a much different kind of bond that lot of people don't understand. To me it made perfect sense, but a lot of people had the same reaction as a lot of you ladies did!

Kristen1114 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_this-not-common-courtesy-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:5b766240-45ad-40bf-966c-ded67a202bfcPost:ed910620-230f-424b-9353-b6be9a4364fa">Re: Is this not common courtesy anymore??</a>:
[QUOTE]To me, the strange thing about this situation is the initial decision to wait 2 years to start your married life based on what other people are doing with theirs. I guess, for me, once we decided that we wanted to spend our life together, we wanted to start that as soon as reasonably possible. For us, the truly important thing is the marriage, not the wedding. So... even if there were 17 other weddings and an alien dinosaur attack in 2011, it still wouldn't make us feel unhappy about OUR day or make us want to push it back. Just my $0.02.
Posted by matuofm[/QUOTE]

COMPLETELY agree that I don't understand why you waited 2 years based on other peoples' wedding dates. We got engaged because we wanted to get married, not to just be engaged. I wouldn't even consider waiting that long even if my brother were getting married this year as well. And as far as your comment regarding who's been together longer goes, I'm not sure how that's relevant either, the only thing that means is that you waited longer to get engaged and married than they did. Everyone gets engaged, everyone gets married (well not everyone, but you get the point), it's not fair to dictate when anything should be scheduled and no one expected you to wait either.

emarston1 · April 2011

To add to this, FI specifically waited until after his brother's wedding to propose (about 2 months after he bought the ring.) FSIL still flipped out that we got engaged too soon (about 3 weeks) after their wedding and didn't give them enough time to be newlyweds before making our big announcement and that we stole their thunder. Ridiculous.

Some people just will never be satisfied.

rcj2rcd · April 2011

Liz - Jesus is back in town on your wedding day? How did I not know this? First we have to worry about the world ending in December of next year, then alien dinosaur attacks, and now the second coming on may 21st? I can't deal with this. Ps - I stole that pic from another knotties siggy. Dinosaurs are very misunderstood.

emarston1 · April 2011

Google May 21, 2011 and it's all about the rapture and judgement day. Lovely.

I just want to wear my pretty dress and be able to call Todd my husband, is that too much to ask?!

bltata · April 2011

OMG ALL THE DINOSAUR FUNNIES! I'm seriously giggling with joy.

OP, I definitely agree that it's stupid to complain about anyone stealing thunder for a SINGLE DAY. I also think it's weird to think that you and your FI being together for a long period of time should dictate how long other people wait to get married. I know people that are together for 5+years, and people that are together for 6 months. Both types got engaged and married and are happy. You said you got engaged in 2010? Well it's 4 months into 2011. Does his sister have to wait until after your wedding so as not to "steal" your glowing bridezilla thunder? Not trying to be snarky here (well ok maybe a little) but I just think this sounds really immature. How about trying to be happy and soak in the idea of enjoying your wedding as the kickoff to MARRIAGE instead of worrying that everything won't be all about you for the next year.

mrsbunyip · April 2011

OP, first breathe. Also, I promise Detroit brides aren't usually this snarky!

As long as your people don't pick the same date as your wedding date. My MIL decided she and her husband were going to renew their vows 2 weeks after our wedding... at our same venue... at our same Church... not cool.

lxlsmplysweetlxl · April 2011

I didn't set my date far away just because they were having their weddings I was IN all THREE, my fiance was in one, and our daughter was in two. We spent thousands of dollars being in their weddings! It wasn't just a distant family member or friend's wedding that we just had to attend! lol And yes I did tell my fiance not to propose to me when our friends & family were getting married because I didn't want to steal away their special time! You are only a bride once.. or twice.. or three times in some cases. lol I'm not just thinking about myself either, I'm thinking about his grandparents, aunts, & uncles etc that are going to go broke in the next year buying everyone wedding gifts! Anyways thank you to everyone who had positive comments, I have had a chance to cool down & see where you are coming from..

lxlsmplysweetlxl · April 2011

A lot of responses made me laugh too since there is a special day on this board to vent and people write about their save the date envelopes being the wrong shade of violet etc LOL

emarston1 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_this-not-common-courtesy-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:5b766240-45ad-40bf-966c-ded67a202bfcPost:5c94668d-90b6-4b8a-a21e-66495db3a9a3">Re: Is this not common courtesy anymore??</a>:
[QUOTE]A lot of responses made me laugh too since there is a special day on this board to vent and people write about their save the date envelopes being the wrong shade of violet etc LOL
Posted by lxlsmplysweetlxl[/QUOTE]
The difference between these vents is that the color of a STD envelope is not a question of ettiquette. Yours was. There is no ettiquette rule saying that only one family member can get married per year.

Is it ok to be a little bummed? Sure but realize that the other couple did nothing wrong by living their life.

[QUOTE]My fiance & I were engaged in 2010. We set our date to be in 2012. We set is so far out because my aunt and two of my close friends were planning their 2010 weddings. (I was a bridesmaid in all 3, my fiance was best man in one of them, our daughter was flower girl in 2 of them) And two sets of his cousins were planning their 2011 weddings. Since then 2 more sets of his cousins have got engaged and set their date to be in 2012. I felt like this would take away from the specialness of my day but it didn't bother me that much because I knew our wedding would still be important to his immediate family. Until yesterday when I got a text from his sister saying she just got engaged. If they set their date to be in 2012 I will probably flip. I understood that his cousins couldn't schedule their date around everyone but you would think his sister could.. Another thing is that we are all different ages and have been dating for different periods of time. My fiance & I have been dating the longest so I feel like why is everyone else rushing??! I thought it was common courtesy still to not get engaged when your close family is and steal their time.. so frustrated!
Posted by lxlsmplysweetlxl[/QUOTE]

Also, in your OP you mention that it will take away from the specialness of your day. You never once mentioned worry about finances of family members as a reason. And you basically said it wasn't their turn because they hadn't been dating as long as you and your fiance and your day won't be as special with more than one wedding in 2012.

The bolded statements are the reason why you got the responses you did. Except for the dinosaur talk, no one saw that coming.

Hopefully you realize that you're being silly about this and can be happy for your FSIL. As PP mentioned, it can be fun having someone else in the family planning a wedding. There is someone who will always want to talk about weddings :)

corinne2010 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://detroit.weddings.com/Sites/weddings/Pages/main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_this-not-common-courtesy-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:5b766240-45ad-40bf-966c-ded67a202bfcPost:27df3ca1-1f37-4067-a9cf-691b5ba39b82">Re: Is this not common courtesy anymore??</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, first breathe. Also, I promise Detroit brides aren't usually this snarky! As long as your people don't pick the same date as your wedding date. My MIL decided she and her husband were going to renew their vows 2 weeks after our wedding... at our same venue... at our same Church... not cool.
Posted by mrsbunyip[/QUOTE]

I really don't think anyone was trying to be snarky. When someone thinks they are entitled to an entire year of it being all about them, it strikes a chord with some people. And, who is she to say that she thinks people she knows are moving too fast and getting engaged too soon. If you're not in the relationship, I'm pretty sure you should MYOB!

Meg1036 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://detroit.weddings.com/Sites/weddings/Pages/main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_this-not-common-courtesy-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:5b766240-45ad-40bf-966c-ded67a202bfcPost:8338f463-ca51-4b66-927c-4f44cc629bf6">Re: Is this not common courtesy anymore??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is this not common courtesy anymore?? : I really don't think anyone was trying to be snarky. When someone thinks they are entitled to an entire year of it being all about them, it strikes a chord with some people. And, who is she to say that she thinks people she knows are moving too fast and getting engaged too soon. If you're not in the relationship, I'm pretty sure you should MYOB!
Posted by corinne2010[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I actually think this was one of the most honest and actually hilarious threads we've had here in a long time. I really don't feel like anyone was overly snarky/out of line.

helgak99 · April 2011

When we got engaged, we made sure we weren't too close to an August 2011 family wedding and another family event. Working around everyone's schedule wasn't easy, but we finally decided on June 11.

While my family was getting ready to print the invites for my shower on May 14, we found out the August wedding people were planning on having their shower on the same day. That didn't make me happy because many of the same people will be invited. Fortunately they decided to change to a June date, a week before my wedding.

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